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Title:
When I am Afraid Series: Non-Fiction Author:
Edward Welch Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars Genre:
Christian Counseling Pages: 58 Words:
19K Publish: 2008
I
heard about this book from Michael W on a post he did about Mental
Health and Christianity. In the comments he recommended this
little book. So I added it to my tbr and while it took a bit longer
to get around to than I was expecting, I still got to it before 2027,
which is a win for ANY recently added book to my tbr :-)
I
didn’t realize when I started this, but it is stated right on the
first page, that this is a companion volume to Welch’s book Running
Scared, a full book about
anxiety, worry and fear. The proper thing for me to have done would
be to have put this little companion booklet down, read the first
book and then come back to this one. Well, nobody tells ME what order
to read books, so I ignored that and plunged right into this.
First,
this really is a companion booklet, with tons of questions for the
reader to ponder. I should have read Running Scared first
after all. However, what this booklet did for me showed me that I
don’t suffer from anxiety, worry or fear. Now, everybody has to
deal with those, but it isn’t debilitating like I know it is for
others. My goal in reading this, and the next book, was to help me
better understand people who DO suffer from anxiety and what they
experience. This was not the booklet for that. This was directly
addressing those who do suffer and what they can do and how they can
change their thinking.
Second,
this is explicitly Christian. It will be of no help at all to anyone
who doesn’t believe in God and Jesus. The whole thrust of Welch’s
thinking is that God is there to take care of us (as He sees fit, not
becoming a vending machine god in the process). If you don’t
believe in God, well, good luck believing He will take care of you.
I
do have a feeling that Running Scared is
going to be a book that is talking to the Anxious and not going to be
about the symptoms of Anxiety or what to do to help support those who
do. That’s not a bad thing at all, just means I’ll be adjusting
my expectations going into it.
This
review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained
therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to
copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions.
Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted
Permission
Title:
Sacred Marriage Series: ----- Author:
Gary Thomas Rating: 3 of 5 Stars Genre:
Non-Fiction Pages: 324 Words:
83K Publish: 2000
I
am always on the lookout for Christian books that will help me in my
relationship to God, in my relationship to Mrs B and in my
relationship to everybody else. I am also always on the lookout for
non-fiction books that I can squeeze into my reading rotation because
I have such a hard time with non-fiction. One of the elders at the
Sunday church was talking about this book to me and was saying how it
really helped him change his perspective on his marriage and on how
God viewed his wife. It sounded very promising, so I hunted it down
and added it to my Calibre library. However, instead of just making
it be the odd duck out with the non-fiction tag, I decided that since
I wanted to read more non-fiction this year, I would actually read
more non-fiction this year. Not necessarily all deep works of
Theology or philosophy or Christian self-help, but just several books
that the ideas appealed to me. I spent several months coming up with
five other non-fiction books alongside this one. They range from the
celebrity bio to memoirs about a movie being made to shifts in
societal expectations of law and order. I have gathered them together
and put them into a Non-fiction folder on my Pocketbook and will now
be treating “Non-fiction” like any other series or author and
cycle through it each reading rotation. That is how I will read more
non-fiction each year. It’s going to be work to choose new ones but
just choosing one at a time over the months is something I CAN do.
With that out of the way, on to the review itself.
Yeah,
I wasn’t really impressed with this. I don’t know anything about
the author, but from everything he let slip, he’s either Roman
Catholic or some sort of Anglican (the protestant version of RC’s
just without the pope pretty much). His big beef was that through the
years and decades and centuries, Singlehood has always been viewed as
“more holy” than being married and he wanted to counter-act that.
Only the Roman Papists with their unbiblical call to being monks and
nuns take that view, as far as I know, so when I realized just what
the author was trying to accomplish, I felt like saying something
along the lines of “Brother, join the revolution! Luther had it
right.”
And
that is not to say that the author didn’t have anything good to
say. He did. He made some wonderful points about how being in a
marriage gives you chances to see yourself like God sees you, ie,
just how fallen you are and it gives you chances to express Christ’s
love more, ie, sacrificing your comfort to help your spouse. But he
was very big picture and big idea and I wanted some concrete ideas
that I could put into practice or at least try out, like in the book
Hedges
that I’ve read previously.
This
was not a waste of time at all, but this book did not help me like it
helped the Elder who had recommended it. That’s a big thing I am
finding with books like these. They do not and cannot help everyone
who reads them. So I keep on reading to find the books that ARE going
to help me more.
