The Return ★★☆☆☆

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Title: The Return
Series: ----------
Author: Joseph Helmreich
Rating: 2 of 5 Stars
Genre: SF
Pages: 256
Format: Digital Edition

Synopsis:

Andrew Leland was abducted by aliens on national tv. Six years later, he is found wandering in the desert but claims to have no memory of ever being abducted.

College student, and genius, Shawn Ferris practically worshipped Leland for his ideas in whatever science they both are in. But being a Millennial, Shawn doesn't believe that Leland has any right to keep his experience a secret. So he begins a correspondence under false pretenses and discusses theory and such stuff with Leland. Shawn then hunts Leland down only to be abducted himself by a super secret agency that Leland ran away from.

Shawn is convinced to work for them to help defend Earth against an alien invasion. But when he is chased and shot at by security for not toe'ing the company line, Shawn realizes somethin is off. On the run, Shawn is rescued by Leland and together they try to avoid detection by Ambius. It turns out Leland built a protective barrier for the aliens to keep humans out and Ambius used Shawn to reverse engineer it and figure out how to invade the aliens planet. Meanwhile, the aliens want to invade Earth to put a stop to the threat that humanity poses but they can't because of the barrier. So when Ambius invades, they'll be opening Earth up to an invasion as well.

Shawn and Leland kill some people, steal the artifact that it was all about and Shawn destroys the artifact. Leland realizes too late that the artifact is actually the alien he was in love with while on the planet.

The End.

My Thoughts:

What a piece of trash this was. While I noticed absolutely nothing wrong with the grammar, etc, both Shawn and Leland are Grade A jackasses. And since they are the supposed good guys, you can imagine what the bad guys are like.

Shawn is a know it all, butt hurt little prick. His insistance that Leland has no “right” to keep what he knows to himself is the epitomy of everything I despise today. Privacy, phhhh. I did not like Shawn at all. Leland was even worse though. He was super powered due to something the aliens had done to him and could almost literally walk through a hail of bullets but all he could think about was his lost alien love back on Planet X. He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't even try. He just wanted humanity to die. He made the choice to come back and then does nothing but wish he had stayed.

I enjoyed the idea of the story and if the characters had been more likeable or sympathetic, I probably would have enjoyed this and recommended it. But as it is, I won't recommend this to anyone and will be staying away from anything that Joseph Helmreich may write in the future.

★★☆☆☆

We are Legion (We are Bob) (Bobiverse #1) ☆☆☆☆½ DNF'd at 8%

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Title: We are Legion (We are Bob)
Series: Bobiverse #1
Author: Dennis Taylor
Rating: 0.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: SF
Pages: 383 / DNF'd at 8%
Format: Digital Edition

Synopsis:

DNF'd at 8%

My Thoughts:

Forget the countries run by tyrants working on nukes. Forget the hordes of militant Islamics raping their way across Europe and Africa. Forget the Russians & Chinese and their militant outlook and history of war, pillaging and conquering. Oh no...

WATCH OUT FOR THOSE CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISTS WHO BREAK THE LAW AND RULE THE UNITED STATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I laid it on a bit thick there with all those exclamation points. But one thing this book did do for me was make me realize how some people are so blinded and what vision they do have is so skewed, that for all intents and purposes, we're not even seeing the same world.

☆☆☆☆½

Sandworms of Dune (Dune 7 #2) ★☆☆☆☆

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Title: Sandworms of Dune
Series: Dune 7 #2
Author: Brian Herbert & Kevin Anderson
Rating: 1 of 5 Stars
Genre: SF
Pages: 628
Format: Digital Edition

Synopsis:

Duncan and the crew of the Ithaca, along with several gholas, have adventures and get caught by Omnius. Duncan, as the best Kwisatz Haderach EVAH!!!!!, is the apex of humanity and does some kinky stuff with Erasmus, the thinking Robot. Then Erasmus dies. But not before Norma Cenva, the Oracle of Time, has saved the day with her Guild and using her magic powers makes all the versions of Omnius go poof.

