Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Esio Trot ★★★✬☆

 


This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Esio Trot
Authors: Roald Dahl
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Short Story
Pages: 14
Words: 4.5K





Synopsis:


From Wikipedia.org


Mr Hoppy is a shy elderly man who lives alone in an apartment, tending to his many plants, which have been the centre of his life since he retired from his job in a bus garage several years before. For many years, he has had a secret love whose name was Mrs Silver. She lives in the flat below his, and he frequently leans over his balcony and exchanges polite conversations with Mrs Silver, but his courage fails him whenever he prepares to hint at his true feelings for her.


Mrs Silver has a small pet tortoise, Alfie, who is the centre of her world. One morning, Mrs Silver mentions to Mr Hoppy that even though she has owned Alfie for many years, he has only grown a tiny bit and has gained only 13 ounces in weight. She confesses that she wishes she knew of some way to make her little Alfie grow into a larger, more dignified tortoise. Mr Hoppy suddenly thinks of a way to give Mrs Silver her wish and win her heart.


Mr Hoppy tells Mrs Silver that he — in fact — knows a way to make a tortoise grow bigger. He writes the following words on a slip of paper, and lowers it down to Mrs Silver:


ESIO TROT, ESIO TROT,

TEG REGGIB REGGIB,

EMOC NO, ESIO TROT,

WORG PU, FFUP PU, TOOHS PU,

GNIRPS PU, WOLB PU, LLEWS PU!

EGROG! ELZZUG! FFUTS! PLUG!

TUP NO TAF, ESIO TROT, TUP NO TAF,

OG NO, OG NO, ELBBOG DOOF.


Mr Hoppy explains that these magic words, when whispered in Alfie's ear three times a day, will cause Alfie to grow bigger and bigger. Mrs Silver is doubtful, but agrees to try. (The words are, reversed, Tortoise, tortoise, get bigger bigger! Come on, tortoise, grow up, puff up, shoot up! Spring up, blow up, swell up! Gorge! Guzzle! Stuff! Gulp! Put on fat, tortoise, put on fat! Go on, go on, gobble food!)


Over the next few days, Mr Hoppy carries out the second part of his plan. He visits every pet shop in the city, and buys many tortoises of various sizes, but none that weigh less than 13 ounces. Mr Hoppy brings all the tortoises back to his flat and installs them in a makeshift corral in his living room. Next, Mr Hoppy builds a special tool to help him snatch the tortoise from Mrs Silver's balcony. He fastens a handle to the end of a long metal tube, and a tiny claw at the bottom. By pulling the handle, the arms of the claw gently open and close.


The following day, when Mrs Silver left for work, Mr Hoppy selects a tortoise from his living room that weighs exactly 15 ounces. He carefully picked Alfie up from the lower balcony, and exchanged him with the new tortoise. When Mrs Silver returned home, she faithfully whispers the magic words in Alfie's ear, but does not notice that an exchange has been made.


Over the next 8 weeks, Mr Hoppy continues to switch Mrs Silver's current pet with a slightly larger tortoise, but she still does not perceive that her pet is growing in size. One afternoon, Mrs Silver comments to Mr Hoppy that Alfie seems a bit bigger, but can not tell for sure. Suddenly, Mrs Silver notices that Alfie can no longer fit through the door to his house, and exclaims to Mr Hoppy that his spell is sure to be working. Mrs Silver runs inside and weighs her pet, and is surprised to find that Alfie now weighs 27 ounces, more than double the weight he was before. Mr Hoppy summons his courage and asks Mrs Silver if he can come down and see the effect for himself. Mrs Silver, in raptures over her pet's transformation, gladly grants his request.


Mr Hoppy runs down the stairs, nervous and excited to be on the brink of winning Mrs Silver's love. Mrs Silver flings open the door, embraces Mr Hoppy, and expresses her admiration for Mr Hoppy's magical spell. However, the tortoise cannot fit in the house now, so Mr Hoppy tells Mrs Silver to say the magic spell properly. On the next night he secretly replaces this tortoise with one slightly smaller one. His part works splendidly, and Mr Hoppy, suddenly emboldened by Mrs Silver's warm smile, asks Mrs Silver for her hand in marriage. Mrs Silver delightedly accepts Mr Hoppy's proposal, then adds that she thought he would never get around to asking. "All due to Alfie!" she cries.