Finally,
this book was written explicitly to Christian men and women. If you
haven’t given your life to Jesus, this book will sound like the
worst kind of foolishness and will go counter to everything you hear
about taking care of yourself first. But if you are a Christian,
Thomas does an excellent job of showing just how marriage can bring
you closer to God and how it can make you more like God, even if only
in the abstract.
This
review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained
therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to
copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions.
Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted
Permission
Title:
What Is A Healthy Church? Series:
----- Author: Mark Dever Rating: 4 of
5 Stars Genre: Non-fiction Pages:
128 Words: 25K Publish: 2007
The
Sunday church read this together in the various small groups they
have a while back. Due to the groups meeting in the evenings, I just
didn’t have the ooomph to go, as I would end up falling asleep part
way through. That happened enough times in the previous year or so
that I gave up going. So I didn’t read this book with the group. I
think it would have been a fantastic book to read within a group
though.
First
thing to know is that Dever is approaching this from a VERY
Evangelical viewpoint. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it
is the lense through which he is viewing Scripture and how he
interprets what it means. I don’t think I actually disagreed with a
single point he made however.
This
was written for Christians. Not necessarily for old or new Believers,
but for anyone who calls themselves a Christian and wants to attend a
church.
I
thought the content was great. Like I said, I didn’t disagree with
anything. But the reason this isn’t getting 5stars is because of
how he laid things out. He would include snippets of Bible verses in
italics and then include the actual reference, but in bold, to
support the points he was making. It was incredibly hard to read
through as I kept getting jogged out my reading flow by the setup. I
guess it would be like I think, “therefore I am. But only on
Tuesdays” (Bookstooge
1:47). So
imagine each chapter being filled up like that. It was a big issue
for me and I really noticed it. I feel kind of bad about dinging a
whole star for it, but I was having to skip, hop and jump through the
book instead of walking or even running smoothly. Maybe if you were
taking one section at a time, like in a small group it wouldn’t be
such an issue.
But
to end, I am very glad I read this and would mightily recommend it
★★★★☆
From
the Publisher & Table of Contents
What
is an ideal church, and how can you tell?
How
does it look different from other churches? More importantly, how
does it act differently, especially in society? Many of us aren't
sure how to answer those questions, even though we probably have some
preconceived idea. But with this book, you don't have to wonder any
more.
Author
Mark Dever seeks to help believers recognize the key characteristics
of a healthy church: expositional preaching, biblical theology, and a
right understanding of the gospel. Dever then calls us to develop
those characteristics in our own churches. By following the example
of New Testament authors and addressing church members from pastors
to pew sitters, Dever challenges all believers to do their part in
maintaining the local church. What Is a Healthy Church? offers
timeless truths and practical principles to help each of us fulfill
our God-given roles in the body of Christ.
Toc: Series
Preface
Preface: A Parable Introduction:
What Are You Looking for in a Church?
Part
1: What Is a Healthy Church?
Chapter
1: Your Christianity and Your Church
Chapter 2: What a
Church Is . . . and Isn’t
Chapter 3: What Every Church
Should Aspire to Be: Healthy
Chapter 4: The Ultimate
How-to Guide: How to Display God’s Character
Quick Tips:
If You're Thinking about Leaving a Church . . .
Part
2: Essential Marks of a Healthy Church
Chapter
5: Expositional Preaching
Chapter 6: Gospel
Doctrine
Quick Tips: How to Find a Good Church
Part
3: Important Marks of a Healthy Church
Chapter
7: A Biblical Understanding of Conversion and Evangelism
Chapter
8: A Biblical Understanding of Membership
Chapter
9: Biblical Church Discipline
Chapter 10: Biblical
Discipleship and Growth
Chapter 11: Biblical Church
Leadership
Chapter 12: A Biblical Understanding and
Practice of Prayer
Chapter 13: A Biblical Understanding and
Practice of Missions
Conclusion: Where the Rubber Meets the
Road
Appendix:
A Typical Covenant of a Healthy Church Special
Thanks
General Index
Scripture Index
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: If Only He Knew Series: —– Author: Gary Smalley Rating: 4 of 5 Stars Genre: Non-Fiction Pages: 192 Words: 53K
I read books like this, like Hedges, like Making Love Last Forever, not because I have ever felt that Mrs B and I have been on the rocks relationally, but because I want to do everything in my power to prevent us from ever getting onto the rocks in the first place. Preventative steps are always easier to take than the steps needed when divorce is a real possibility.