Murbella singlehandedly forces the known forces of humanity to band together, only to have it all fall apart due to the machinations of the face dancers. But Norma Cenva, Oracle of Time, saves the day with her guild!

Before Erasmus dies, he kills all the face dancers across the whole universe using “technology”, ie, magic. And Norma Cenva, the Oracle of Time....oh wait, not this time.

Now Grand Poobah Duncan, more powerful than any human who has ever existed, must guide humanity and the rest of the thinking machines, into a future where they all get along while singing kum by ya and roasting smores around a campfire.

My Thoughts:

Back in 2007, I read and reviewed Sandworms of Dune. Overall, I was wicked happy with it, giving it 4stars. That was, unbeknownst to me then, simply due to the finishing up of the storyline of Dune.

This time around I read as a more mature Dune fan and I have to say, I felt like throwing up at this juvenile, facile and stinking putrescence of a book. I didn't even take notes of all the things I found abhorrent as it would have given this way more attention than I wanted to give it.

Trained Bene Gesserit Sisters being ambushed in plain sight by what amounts to no more than farmers. Duncan ignoring everything that came before about the dangers of prescience and claiming that he was better than both Paul and Leto II and so the dangers didn't apply to him. Everything that Frank Herbert wrote about, using Paul, as Paul Muad'dib, as the Preacher of Arrakeen, Leto II as the Tyrant, simply flushed down the toilet like it was a huge stinking turd so that that mediocre jackass authors could do what they wanted with this story. I want to blaspheme it makes me so angry.

The writing was just atrocious with its utter banality. Frank usually didn't write about the Great Big Events either, but he always used the small stuff afterwards to show how the GBE affected everything around it. His writing was masterful in that regards. Anderson put his stamp of complete mediocre writing on this book very heavily. Ham handed and dull, what a combo.

Normally, a bad book like this gets me raving and writing up a storm. This time, I'm just disappointed. Really disappointed. The kind of disappointment that makes a father disown his only son. I'm giving this my “worst book of the year” tag I'm so disappointed.

I now declare:

Henceforth, let it be known amongst the nations, to all peoples, kindreds, tribes and tongues, that Bookstooge, whose works the mighty look upon and despair, shall only read Dune as a standalone. Paul Maud'dib shall live happily ever after and his reign shall be long, prosperous and fair. The known universe shall benefit, from the lowliest servant to the mightiest lord and all shall love Paul and call his named blessed. 

Bookstooge thus declares it and thus reality shall alter to his will.

All Hail Bookstooge, Emperor of the Known Bookiverse!

★☆☆☆☆

• Sandworms of Dune (2007 Review)
• Hunters of Dune (Book 1)
• Reviews of the Dune Chronicles

Light (Kefahuchi Tract #1) ★☆☆☆☆

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Title: Light

Series: Kefahuchi Tract #1

Author: M. John Harrison

Rating: 1 of 5 Stars

Genre: SF

Pages: 432

Format: Digital edition

Synopsis:

So much purposeful distortion that I'm not even going to bother to try to put up a synopsis. Trash like this isn't worth it.

My Thoughts:

I wasted my time reading this bloody piece of bolluxy crap.

The author is a clever fellow. You can tell because he's always having his characters do drugs, have sex and vomit. Nothing speaks more cleverly than multiple times of vomiting. Even as I'm typing I'm vomiting, on the floor, so that this review will be so much more cleverer.

I was expecting a real SF story. What I got was some pretentious wanker's drug induced hallucinogenic anal excretions.

This is the kind of writing that I would expect a brainless Oscar/Emmy/Whatever Winner to nod sagely about and say something along the lines of * insert typical hollywood soundbyte blather * or some Literati to talk about its 77 different layered meanings to each of us. In other words, total bs.

