By Honor Betray'd ★★★✬☆

 

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Title: By Honor Betray'd
Series: Mageworlds #3
Authors: Debra Doyle & James Macdonald
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: SFF
Pages: 359
Words: 123.5K

Synopsis:

From Isfdb.org/cgi-bin/title.cgi?6211

The war is over. The Magelords have won.

Galcen has fallen. The Space Force is broken and scattered. The planets of the former Republic are rushing to make peace with the victorious Mages.

All that remains is mopping up. Minor details. A privateer or two, a few Adepts who remain alive and on the run, and the hereditary ruler of a lifeless planet.

Beka Rosselin-Metadi, the last Domina of Lost Entibor, possesses little more than a famous name and a famous ship. With them she must salvage what she can from the wreckage of the Republic. Her enemies are too many to count, her friends too few to make a difference. She can trust no one except herself, her crew - and the family she ran away from years before.

Beka has resources few suspect: a hidden base, a long-forgotten oath, and a dead man's legacy. But she has problems as well; for in a universe gone mad neither friends nor enemies are all that they may seem.

A play that began in treachery and blood five hundred years before has reached its final act. A broken galaxy will be sundered forever, or else made whole.

My Thoughts:

So, while there are 7 books in this series, these first 3 books comprise the whole of the Second Mage Wars. And it's not really much of a war either. Both sides have highly placed individuals secretly working towards peace with the other side.

This paragraph will contain spoilers. Not that I care about such things, but on the 1000 to 1 chance that somebody who follows me would ever read these, I wouldn't want to spoil it for them. Because the Grandmaster of the Adepts turns out to be the badguy who had Beka's mother killed. Only she wasn't really, but was placed in stasis by a Magelord and it was up to Beka to revive her and up to her Adept brother and Mage sister-in-law to bring her mind back.

It was a whirlwind of revelations and counter-twists and everything gets wrapped up in a bow. I'm usually not one to complain about that but this time it felt kind of deus ex machina than if it had organically happened. Now I'm wondering what the next 4 books will be about?

A good bit of my enthusiasm waned, dramatically, when it was revealed who the badguy all along had been. It was too cliched. Makes me wonder if the final Star Wars trilogy stole their Grumpy Dispeptic Luke idea from this.

There was still a lot of action. Beka almost gets killed on public tv, Ari gets married, Owen takes over the Adept Order and gets his own apprentice and the Mage Worlder General is revealed to be a peacemongerer. Shocking!

I enjoyed this overall but I won't be beating the drum the same way unless the next books are super fantastic. Good space opera but not excellent space opera.

★★★✬☆

• The Price of the Stars (Book 1)

• Starpilot's Grave (Book 2)

World Without Women ★★★✬☆

 

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Title: World Without Women
Series: Groo the Wanderer #4
Author: Sergio Aragones
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 26
Words: 2K

Synopsis:

Many village women are kidnapped by air pirates and Groo is hired to rescue them. He “trains” the villagers by eating all their food and then bashing them on the head. Groo gets tangled up in the airship, rescues the women and then finds out they never wanted to be rescued as they were being treated like princesses. That'll teach Groo to try to be nice!

My Thoughts:

When Groo first meets the men of the villages and they recite a litany of why they need their wives back, it was obvious what was going to happen at the end. It really felt like a bad joke that you tell just so you can say the horrible punchline and make everyone groan.

I have to admit, I envy those people who can read something like this and then write 1000 words about the color palette, shading and artwork and how it all affects the entire tone of the issue. They'll describe in detail some tiny part and then syllogistically tie the end page to the beginning page and seem to actually make sense. While at times envious, I am also convinced those people are full of horse pucky.

So have no fear, you need not fear deep and pretentious twaddle from me. I stick to the shallow end of the pool, just like Groo.