I feel like I could take the following quote and have it sum up the book, for me:
“If a couple has been married for more than five years, all of the husband’s emotional unhappiness is 100 percent his fault. In other words, your feelings of unhappiness in your marriage are directly traceable to the beliefs you have placed within your own heart.” ~Chapter 5, Climbing out of Marriage’s Deepest Pit
That’s a tough statement right there. But you know what? Men NEED those tough statements. At the same time, Smalley is writing exclusively to men. This is not a book for a woman to buy her husband and casually leave it on the coffee table in hopes he’ll read it and become the man she wants him to be. Smalley has a book for women called For Better or For Best. I have no plans to ever read that book, it’s not for me. This book however, is for men who want to enrich their relationship with their wives, fix their relationships with their wives or recover their relationship with their ex-wives. The thing is, the man has to want to, or nothing in this book is going to help.
Smalley also makes it a huge part of everything that the only person you can change in your marriage is you. Do not spend the time, effort and energy to change your wife. Change yourself into the man God wants you to be and the man your wife needs. This is very much about sacrificial love on the husband’s part. I wish I could emphasize that to the heavens itself. A husband is called to sacrifice himself for his wife, just like Jesus sacrificed Himself for the Church (Christians). There is no getting around that.
If you are a list kind of guy, there are lots and lots of checklists. One chapter had over 100 things to ask/question/check. It was daunting and I must admit, I skipped it. There were smaller ones though that I assiduously read.
Reading this made more thankful than ever that I am married to Mrs B. She is a dedicated Christian, has set herself to follow Christ and because of her willingness to be more Christlike and less self oriented, has made our relationship so much better. I am reaping the rewards of her faithfulness. Some of those checklists I was like “Phhhht, Mrs B doesn’t do ANY of these issues” and I was immensely grateful. I hope I can be the husband she needs, as she is very much the wife I need. At the same time, even with 16 years of marriage under our belts, we still have a lot of learning to do. It brings to mind an instance that occurred just a couple of months ago. I am a very “Words” oriented person. I use words to show people that I love them, that I care about them, that they matter to me (which is why a “silent treatment” is the worst thing I can ever imagine doing to someone). Mrs B on the other hand is very much a touch oriented person. She likes giving hugs, shaking hands, etc. That is completely foreign to me. Well, one day I came home from work and I could tell Mrs B had had a very bad day at work. So I can began asking her how her day went, how she was feeling, if there was anything I could do for her. She finally exploded (her version of it anyway) with “Words, word, words! Just give me a hug!” Ever since then, I make sure to give her a hug when I come home BEFORE asking her all my “words” questions. Loving my wife also means knowing just what love is to my wife. I also make sure she knows I am not just going through the motions with that hug. When I hug her, she knows it! 😀
Smalley ends the book on a warning note however. Never become complacent, never coast. A marriage is not a static relationship. It is a changing thing where you are either growing closer or further apart from each other. Smalley encourages men to make sure they are doing their best to grow closer to their wives. I thought it was a great way to end the book.
★★★★☆
Table of Contents – click to open
1. How to Drive Your Wife Away Without Even Trying 9
2. Where Have All the Feelings Gone? 25
3. If Your Wife Doesn’t Win First Place, You Lose! 39
4. Your Wife Needs Your Shoulder, Not Your Mouth 53
5. Climbing Out of Marriage’s Deepest Pit 67
6. What No Woman Can Resist 97
7. What Women Admire Most About Men 107
8. If Your Wife’s Not Protected, You Get Neglected 117
9. Arguments … There’s a Better Way 129
10. A Successful Marriage … It’s Easier Than You Think 143
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Making Love Last Forever Series: Author: Gary Smalley Rating: 4 of 5 Stars Genre: Non-Fiction Pages: 304 Words: 99K
First, lets get the elephant in the room out of the room. That cover is pure 90’s Self-Help and it doesn’t do the book any favors whatsoever. I know that Smalley is not a vain man (more than any other man I mean) but this makes him look like some greased up shyster on a used car lot. It is too bad because this is a very helpful book on a lot of levels. I also have thought ALL these years that Smalley was the author of one of the books that changed my life, The Five Love Languages, so I gave him a lot of leeway. Upon finishing this book I realized that a “Gary Chapman” had written that book and that Smalley had nothing to do with it. Oh, what a let down that was.