To close, this book brought me close to Patrick Rothfuss levels of rage.

★☆☆☆☆ 

The Punch Escrow ☆☆☆☆ ½ DNF@42%

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Title: The Punch Escrow

Series: ----------

Author: Tal Klein

Rating: 0.5 of 5 Stars

Genre: SF

Pages: 333

Format: Digital Edition

Synopsis:

8 All things are full of weariness;
    a man cannot utter it;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
    nor the ear filled with hearing.

9 What has been is what will be,
    and what has been done is what will be done,
    and there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there a thing of which it is said,
    “See, this is new”?
It has been already
    in the ages before us.

11 There is no remembrance of former things,[d]
    nor will there be any remembrance
of later things[e] yet to be
    among those who come after.

Ecclesiastes 1:8-11

English Standard Version

My Thoughts:

SYLVIA

“I had an abortion, Joel.”
….
“I guess about a month later , I realized I was pregnant. Keeping it was never an option. I had career plans, and my dad wasn't well,so I...”
….
“I'm sorry I never told you.”

JOEL

“I love you, Syl. You made the right choice.”

That “you made the right choice” killed this book completely. Between the, once again, complete lack of originality [go watch the movie The Prestige, or read some foundational science fiction] that I moaned about in Dark Matter and that complete disregard for the most helpless of human life, I am done.

☆☆☆☆ ½

The Night Parade (Forgotten Realms: The Harpers #4) ★☆☆☆ ½

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Title: The Night Parade

Series: Forgotten Realms: The Harpers #4

Author: Scott Ciencin

Rating: 1.5 of 5 Stars

Genre: Fantasy

Pages: 310

Format: Digital Edition

Synopsis:

Myrmeen, ruler of a successful city, is approached by her ex-husband. He tells her that their only child never died but that he instead sold the baby girl into slavery to pay off his debts. After lopping off her ex's head, Myrmeen calls together some of her former compatriots, who are all Harpers.

Their research leads them to the conclusion that every so many years a hideous group of supernatural beings kidnaps children for nefarious purposes and said group is known as the Night Parade. The group finds Krystin, Myrmeen's daughter but in their rush to leave the city, things happen, people die and the Night Parade is no longer content to let them be.

The Myrmeen and Co group meet up with a vigilante who has a magical item that he uses to kill the Night Parade. They all start hunting down the badguys, For The Children, and the Night Parade hits back, hard. Harpers die left and right, betrayals happen even after death and hardly anybody is who they say they are.

Krystin was a plant to lure in Myrmeen, the Night Parade are barren creatures from another realm that they can't return to and through the Power of Luv, Myrmeen and Krystin rack up a serious body count of all their friends and tear away the shadow hiding the Night Parade. The Night Parade is prevented from ever recruiting more members and Myrmeen finds out that her biological daughter is being raised in a neighboring kingdom as a Poet Princess. Myrmeen lets her go and sets off on living life with Krystin as her stand-in daughter.

My Thoughts:

Wow! And here I thought Red Magic bad. This is the kind of Forgotten Realms book that gives the series its b-class, sub-standard, fantasy is crap, kind of reputation.

I suspect that Ciencin was told to write for horny 13 year old boys, as there were lots of descriptions of generic cleavage and legs and beauty and desire and crap. Sadly, the rest of the writing I'm not sure that even a 13 year old boy would put up with. Maybe?

Myrmeen. Where do I even start? She doesn't think, she reacts at all the wrong times, she doesn't consider anyone else but herself and then the eyerolling, gag inducing saccharin sweetness of her desire to be a mom. It was done wrong and it was done lazily and it was done stupidly. It doesn't help that she seems to be attracted to every male she comes into contact with and that every single one of them dies. Seriously, she's worse than a black widow.