(This message is approved by Groo)

★★★✬☆

• All of My “Groo the Wanderer” Reviews

The Chinese Orange Mystery ★★★☆☆

 

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: The Chinese Orange Mystery
Series: Ellery Queen
Authors: Ellery Queen
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Mystery
Pages: 172
Words: 70.5K

Synopsis:

From Wikipedia.org

A wealthy publisher and collector of precious stones and Chinese postage stamps has a luxurious suite in a hotel that serves to handle his non-publishing business and the comings and goings of his staff, his relatives, and his female friends. When an odd and anonymous little man arrives and refuses to state his business, no one is surprised; he is locked (from outside only) in an anteroom with a bowl of fruit (including tangerines, also known as Chinese oranges) and left to await the publisher's arrival. When the door is unlocked, though, a truly bizarre scene is displayed.

The little man's skull is crushed, his clothing is reversed, back to front, all the furnishings of the room have been turned backwards — and two African spears have been inserted between the body and its clothing, stiffening it into immobility. The circumstances are such that someone has been observing every entrance to the room, and no one has apparently entered or left. The situation is further complicated by some valuable jewelry and stamps, the publisher's business affairs and romantic affaires, and a connection with "backwardness" for seemingly every character. It takes the considerable talents of Ellery Queen to sort through the motives and lies and arrive at the twisted logic that underlies every aspect of this very unusual crime.

My Thoughts:

First off, this whole time (however long since I've heard that Ellery Queen was a mystery writer) I have thought that Queen was a woman. A Grand Dame of the Golden Age of Mystery Writers. So imagine my surprise when it turns out that not only is Ellery Queen the writer AND main character of the series but that HE is a young middle aged private detective living at home with his father.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.

There was no real order listed on the library site I borrowed this from so I pretty much randomly poked my finger at a title and said “I am reading YOU”. I guess this is book 8? Didn't really seem to matter though.

This reminded me of Dorothy Sayers and her Lord Peter Wimsey and not in a positive way. While there were no railroad schedules or pages of fake code to decode, there was an exhausting amount of detail that didn't matter to me as I just wanted a fething mystery to read about, not solve. I've talked about that aspect of mysteries that I despise but since a large segment of the mystery community wants such garbage, well, the authors pander to them and not to me. It was a very shocking realization to my delicate and fragile ego.

I have to admit, I am not having a good feeling about the longevity of the friendship struck up between me and Queen. I'm giving Queen 3 books to impress me and then it's cement shoes for him if he doesn't. These authors think they're big stuff and as a reader, I've learned to put them in their place. With cement shoes.

★★★☆☆

Flashman ✬☆☆☆☆

 

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Title: Flashman
Series: The Flashman Papers #1
Authors: George Fraser
Rating: 0.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Historical Fiction
Pages: 231
Words: 100K

Synopsis:

From Wikipedia.org

Plot introduction

Presented within the frame of the discovery of the supposedly historical Flashman Papers, this book chronicles the subsequent career of the bully Flashman from Tom Brown's School Days. The book begins with a fictional note explaining that the Flashman Papers were discovered in 1965 during a sale of household furniture in Ashby, Leicestershire.

The papers are attributed to Harry Paget Flashman, the bully featured in Thomas Hughes' novel, who becomes a well-known Victorian military hero (in Fraser's fictional England). The papers were supposedly written between 1900 and 1905. The subsequent publishing of these papers, of which Flashman is the first installment, contrasts the public image of a (fictional) hero with his own more scandalous account of his life as an amoral and cowardly bully.

Flashman begins with the eponymous hero's own account of his expulsion from Rugby and ends with his fame as "the Hector of Afghanistan". It details his life from 1839 to 1842 and his travels to Scotland, India, and Afghanistan.

It also contains a number of notes by the author, in the guise of a mere editor of the papers, providing additional historical glosses on the events described. The history in these books is largely accurate; most of the prominent figures Flashman meets were real people.

Plot summary

Flashman's expulsion from Rugby for drunkenness leads him to join the British Army in what he hopes will be a sinecure. He joins the 11th Regiment of Light Dragoons commanded by Lord Cardigan, to whom he toadies in his best style. After an affair with a fellow-officer's lover, he is challenged to a duel but wins after promising a large sum of money to the pistol loader to give his opponent a blank load in his gun. He does not kill his opponent but instead delopes and accidentally shoots the top off a bottle thirty yards away, an action that gives him instant fame and the respect of the Duke of Wellington.