Mr Hoppy secretly returns all the tortoises in his living room back to their respective pet shops, telling all the owners that they didn't need to pay. Mr Hoppy and Mrs Silver are happily married a few weeks later. The "original" Alfie is bought by a girl called Roberta Squibb after he is returned to a pet shop; moreover, after many years, he does indeed grow to double his size before.



My Thoughts:


You know, I ended up thinking the EXACT SAME THING as I did when I read this in '12. An overly complicated solution to something that could have been sorted out in 5minutes. That's not necessarily bad, but I was hoping for a new revelation (as it were).


Of course, being a short story of just 14 pages (with pictures mind you), it's hard to get to the bones of the story, as it doesn't have any :-D


★★★✬☆




Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Three ★★★★☆

 


This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Three
Series: Legends of the Duskwalker #1
Authors: Jay Posey
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: SF
Pages: 329
Words: 121K






Synopsis:


From the Publisher


The world has collapsed, and there are no more heroes.


But when a lone gunman reluctantly accepts the mantle of protector to a young boy and his dying mother against the forces that pursue them, a hero may yet arise.



My Thoughts:


When I read this back in '14 I wasn't even using half stars yet, officially anyway. I gave Three a “strong” 4 and waxed fulsome about it. So I went into this re-read with a bit of hesitation, as I am realizing that my first impressions that are outstandingly positive don't always hold up that well.


Thankfully, this still got a 4star rating. However, it wasn't a “strong” 4 like last time. With this re-read it was more evident to me that this was Posey's debut (I believe). Descriptions felt a little rough and simplistic, like a charcoal drawing as opposed to a number 2 pencil drawing. What really did bug me this time was just how unexplained the world was. I realize that was deliberate but I did want more and I didn't get it. So I'm going to complain.


In that regards, I had a lot more questions. The “well, what about X” kind of questions. By not knowing how things worked, or didn't, I couldn't figure stuff out on my own. My biggest question is why humanity hadn't gone after the Weir. If they are reanimated humans but something different, where do they come from, how do corpses get Weir'ized and what are their weaknesses? I could understand if the Weir were a new thing or something, but apparently they've been around for the whole of Three's life? If I were to hand you a machete and told you to cut down that 14inch oak tree, or we were going to die, you'd whack away for all you are worth. If you didn't know any better. The correct response would be to hand the machete back to me and tell me to give you the flipping full size axe I was hiding behind my back. If you know the problem, you can figure out the right answer.


I must also admit that this read has been colored by the more recent books put out by Posey. He abandoned a second series and the third one he has started did not work for me at all. I'm carrying all of that baggage this time around whereas I didn't have to on the first go-around.


Overall, I enjoyed this but it wasn't as awesome as last time. Whether that is because it really wasn't or because I've changed, etc, I can't tell. I'm going to hold off on recommending this or not until I've re-read the whole trilogy and see how the whole stands up.


★★★★☆




Saturday, May 14, 2022

The Uncollected Father Brown Stories ★★✬☆☆

 


This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: The Uncollected Father Brown Stories
Series: Father Brown #6
Author: G.K. Chesterton
Rating: 2.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Mystery
Pages: 75
Words: 20K






Synopsis:


Table of Contents


The Donnington Affair

The Mask of Midas




My Thoughts:


“....you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! 16 So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.”

~ Revelation 3:15b-16


One week after finishing this collection of 2 stories I can't remember a thing about them. The Father Brown stories had started to wear on me so I was looking forward to a much shorter experience, but I wasn't expecting something so completely bland that I forgot it right after reading it.


There was nothing bad but there was nothing good, hence the Bible verse. Thank goodness the Father Brown stories are done!


★★✬☆☆




Thursday, May 12, 2022

Slavers ★★★☆☆

 


This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Slavers
Series: Groo the Wanderer #5
Author: Sergio Aragones
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 24
Words: 2K





Synopsis:


Groo has run out of money, food and options. When he is conscripted into a navy, he beats all the soldiers to a pulp. A merchant sees his prowess and hires him. The merchant is a slaver and uses Groo to capture a lot of slaves on an island. Groo sets all the slaves free and the slave enslave the slavers. Groo doesn't want anybody to be a slave and so starts killing everyone. The original slavers slink off, only to be eaten by wild animals. Groo makes it back to ship and they sail away. The issue ends with Groo on watch in the crow's nest but asleep. The ship is headed for a sheer cliff.




My Thoughts:


I wasn't sure WHERE this was going when the slaves ended up enslaving the slavers. I should have known that Groo would end up trying to kill everyone though. That's what Groo does best after all!


