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Title: Best Friends for Life
Series:
----------
Author: Michael & Judy
Phillips
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre:
Non-fiction
Pages: 240
Format: Paperback
The Phillips tell 4
different true stories (with particulars changed for anonymity's
sake) about young couples they knew and how they proceeded through
their dating, into marriage and how those marriages turned out.
The Phillips are
convinced that “dating” has such an abysmal track record when it
comes to marriages that last after dating that they want to explore
other avenues. Their suggestion? Marry your best friend. Basically,
make being friends with the opposite gender a higher priority than
romance and really know what you want in a spouse instead of letting
it all hang on hormones and feelings.
What does God,
through the Bible, say about what is important in a marriage? The
Phillips use very few specific Bible verses but count on their
audience already having a decent grasp of Scripture. They are writing
for someone who already wants what is best according to God's will
and is searching that out.
I read this originally back in 2000. At the time, I had graduated
from Bibleschool. Mrs B was still in highschool and we hadn't a
glimmer of the others' existence. I was mad to marry and was reading
all the advice books I could get my hands on. I wasn't going to be an
“old” man like my dad when he got married. For the record, he was
married at 28. I was 30. Ironic isn't it? So I figured if I could get
all that advice then Mrs Right would fall into my lap and whammo,
we'd have the perfect married life because obviously we'd have BOTH
read all kinds of these books and know exactly what to do and what
things to NOT do.
So the funny thing is, I actually
was friends with Mrs B long before we ever were romantically
involved. I met her on Xanga, a blogging site (not sure how much
traction it still has any more). She'd written a post about going to
a medieval wedding and ended her post with “Have a good Sabbath”.
I asked her what she meant by “Sabbath” as I was a Saturday
Sabbath keeper and it turned out she was a 7th
Day Adventist so she kept Saturday as well. We were friends
for a couple of years online but figured we'd never meet. She was in
California, I was on the East Coast. I didn't like to travel and she
had nothing to draw her to the East. But then a friend of mine, who
I'd gone to Bibleschool with, decided he was going to get married. In
California. He was in the Navy and would soon be shipping out in a
Sub (subbing out?) and I didn't know when I'd see him next so a group
of us all went to California. I informed Miss Librarian and invited
her as my plus one. Her brother, Sir Grumpsalot, came with her to
chaperone and my friends were at the wedding, so it was safe all
around. After the wedding that night, I asked her if I could court
her. I called her mother that week and a year later we were engaged
and 6 months after that we were married. Now, 10 years later, we're
STILL happily married.
Now, when I read this book back in 2000, I couldn't have predicted
this set of circumstances. In fact, I didn't WANT those set of
circumstances. I wanted somebody else. She has since gotten married
to a wonderful christian man, has a family and is a bedrock of Faith
for her family. But she wouldn't have been right for me nor me for
her. It took God to bring the correct Mrs Right into my life. That is
what this book is about more than anything. It isn't a hard and fast
set of rules that the Phillips promise will bring you the right
spouse. But they give solid advice about involving your parents, your
friends, and most of all, not letting your hormones and feelings be
in control. They are right.
They also give several examples of how people have changed what
they've suggested to work for their particular set of circumstances.
Some of the things they suggest simply weren't viable for Mrs B and
I, such as having family time with each other's families while we
were courting. The Phillips are very open that what they are
suggesting isn't the end and be all but they do strongly advise young
people and their parents to put much more effort into the whole
process than just “Oh, we're in love”.
Reading this again, for our 10th Wedding Anniversary, it
is uncanny how much God drew us both down this path in our
relationship with each other. I for one am thankful for that. Our
marriage is strong, we are happy and content with each other and
while our lives together haven't been what we've expected (Mrs B was
diagnosed with crohn's disease in '10), our foundation of friendship
has taken us through the times of hospitalization, lack of work, etc.
The book is a bit dated in regards to things they call out in
American Culture, ie, what they considered a cliff is only a mere
step compared to the moral cliff America has chosen to step off of
now. It was eye opening and a good indicator of just how fast our
country has gone down the path of immorality.
But ultimately, God Himself is in charge. He has taken responsibility
through Jesus Christ and one day He will return and make it right
again. I want to be ready for that and I hope you will be too.
★★★★☆