The only reason I'm not complaining about the other characters is because except for Krystin, they ALL die. That's just laziness to me. Don't know how to handle someone's future? Easy, kill them off. Don't know how to engage your readers on a gut level? Easy, kill off a trusted companion. Don't know how to even write effectively? Easy, kill somebody.

If you stuck a gun to my head and forced me to answer the question, which was worse, this book or Bloodwalk I would be really hard pressed to know what to say. I have had a recent string of bad books in the Forgotten Realms and I have to wonder when it is going to end. This Harpers series is on life support and it'll only take 1 more stinker to sink the ship. I just hate wasting my time on trash.

While I rated this 1/2star higher than Bloodwalk, I am giving this book the “Worst Book of the Year” tag as its Mother/Daughter thing was so badly done that I felt nauseous. Bravo! And it turns out that this is the first book to have that dubious honor. Double Bravo!!

★☆☆☆ ½

1. Red Magic (Book 3)
2. Elfshadow (Book 2)
3. The Parched Sea (Book 1)
4. The Wizards series
5. Threat from the Sea trilogy
6. Return of the Archwizards trilogy

Spring Snow (Sea of Fertility #1) ★★☆☆☆

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Title: Spring Snow

Series: Sea of Fertility #1

Author: Yukio Mishima

Rating: 2 of 5 Stars

Genre: Japanese Lit

Pages: 399

Format: Digital Edition

Synopsis:

Kiyoaki, son of a wealthy samurai family, has been raised in the Ayakura household. The Ayakuras are an ancient royal family and the Matsugae's hope that some of the Ayakura's polish will rub off on Kiyoaki.

The Ayakura's have a daughter who is in love with Kiyoaki. However, Kiyoaki is the forerunner of the emo-goths and so self-absorbed that he ignores or repels anything having to do with anyone else. He rejects Satoko's love and she is then affianced to a direct descendant of the Emperor.

Kiyoaki loses it, starts a torrid affair with Satoko without thinking about any of the consequences. Satoko becomes pregnant, is forced to abort the baby and in response joins a nunnery. Kiyoaki refuses to believe that Satoko would spurn him and in the process of trying to get her attention, catches pneunomia and dies.

My Thoughts:

Ugh. And that pretty much sums up every single feeling I had about this book. It was “Literature” with a Capital L.

It was beautifully written and the translator did a fantastic job of keeping that beauty intact. However, nothing could disguise the pathetic, childish, self-centered, disgusting character of the main character. Kiyoaki was a typical young man but without getting any of his sharp corners ground down by his parents or his friends. So at the end, he cracks and breaks.

This was reading about the worst of people, just because the author felt like writing it. In the introduction, by the publishers, they give a little history of the author. He killed himself at the age of 45. If his mindset continued like this book, it's no wonder.

This was supposed to be a tetralogy, but I'm not sure how this can be a series since the main character dies. From the tone of the book, I'd guess that the series is all tied together by some esoteric “Idea”. Ugh. Again. 

I will NOT be reading any more by Mishima.

★★☆☆☆ 

Bloodwalk (Forgotten Realms: The Wizards #2) ★☆☆☆☆

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 Title: Bloodwalk

 Series: Forgotten Realms: The Wizards #2

 Author: James Davis

 Rating: 1 of 5 Stars

 Genre: Fantasy

 Pages: 320

 Format: Digital Edition

Synopsis:

A blood witch is planning on taking over a forest and then some towns, or something. She fools the local oracles who have foiled past plots by pretending to be their god. She raises necromantic forces to take over.

Concurrently, a man with angelic blood in him, a devotee to Hoar, the god of justice [you have NO idea how much I laughed at that] is a wandering justice dispensor. He wanders into the situation and is attempting to stop the blood witch.

Finally, you have 2 sisters, one an oracle, one a hunter who are both fighting to protect their town from complete and utter devastation. Enemies within and without make the job that much harder. Plus dead parents and all the baggage that means.