★★★☆☆




Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Fatal Encounter ★★✬☆☆

 

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Fatal Encounter
Series: The Adventures of Bass Reeves Deputy US Marshal #1
Authors: Charles Ray
Rating: 2.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Western
Pages: 119
Words: 41.5K





Synopsis:



Bass Reeves, the first black US Marshal, regularly deals with outlaws in the Indian Territories of the late 1800's. After a Texas Ranger enters the Territories going after a gang and gets killed, it is up to Reeves to track down the desperado and bring him to final justice.




My Thoughts:


I wanted to like this western. However, the writing was mediocre and the story not much more than “and then he tracked the bad guy down and killed him”. Throw in the authors perpetuation of the Noble Savage myth and well, liberal ideology about race plays a big part of the story.


I won't be reading any more though because of just how mediocre and banal this was. It wasn't exciting, it wasn't tense and writing was pedestrian at best. I won't waste more time on an author who can't write better than this. Plus, Bass Reeves was a real man and he deserves something better than this to represent everything he stood for and what he did.


★★✬☆☆


Monday, May 09, 2022

Utopia ★★★✬☆

 

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Utopia
Series: One Piece #21
Arc: Baroque Works #10
Author: Eiichiro Oda
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Manga
Pages: 188
Words: 8K





Synopsis:


From Wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_One_Piece_chapters_(187_388)


"Stalemate"

"Oh Come My Way Karate"

"2"

"Climate Baton"

"She Who Controls the Weather"

"Tornado Warning"

"Utopia"

"Cutting Steel"

"Mr. Bushido"


Sanji and Mr. 2 Bon Clay exchange blows, until Bon Clay discovers the sea cook's weakness and he transforms to resemble Nami to distract him. Bon Clay dominates the fight, but Sanji is able to defeat him after exploiting Bon Clay's vulnerability when he transforms. Nami fights Miss Doublefinger, partner of Mr. 1, and a Devil Fruit user who can create spikes anywhere on her body, during which she struggles with how to use her new Climate Baton weapon. Unfortunately, most of that weapon's abilities are nothing more than magic tricks. One street further, Zoro battles Mr. 1, who possesses the ability to create blades anywhere on his body. Meanwhile, Vivi reaches Chaka, the acting captain of the royal guard, but before they can stop the fighting, Crocodile and "Ms. All-Sunday" Nico Robin arrive.





My Thoughts:


The fight between Sanji and Mr 2 had me laughing. Mr 2 can make himself look like anybody else and so he chooses Nami's face to distract Sanji. While it was funny, the actual fight itself dragged on with Sanji and Mr 2 simply kicking at each other. I'm not a huge fan of drawn out fights with limbs and body parts whizzing all over the place with devil-fruit enhanced whizziness.


However! We DO find out why Sir Crocodile has been after the kingdom all along. Drum Roll Please! PLUTON. No idea what that is beyond it is supposed to be a super weapon. And King Cobra doesn't know where it is. So Sir Crocodiles goal is to get this super weapon and forge a government that not even the world government can stop and thus become tyrant of the world. Pretty ballsy!


There's more long drawn out fights that I skimmed through and finally got to the end of the volume. Can't say I cared particularly one way or the other.



★★★✬☆



Friday, May 06, 2022

Sector Thirteen ★★★☆☆

 

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Sector Thirteen
Series: WH40K: Ciaphas Cain #0.6
Authors: Sandy Mitchell
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: SF Short Story
Pages: 20
Words: 9K





Synopsis:


Ciaphas Cain battles alongside the planet's custodians against the tyranid foe on the agri-world of Keffia.


Picking up what seems to be the relatively light duty of reprimanding a tavern/brothel where several of his men became drunk and disorderly, Cain is unpleasantly surprised to find that the place is actually the central nest for a Genestealer infestation. Awakening the mob of infected, Cain and company retreat to the local enforcers headquarters where they hole up under assault from the horde who manages to break in. Retreating upstairs and eventually to the rooftop, Jurgen spots re-inforcements in the form of Cadians arriving and driving off the Genestealer horde. Later at a ball, Cain's reputatation is enhanced further by Divas who states that if Cain had not uncovered the infestation in the brothel then every regiment would eventually be infested and the war lost.




My Thoughts:


Cain once again runs away like a coward and ends up saving millions of lives and being the living embodiment of a Hero of the Imperium. Not sure what that title actually gets him though.