Once the reason for fighting emerges, the army stations Flashman in Scotland. He is quartered with the family of textile industrialist Morrison and soon enough takes advantage of one of the daughters, Elspeth. After a forced marriage, Flashman is required to resign the Hussars due to marrying below his station. He is given another option, to make his reputation in India.

By showing off his language and riding skills in India, Flashman is assigned to the staff of Major General William George Keith Elphinstone, who is to command the garrison at the worst frontier of the British Empire at that time, Afghanistan. Upon arrival, he meets a soldier who relates the narrow escape he made in November 1842, on the first night of the Afghan Uprising. After Akbar Khan proclaims a general revolt which the citizens of Kabul immediately heed, a mob storms the house of Sir Alexander Burnes, one of the senior British political officers, and murders him and his staff. The soldier, stationed nearby, manages to flee in midst of the confusion.

This tale sets the tone for Flashman's proceeding adventures, including the 1842 retreat from Kabul and the Battle of Jellalabad, in the First Anglo-Afghan War. Despite being captured, tortured and escaping death numerous times, hiding and shirking his duty as much as possible, he comes through it with a hero's reputation ... although his triumph is tempered when he realizes his wife might have been unfaithful while he was away.

My Thoughts:

The byline by one paper's review (on the cover but probably illegible at that size) is “Villainy Triumphant”. That is the most apt description for this book.

This was a vile piece of filth, a vomitorium of trash, something so wrong that it left me sputtering because I couldn't finds to express my utter disgust and horror that something like this could exist.

Flashman lies, cheats, murders and rapes his way through this book and is not only unrepentant but glad he did everything he did. He also considers anyone not looking out exclusively for themselves as idiots of the first order. While Flashman might be a fictional construct, the author thought this up and I trust he will be judged in the end for having created something so vile.

Evil and vile are the two words that spring to mind. I am sickened and appalled that someone would write something like this for entertainment.

This month is not turning out well for me and books.

✬☆☆☆☆

Rebellion ★★★✬☆

 

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Rebellion
Series: One Piece #19
Arc: Baroque Works #8
Author: Eiichiro Oda
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Manga
Pages: 216
Words: 9K

Synopsis:

From Wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_One_Piece_chapters_(1_186)

"Battlefront"

"Rainbase, the City of Dreams"

"The Kingdom's Strongest Warrior"

"Beginning"

"Koza, Leader of the Rebels"

"Rebellion"

"Bananagator"

"Mr. Prince"

"Release"

"Rush

Karoo brings news of Crocodile's treachery to the king, who decides to attack Rainbase and sends Pell (the country's strongest soldier) to scout ahead. Smoker awaits the Straw Hats in Rainbase and chases several of them into Crocodile's casino, where they fall through a trapdoor into a cage. After defeating Pell, Crocodile's partner Miss All-Sunday captures Vivi and brings her to the casino; Baroque Works' final plan is set in motion. The king is abducted, and the rebellion supplied with weapons. Mr. 2, impersonating the king, admits stealing the country's rain. In response, the rebels attack the capital. Crocodile leaves the cage surrounded by his oversized crocodiles, while the room floods with water. Chopper lures Crocodile away from the casino, while Sanji enters it and fights the crocodiles. One of them spits out Mr. 3, and Sanji forces him to open the cage by creating a key. Smoker, aware of Crocodile's plan, calls for reinforcements while the Straw Hats head for Alubarna. Luffy, however, stays behind to take on the warlord.

My Thoughts:

Vivi didn't talk as much in this volume so I enjoyed that aspect a LOT more.

Baroque Works finally begin their big plan of destroying Alabastra (I'll admit, I'm still not clear on the “why” or what Sir Crocodile hopes to accomplish by this) and that gives the Straw Hats a concrete enemy. Luffy is as brash and loudmouthed as he's ever been and ends up leading the Straw Hats into a trap. Sanji rescues them and everyone but Luffy heads off to the capital to hopefully prevent a fight between citizens of the country. Luffy stays behind to fight Sir Crocodile.