My Thoughts:

This was trash. It was a poor storyline, poorly executed and poorly written. Davis knows his grammar rules, thankfully, so there were no aggregious misuses of your/you're, etc. But telling the story? My goodness. The motivation for everyone was clear as mud.

I completely skimmed the last 25% and STILL had a tough time finishing. It didn't help that I was coming off a book that I also didn't like, so this was like rubbing salt in the wound.

It did force me to decide if I wanted to continue this Wizards sub-series and the answer was a resounding “NO!”. Sometimes Forgotten Realms books are just junk and you have to chuck them out the window to keep your sanity.

★☆☆☆☆ 

1. Blackstaff (Book 1)

Instinct (Chess Team Adventure #2) ★★☆☆☆

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 Title: Instinct

 Series: Chess Team Adventure #2 

Author: Jeremy Robinson

 Rating: 2 of 5 Stars

 Genre: Action/Adventure

 Pages: 365

 Format: Digital Edition

Synopsis:

A rogue Vietnam General comes across a super plague that he weaponizes. He uses it against the President of the United States and that sets the stage for the Chess Team. They are sent in to find a cure [as the plague has the potential to wipe out mankind within 2 years] but of course nothing can go easy, or they wouldn't be the Chess Team.

They run across a Vietnam special forces who are dedicated to wiping them out. They come across monstrous, devolved neanderthals who are all female and who eat humans and rape men to continue their race. They also come across a lost scientist who has started his own race of neanderthal/human hybrids and who wants the plague to succeed so his “children” can rule the world.

That is a lot to overcome. Plus the burden of saving the whole world. Phhhh, just a day's work for the Chess Team.

My Thoughts:

This was easily on track to being a 3.5star adventure. Then the author started talking about shoving guns down the throats of Fox News anchors and calling them fear mongering haters, or something close to that. That tanked this for me. It makes me suspect the author is a dickwad and someone I'd gladly punch in the face. But rather than give in to my baser instincts to hunt him down and beat him to within an inch of his miserable life, I chose to let it go. You don't see ME threatening to KILL anyone just because I don't LIKE them. Beatings are VERY different from killing.

On to the book then.

Pretty good adventure and action. The devolved neanderthals and their Lost City of Blah, Blah, Blah and how they used to be Masters of Humanity was a bit much for my taste in conjuction with the whole Plague Wiping Out the Whole World thing, but hey, it's better to have too much adventure than not enough.

Lots of fighting, lots of guns and stuff. What I expect and what I like in a military action/adventure story. And Bishop, the guy who got super human powers in the last book, he gets his head ripped off, regenerates and comes back badder than ever. And gets a “magic” crystal so he doesn't go all ravening zombie anymore. Quite convenient that. I guess the neanderthals were good for something.

★★☆☆☆ 

1. Pulse (Book 1)

Obsidian Worlds

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Title: Obsidian Worlds
Series: ------
Author: Jason Werbeloff
Rating: 1 of 5 Stars
Genre: SFF
Pages: 247
Format: Kindle digital edition

Synopsis:

11 short stories showcasing the writing talents of Jason Werbeloff.

My Thoughts:

Filth. Pure and simple. I felt like I had spent the time reading immersed directly in raw sewage from the author's mind.

Moral and Sexual perversions. Hatred, cruelty and loathing, against self and others. Whenever a character wasn't completely and deliberately unlikable, they were crass and vulgar to the extreme. And this was not crap writing. Werbeloff does a good job showing his writing chops. Sadly, he wastes it with subject material so vile. The only thing missing was child abuse.

I can only highly recommend skipping this and I know I sure won't be checking out any other writings by this guy.
`

Resurrection (Demon Squad #2)

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Title: Resurrection
Series: Demon Squad
Author: Tim Marquitz
Rating: 1 of 5 Stars
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Pages: 344
Format: Kindle digital edition

Synopsis:

Trig gets tricked, manipulated and whatnot into stopping a necromancer from raising Longinus, the soldier who stabbed Christ's side. Only Longinus was a demon, so he got a butt load of power from that act. If he comes back, he'll be top dog.