This was a little short story and I must say, reading one short story really hit the spot. Pick it up, 30 minutes later I'm done and yet I've still got a complete story under my belt. There's a reason why the short story has survived the Sandersonization of the SFF world.


I'm happy with the time I spent here.


★★★☆☆




Thursday, May 05, 2022

The Mystery Cow ★★★✬☆

 


This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: The Mystery Cow
Series: Bone #9
Author: Jeff Smith
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 28
Words: 1K





Synopsis:


From Boneville.fandom.com



Everybody now seems to be betting on the Mystery Cow instead of Gran'ma Ben, but Lucius talks to Wendell, Euclid, Johnathon Oaks, and Rory. They tell him about how that they are betting on the Mystery Cow instead of Gran'ma Ben, however Lucius tells them that Phoney Bone is playing them for a bunch of saps. They then demand that Phoney shows them the cow or they'll take back their livestock and destroy his booth. When they go to see they hear a great deal of noise and racket, and are convinced they there is a monstrous cow inside. They head to the race, sure it will beat Gran'ma Ben. Meanwhile, Fone Bone meets Ted the Bug, who gives him advice on his romance with Thorn. Ted convinces Fone Bone to write love poems for Thorn. While he is making poems, the Two Rat Creatures attack him again, and he runs for his life.



My Thoughts:


Thorn gets jilted by Farmer Tom (Mr Muscles from the previous issue) as he explores the Fair with another dusky eyed woman. Thorn doesn't seem too broken up about it though, so we'll see if it has any lasting impact on the story.


Phoney. My goodness, I know I talk about him every issue but how has that guy survived this long? Of course, the group of people he's shown to be scamming are a bunch of dimwits (Smith is such an urbanite and puts his ignorance about the country on display for all to see) and I can see them falling for Phoney's line of bull. But some of these guys are BIIIIIG and I wonder that Phoney isn't worried about one of them trying to take his head off with their fists after they realize they've been scammed.


Fone starts writing poetry out in the woods and it was as cliched as you could expect. Him getting kidnapped by the Stupid, Stupid Rat Creatures amusing though. The issue ends with a picture of the area Fone had been writing in abandoned and his letter lying on the ground.


I have to admit, I'm in NO rush to get to the next issue. Part of that may be because I've read the whole series already and kind of know where things are going, but really, since I read this back in '07 I've forgotten whole swathes of the plot and reading it this way (issue by issue instead of in one giant gulp) is like reading it for the first time all over again. Knowing that it is ended also helps curb any impatience I might have otherwise felt. This is not an action oriented series (unlike the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and so the slow pace I'm reading it at fits perfectly. I am on a slow boat to Boneville and am enjoying the scenery on the shore while drifting lazily down the river.


★★★✬☆




Wednesday, May 04, 2022

Conan the Valorous ★★★☆☆

 


This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Conan the Valorous
Series: Conan the Barbarian
Authors: John Maddox Roberts
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 219
Words: 86K






Synopsis:


From Wikipedia.org


Hathor-Ka, a Stygian sorceress, tricks Conan into stealing certain relics from Ben Morgh, a sacred mountain in Cimmeria. His expedition takes him across Koth, Nemedia, and the Border Kingdoms where Conan is diverted by his rescue of a chieftainess. Meanwhile, Jaganath (a sorcerer from Vendhya) is also on a journey into the Cimmerian Wilderness. In Cimmeria, the various clans are uniting against the Vanir and their allies, a tribe of lizard folk. The two armies are traveling towards Ben Morgh and proceed with a final battle. As the conflict rages on, Conan and a wizard from Khitai wage a more crucial battle inside Crom's Cave beneath the mountain with the aid of Jaganath, Hathor-Ka, and her patron, Thoth-Amon. Ultimately, Cimmeria is delivered from outside sorcery and Conan joins a raiding party of Aesir in their journey towards Hyberborea.



My Thoughts:


Robert Howard wrote the original Conan the Barbarian stories. I reviewed a collection of them back in '18 and thoroughly enjoyed them. So much so that I have finally tracked down a collection of Conan the Barbarian stories by two other authors, notably John Maddox Roberts and Robert Jordan (of the Wheel of Time fame). Since I finished WoT last year, I wanted to give myself a break from Jordan and so chose Roberts to begin my Conan Pastiche journey with. I've got 6 Conan books by him to keep me occupied for a while.