While I had a decent time with this, circumstances going on around me definitely affected my enjoyment. I was doing my federal taxes and it didn't go well. So maybe this would have been a 4star read at a different time? I don't know. Life is too full to wait for “the perfect time” to read and sometimes a decent book gets overshadowed. That's life.

★★★✬☆

• All My "One Piece" Reviews

Tales of Angria ★☆☆☆☆ DNF

 

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Title: Tales of Angria
Series: ----------
Author: Charlotte Bronte
Rating: 1 of 5 Stars
Genre: Romance
Pages: DNF 10/786
Words: DNF 3k/227K

Synopsis:

From Wikipedia

In 1834, Charlotte Brontë and her brother Branwell created the imaginary kingdom of Angria in a series of tiny handmade books. Continuing their saga some years later, the five 'novelettes' in this volume were written by Charlotte when she was in her early twenties, and depict a aristocratic beau monde in witty, racy and ironic language. She creates an exotic, scandalous atmosphere of intrigue and destructive passions, with a cast ranging from the ageing rake Northangerland and his Byronic son-in-law Zamorna, King of Angria, to Mary Percy, Zamorna's lovesick wife, and Charles Townshend, the cynical, gossipy narrator. Together the tales provide a fascinating glimpse into the mind and creative processes of the young writer who was to become one of the world's great novelists.

My Thoughts:

When the story starts out with a heroine actively trying to emotionally seduce a married man, that was all it took for me to DNF this. I believe this is the last entry for Charlotte Bronte and my goodness, that is good. Outside of Jane Eyre and Villette, none of her stories have really stood up as far as I'm concerned.

It probably also didn't help that the last couple of books have both been 1stars, dnf's or both. Having three books in a row all be 1stars is wicked disheartening and the only thing I have to say is that the rest of the month better improve or I'll be writing some seriously inappropriate book reviews where I get mean and ugly.

Bleh.

★☆☆☆☆

• All of My "Bronte Sisters" Reviews

The Madness of Cthulhu Vol. 1 ★★★✬☆

 

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: The Madness of Cthulhu Vol. 1
Series: Cthulhu Anthology #3
Editor: ST Joshi
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Weird Fiction
Pages: 274
Words: 114K

Synopsis:

Table of Contents

Foreword by Jonathan Maberry

Introduction by S. T. Joshi

At the Mountains of Murkiness by Arthur C. Clarke

The Fillmore Shoggoth by Harry Turtledove

Devil’s Bathtub by Lois H. Gresh

The Witness in Darkness by John Shirley

How the Gods Bargain by William Browning Spencer

A Mountain Walked by Caitlín R. Kiernan

Diana of the Hundred Breasts by Robert Silverberg

Under the Shelf by Michael Shea

Cantata by Melanie Tem

Cthulhu Rising by Heather Graham

The Warm by Darrell Schweitzer

Last Rites by K. M. Tonso

Little Lady by J. C. Koch

White Fire by Joseph S. Pulver, Sr.

A Quirk of the Mistral by Jonathan Thomas

The Dog Handler’s Tale by Donald Tyson

My Thoughts:

Well, the collections by Salome Jones were definitely Cosmic Horror and were creepy and scary and thrilling. This collection by Joshi was not cosmic horror so much as it was Weird Fiction. Now, Lovecraft's work can be classified as both but after reading this collection, I find that I much prefer the cosmic horror over the weird fiction.

One thing that didn't work so much for me was that this had bits of humor interlaced with it and nothing about Cthulhu is humorous nor should it be. The opening story, At the Mountains of Murkiness, while an absolute genius piece of parody, set the tone for the whole collection and that was not what I was looking for. The second thing that bothered me was that in a couple of stories Cthulhu or his elder god brethren actually helped humanity. That is NOT how this mythology is supposed to work and the writers who did that should not only be ashamed of themselves but should jump off a cliff to expiate for their literary sins. Or I'd gladly chop their heads off as their bodies are torn apart by a tentacled monstrosity from the depths of utter darkness. But either way, somebody's gotta pay for that optimism.