My Thoughts:

The first book was crass. I figured Marquitz was just seeing how this whole writing gig worked. This time around, his writing was just as crass, if not more and it is very apparent that this is a style choice by the author. So if you like your 500 year old half demon commenting on every pair of breasts and butt that he sees, running commentary on the state of his genitals at any given moment, and unrestrained lewdness and lustfulness, then this book is for you.

If, however, you have even an ounce of taste, restraint or class, this book will either secretly titillate you or disgust you. Considering the juvenile tone of everything, I'm betting on disgust.

The only positive is that now I can clear this series off my kindle and make room for another. That is damning praise indeed.

Blowback (Scot Harvath #4) DNF@35%

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Title: Blowback
Series: Scot Harvath
Author: Brad Thor
Rating: 1 of 5 Stars
Genre: Thiller
Pages: DNF
Format: Kindle digital edition







 

My Thoughts:

Scot Harvath is an arrogant ass hat of a main character. So when he just stayed that way, I realized that the author, Brad Thor, is deliberately writing him that way.

Therefore, I'm done. There IS a difference between being competent and being a jerk. Also, once again, all of Harvath's supposed former military training seems to have gone out the door. He doesn't ACT like a highly trained former SEAL, former Secret Service agent. He is not a fun character to read about. Half the action of this thriller seems to derive from his bad decisions.

It makes me wonder about Brad Thor.

City of the Lost

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Title: City of the Lost
Series: -----
Author: Stephen Blackmoore
Rating: 2 of 5 Stars
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Pages: 225
Format: Kindle digital edition







Synopsis:
Joe Sunday, low life thug for hire, does a job and is killed because of it. He is resurrected by the man who killed him. What follows is a whole lot of pulp noir with magic.
A wizard who wants to live forever. His scorned girlfriend. Joe Sunday, zombie PI and some do gooder of a witch who just wants to help all the poor little vampires who have bad diseases from feeding on other lowlifes.

Everything revolves around a magic stone. Serious as serious can be.

My Thoughts:
The first 10% of this book was so filled with profanity that not only did I create a new shelf labeled "Profanity" but was about to dnf it. I don't need this kind of *&^%$#@! in my reading life! If you don't get that, please look up "irony" in the dictionary.  However, after that 10% mark, it just dropped off. I have no idea why or what caused the initial vomital sludge but it did stop being an issue.

It did set the tone for the book though.

I am not a fan of pulp noir. Detectives and thugs who are as bad as the ones they are crossing are not the kind of character I really like to read about. I am also not a fan of urban fantasy [with a few exceptions], so this mash up was pretty much the worst of both worlds for me.

It was engaging enough that I did want to know how it ended and I finished this. However, I'll probably be avoiding future works by Mr. Blackmoore on general principle.

Atlantis Endgame (Time Traders #7) DNF@5%

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Title: Atlantis Endgame
Series: Time Traders
Author: Andre Norton, Sherwood Smith
Rating: 0.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: SFF
Pages: DNF
Format: Digital scan







My Thoughts:

The following quote from the book epitomizes why I abandoned this piece of betraying filth.

"Ross took her face in his hands so he could gaze down into those lovely brown eyes flecked with tiny bits of gold. I could swim in those eyes, he thought..."

The first 4 Time Trader books, by Norton alone, were wonderfully fun adventure stories. These previous 3 books were romance stories that hijacked the characters I had come to like and turned them into romantic caricatures of themselves. The Ross Murdoch of the Time Traders I liked would NEVER utter or think such things as the above. He was a man on a mission.

The Time Traders were betrayed by these collaborations and I for one am sick because of it. These last 3 books have now tainted the first four books for me. Good job Smith, you Chamberlain; Hitler would be proud.