I am not sure if these stories by Roberts are in any particular order or how they fit into the original canon by Howard. Honestly, I don't think it matters. I am treating each one as a standalone story. Howard also mainly wrote the Conan stories as short stories, so getting full length novels is going to be a different beast and we'll see how Conan the Character handles it.


This story is about Conan getting tricked by a sorceress and being involved in a once in a millennium confluence where great powers are bestowed on one sorcerer. Conan has to go back to his homeland of Cimmeria and you find out they're a bunch of goat herders who like to kill everyone else with their weapons. Conan isn't the sharpest sword in the barrel but compared to the rest of the Cimmerians he's a world traveling playboy of exquisite refinement.


There are monsters galore and the god of the Cimmerians plays a tiny part as does an Eldrich Horror. Roberts delves into the Cosmic Horror side of things with tentacled god monsters in the spaces between the planets but it is more of just a nod to the idea than any real work on the idea.


This was a decent sword & sorcery adventure tale but it didn't hold a candle to Howard's original stuff.


★★★☆☆




Tuesday, May 03, 2022

Henry VI, Part 2 ★★☆☆☆

 


This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Henry VI, Part 2
Author: William Shakespeare
Rating: 2 of 5 Stars
Genre: Play
Pages: 276
Words: 80K






Synopsis:


From Wikipedia


The play begins with the marriage of King Henry VI of England to the young Margaret of Anjou. Margaret is the protégée and lover of William de la Pole, 4th Earl of Suffolk, who aims to influence the king through her. The major obstacle to Suffolk and Margaret's plan is the Lord Protector; Humphrey, Duke of Gloucester, who is extremely popular with the common people and deeply trusted by the King. Gloucester's wife, however, has designs on the throne, and has been led by an agent of Suffolk to dabble in necromancy. She summons a spirit and demands it reveal the future to her, but its prophecies are vague and before the ritual is finished, she is interrupted and arrested. At court she is then banished, greatly to the embarrassment of Gloucester. Suffolk then conspires with Cardinal Beaufort and the Duke of Somerset to bring about Gloucester's ruin. Suffolk accuses Gloucester of treason and has him imprisoned, but before Gloucester can be tried, Suffolk sends two assassins to kill him. Meanwhile, Richard, 3rd Duke of York, reveals his claim to the throne to the Earls of Salisbury and Warwick, who pledge to support him.



Suffolk is banished for his role in Gloucester's death, whilst Winchester (Cardinal Beaufort) contracts a fever and dies, cursing God. Margaret, horrified at Suffolk's banishment, vows to ensure his return, but he is killed by pirates shortly after leaving England, and his head sent back to the distraught Margaret. Meanwhile, York has been appointed commander of an army to suppress a revolt in Ireland. Before leaving, he enlists a former officer of his, Jack Cade, to stage a popular revolt in order to ascertain whether the common people would support York should he make an open move for power. At first, the rebellion is successful, and Cade sets himself up as Mayor of London, but his rebellion is put down when Lord Clifford (a supporter of Henry) persuades the common people, who make up Cade's army, to abandon the cause. Cade is killed several days later by Alexander Iden, a Kentish gentleman, into whose garden he climbs looking for food.


York returns to England with his army, claiming that he intends to protect the King from the duplicitous Somerset. York vows to disband his forces if Somerset is arrested and charged with treason. Buckingham swears that Somerset is already a prisoner in the tower, but when Somerset enters ("at liberty"), accompanied by the Queen, York holds Buckingham's vow broken, and announces his claim to the throne, supported by his sons, Edward and Richard. The English nobility take sides, some supporting the House of York, others supporting Henry and the House of Lancaster. A battle is fought at St Albans in which the Duke of Somerset is killed by York's son Richard, and Lord Clifford by York. With the battle lost, Margaret persuades the distraught King to flee the battlefield and head to London. She is joined by Young Clifford, who vows revenge on the Yorkists for the death of his father. The play ends with York, Edward, Richard, Warwick and Salisbury setting out in pursuit of Henry, Margaret and Clifford.



My Thoughts:


This is exactly why I don't read history for fun. People being incredible jackasses while claiming the moral high ground in any area they can.


As one anonymous blogger would say “Why did Shakespeare even get out of bed in the morning to write this stuff”? I have no idea. If my ego wasn't so big that I wanted to be able to say that I'd read all of Shakespeare's works, I'd stop reading him right now.


But my ego IS that big and I didn't actively hate this, so the journey of 10,000 papercuts continues!


★★☆☆☆