I enjoyed this but not as much as I was hoping. I'll be prepared for the next volume so we'll see if expectations played as big a part as I think it did. Weird Fiction, here I come!

★★★✬☆

• Cthulhu Lives! (Book 1)

• Cthulhu Lies Dreaming (Book 2)

The Cave ★★★✬☆

 

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: The Cave
Series: Bone #8
Author: Jeff Smith
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 28
Words: 1K

Synopsis:

From Boneville.fandom.com

At the betting booth (which Phoney made himself), Phoney Bone convinces Euclid to bet one goat on the Mystery Cow (which is actually Smiley in a costume) instead of three shovels. Fone Bone arrives and questions Phoney about the rat creatures attacking Gran'ma Ben's Farm. Phoney claims he has no idea why they did so but Fone Bone refuses to believe him. Smiley Bone has also arrived and has a unconvincing cow suit. Later at night, Thorn has a dream about her as a young child in the dragon's cave. Right after she wakes up Fone Bone and tells him not to wake the others. She tells Fone Bone that she used to have this dream as a little girl, but it eventually stopped. After Fone Bone showed her the map she started having the dreams again, and she also claims that she drew the map. They decide to tell Gran'ma Ben about all this after this after the race, so she isn't stressed out before the race.

My Thoughts:

The mystery thickens! Much like a gravy sauce in fact. We find out Thorn has been having dreams about the map that led the Bones into the forest and she thinks she is the one who drew it. We get hints that not only does Gran'ma Ben know the red dragon but that there is a whole slew of dragons that Thorn met as a little girl. Whom she was dropped off into by a mysterious robed stranger. I'm getting serious lost princess vibes here.

Phoney starts up a betting booth and is pushing everyone he can towards the Mystery Cow, which is just going to be Smiley in a homemade cow costume. Why Phoney thinks he is going to get away with this is beyond me. Considering how his antics got the Bones run out of Boneville, it's very evident he hasn't learned his lesson, not even one bit. The problem is that Fone and Smiley keep enabling him. What they need to do is leave him alone and let some villagers kill Phoney when he tries one of his scams on them. They won't do that though so the scams keep on happening.

The issue ends with Fone advising Thorn to wake up Gran'ma Ben and talk about the map and her dreams. Thorn wants to defer it until after the cow race tomorrow. So you know something BAAAAD is going to happen because of that delay. It's just like those horror movies where the kids hide in a shed filled with farm implements. Worst idea ever that never turns out well.

Reading this so slowly feels like I am getting a drip feed. At the same time, it is helping me to slow down and not gulp the whole story. While I might not remember a lot of details in 10 years, I am paying attention now, which wouldn't happen if I was reading the Complete One Volume Bone like I did before. I'd liken it to sitting in a garden and watching Bob Ross paint his little broccoli trees.

★★★✬☆

• All My "Bone" Reviews

Heavy Weather ★★★✬☆

 

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Title: Heavy Weather
Series: Blandings Castle #4
Authors: PG Wodehouse
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Humor
Pages: 218
Words: 82K

Synopsis:

From Wikipedia.org

Plot introduction

With the Hon. Galahad's reminiscences removed from the market, publisher Lord Tilbury is anxious to get hold of the manuscript, while Lady Constance Keeble and Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe want to lay hands on it for quite other reasons. Lord Emsworth fears that Parsloe-Parsloe is out to spoil his prize pig Empress of Blandings' chances at the forthcoming county show, and keeps detective Pilbeam on hand to keep watch. Meanwhile, Sue Brown is anxious to hide her old friendship with Monty Bodkin from her jealous fiance Ronnie Fish, giving his mother Lady Julia a chance to talk him out of the unsuitable marriage...

Plot summary

Monty Bodkin, despite his wealth, needs to hold a job down for a full year so when he is sacked from his job, he jumps at a tip that his old job as secretary is available, especially on hearing that his former fiancee will be on the premises.

Hearing that Monty is on his way, and concerned about Ronnie's jealous nature, Sue heads to London, dines with Bodkin and warns him to be distant. On the train back, they both encounter Ronnie's formidable mother and claim not to know each other. Lady Julia, having seen Sue and Monty at lunch together, tells her son about their suspicious behaviour, and Ronnie is at once convinced that Sue loves Monty.

Meanwhile, Connie and Parsloe-Parsloe, unaware of these developments, task Percy Pilbeam with obtaining Galahad's manuscript, used to ensure Sue and Ronnie's marriage is permitted. Lord Tilbury, also wanting the book, visits the castle and is rebuffed. Leaving, he calls on the Empress, but is locked in a shed by Pirbright the pig-man, instructed by a suspicious Lord Emsworth to guard the pig closely. He is released by Monty Bodkin, who he persuades to steal the book by offering him a year's guaranteed employment—he is worried about his tenure at the castle, as Lord Emsworth suspects him, being the nephew of his rival Parsloe-Parsloe, of scheming to nobble his pig, the Empress.

Beach, catching Pilbeam in the act of grabbing the book, tells Galahad and is instructed to guard the book himself. When he overhears Tilbury and Bodkin plotting in the garden at the Emsworth Arms however, he sees the task is too much for him and hands the book on to Ronnie Fish. Fish is distracted by his loss of Sue's love, but once the storm breaks feels better; he sees Monty Bodkin, drenched from the rain, and is friendly towards him. However, when he sees "Sue" tattooed on Bodkin's chest, his mood turns sour once more.

Sue, having heard Ronnie's kind words, is also cheered and rushes to find Ronnie; when he is once more cold and distant, she breaks down and breaks off the engagement. Bodkin finds Ronnie and asks him a favour—to get Beach to hand over the book, explaining he needs it to marry his girl. Ronnie, inwardly furious, chivalrously hands it over. Gally sees Sue is upset, learns all and confronts Ronnie with his idiocy. He explains about Bodkin and Sue, and Ronnie forgives her. Gally then confronts his sisters, threatening them once more with his book; although Julia is at first unmoved, when Gally relates a few of the stories it contains concerning her late husband "Fishy" Fish, she is defeated.

Bodkin, having engaged Pilbeam to find the book for him, tells the detective he is no longer needed, revealing where he has hidden the manuscript. Pilbeam steals it, planning to auction it between Tilbury and the Connie-Parsloe syndicate, and hides it in a disused shed. He informs Lord Emsworth that Bodkin released Tilbury, and Bodkin is fired. Pilbeam is summoned to see Lady Constance, and primes himself with a bottle of champagne. She is insulting, and Pilbeam vows to sell the book to Tilbury, who he calls promising to deliver it, but he retires to bed first to sleep off the booze.

Lord Emsworth, having moved the Empress to her new sty for safety, finds her eating the manuscript. Pilbeam sees this, and hurries to Connie and Parsloe-Parsloe, but is denied his fee when they find the pig has eaten the book. He then rushes to the Emsworth Arms, and gets a cheque out of Lord Tilbury, telling him the book is in the pigsty. Bodkin is on hand, however, and destroys the cheque and warns Emsworth by phone that someone is heading for his sty. Later, full of remorse, he offers Pilbeam a thousand pounds to employ him for a year in his agency.

While Emsworth is being badgered by his sisters into denying Ronnie his money, a mud-spattered Lord Tilbury is brought in, captured by Pirbright. Gally and Sue then appear, informing Emsworth that Ronnie has the pig in his car and will drive off with it if denied his cash. Emsworth coughs up, and the happy couple depart, much to Gally's satisfaction.

My Thoughts:

I was afraid this series, with it's running gag about Lord Emsworth's pig and the scandalous book and the young couples in love would get tiresome. I stand here to proclaim to you that so far, that fear has not materialized. I laughed my head off, yet again, at another Wodehouse humorous plot that was insane.

I hate to say it, but really, that first paragraph sums up my entire experience with this book. I was afraid it was going to be bad, it wasn't and I had a great time. What is nice is that this is not a re-skinned Jeeves and Wooster. The butler in this series is most definitely NOT Jeeves and while most of the young people fit into the Wooster mold, none of them are Wooster. In some ways its a fine distinction but it gives this series some extra oomph and, I think, staying-power.

Of course, when I was reading Jeeves, by the third book I wasn't thinking it would get tiresome either. See, I can make up drama about books with the best of them. And sometimes, you just gotta make it up because otherwise you end up writing a review that consists of “I enjoyed this book”.

★★★✬☆

• All of My "Wodehouse" Reviews

• All of My “Blandings Castle” Reviews

The Wings of the Dove ★☆☆☆☆ DNF@Page347

 

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: The Wings of the Dove
Authors: Henry James
Rating: 1 of 5 Stars DNF
Genre: Literature
Pages: 544 / 347
Words: 195K / 124K

★☆☆☆☆

There I was, reading a lengthy, wordy, utterly pointless and despicably worthless book. I'd been trapped in this book since January of 2021. I would take lunch and when I felt up to it, I'd read 1-5 pages. The author's determination to make everything as complicated, opaque and difficult as possible made me want to beat him over the head with this tome. But I didn't stop.

I was obviously a sick and addicted man. But it wasn't MY fault. I HAD to read this book to prove to all those Literature People that I was just as intelligent as them! Without this book, how could I show my face in public and discuss the principles of Historical Victorianism Viewed Through a Lens of Ironic Byronism? I NEEDED this book. I really needed a DNF but I hid my problem so well that nobody suspected, not even my closest friends. Without knowing I even had a problem, there was no way they could stage an intervention and get me the help I so desperately needed. So I was stuck in a self-destructive loop of Modern Literature and Pride.

I needed a Hero. Someone to rescue me. Someone to bash Henry James in the face while simultaneously shoving all 544 pages of this book down his scrawny throat. But in this Age of Grimdark Villains and Anti-Heroes, where would I even begin looking for such a Hero as I needed? Even when I asked Shrek to use this book as toilet paper, he read one sentence and simply ran away. Where Oh Where was my Hero!?

♪I need a hero♪

♪I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night♪

♪He's gotta be strong♪

♪And he's gotta be fast♪

♪And he's gotta be fresh from the fight♪

♪I need a hero♪

♪I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light♪

♪He's gotta be sure♪

♪And it's gotta be soon♪

♪And he's gotta be larger than life♪

♪Larger than life♪

It turns out, My Hero was right next to me this whole time and I never even realized it until it was too late. My good friend, mild mannered energy drink, Mr Silver Ice came to work with me one day. Little did I know that HE was the Super Hero known as The Rockstar. When The Rockstar saw what was going on he realized only one thing could save me. That day, The Rockstar poured his life out for me and destroyed that book because I was unable to do it myself. I stand here before you all today ONLY because The Rockstar was a true, selfless and self-sacrificing hero. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about. When I opened my bag at lunch and saw the sacrifice The Rockstar had made for me, the chains of bondage to that terrible book were broken and I DNF'd it right on the spot.

Friends, I hope my experience can help some of you. I know the addiction of being a completist, the siren call to just finish the book, no matter how terrible it is. The agony, the pain, the deception as you avoid your friends' eyes and tell them everything is fine. I KNOW. And I sympathize. But you have to accept that you can't do this alone. DNF'ing is a matter that can cut to the soul and most times we simply can't do it. While not everyone has a friend like The Rockstar to help them like I had, I vow, here and now, to help everyone I come across who is struggling with this issue. Do you need help DNF'ing a book? Then I will help you.

I will carry on the Legacy that The Rockstar started in my life. Bad Books and Jackass Authors will tremble at the mere sight of my shadow. The sound of my fingers typing will send them into paroxysms of terror. The Righteous Flames of Wrath will be so expressive from my eyes that their souls will writhe and shrivel to bother us no more.

So fear not, mortals, for this day, in your very sight, a New Defender has arisen. The Bookstooge will be the scourge of the Space Ways, protecting all who may need it (and even those who don't, sometimes anyway).

Mild mannered Bookstooge

and his alter-ego, The Bookstooge