Smalley is a professional counselor and does/did counseling in an office, in seminars, through video series and in books. He set out to reach as many people as he could and I think he succeeded in his mission.
Smalley is a Christian but his principles are general-use and while geared towards those who believe in Jesus, are still effective and ecumenical enough for anyone. He also only brings God into things as a “and if you want it to work even better, try….”. I never felt that he was a pushy Evangelical writing a theological treatise under the guise of a self-help book. Smalley genuinely cares for people and couples and wants what is best for them.
The book is filled with anecdotes from his own life, from people he has counseled and from other situations he has been in. While he might seem to go on tangents at time, he is always very good about bringing things right back to the theme of that particular chapter. He also has very good generalized advice and everything is aimed at the reader of the book. It’s not about trying to change your spouse, or make “them” better. Smalley says Love starts with us and it is our responsibility to carry out the duties of Love even if things are bad. This delves a lot into attitudes and stuff going on inside of a person. Which I must admit sometimes annoyed me because I wanted a Concrete List of things To Do. And what do you know, at the end of each chapter he has a list of things that Forever Love does, or does not do, that tie into the theme of that chapter. By the end of the book there were close to 150 bullet points in the list. That is exactly what I wanted.
I liked the fact that was so focused on the reader. In my marriage, the only thing I can truly change is myself. I can try to control Mrs B, or our circumstances or events, but that will destroy things quicker than anything. Plus, it’s exhausting trying to live two people’s lives. Smalley brings out that it simply isn’t viable, besides the fact that it goes against everything that Love actually is. So what can I do in my marriage to make things better? Focus on those things and don’t worry about what you can’t. I’m sure other people reading the book will get different things, but that is what stood out to me.
I’ve written about Love (Smalley uses the term Forever Love) here but wanted to define just what that is. Otherwise it becomes a nebulous “whatever” that can be manipulated. The following comes from the first book of Corinthians, chapter 13:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends.
★★★★☆
From the Publisher
Click to Open
For years Gary Smalley has helped millions of couples throughout North America enrich their relationships and deepen their bonds of love and companionship. In this extraordinary book, he shows you how to stay in love through all the stages of life. From first attraction to lifelong commitment, Gary’s proven techniques and practical advice show you how to pursue and keep the love you want, and how to energize your relationship with enduring, passion-filled love.
In this book you’ll learn how to:
Understand and use love’s best-kept secret
Deal with the number one enemy of love
Turn headaches into more love
Increase your energy to keep loving
Find the power to keep on loving your spouse
Use normal conflicts as doorways to intimacy
Read a woman’s built-in marriage manual twelve ways
Divorce-proof your marriage
Develop the five vital signs of a healthy marriage
Respond to your partner’s number one request
Find the powerful secret to great love
Bring out the best in your maddening mate
With humor, empathy, and insight, Gary Smalley inspires you to fall in love with life and enjoy the deep satisfaction of a lifelong love. Down-to-earth examples, touching personal experiences, and inspiring spiritual principles will motivate you to bring about positive changes in your marriage-whether or not your mate is a willing participant. You’ll learn how to tap resources at hand to help you follow through with your journey-and make your love last forever.
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Hedges Series: ———- Author: Jerry Jenkins Rating: 4 of 5 Stars Genre: Christian Self-help Pages: 173 Words: 50K
Part One was warning stories and showing how even good Christians can be taken unaware. It was nothing new to me but was a very good reminder of how little things can be turned into big things, so stop them when they are still little.
Jenkins also talks about what the Bible says about protecting your marriage. It came across like he was writing to people who had never read the Bible. Which I guess, sadly, is the case in too many Christian’s lives. I found myself repeating “Well duh, of course the Bible says that.”
Finally, in part one, he talks about how people willfully blind themselves to their actions and the consequences of those actions. He points out how much damage is done by people just doing what they want instead of what they know they should.
Part Two is where he discusses some of the hedges he has planted over the years in his life (he was about 40 when he originally wrote this). He outlines why he did each one and references earlier warning stories to show where the lack of a hedge leads to.
I found almost everything he wrote about were things I was already doing. Whether from my upbringing and training in the KCM church or my own innate inability to be around people long term, I was doing and had been doing, since my early 20’s. Most of it seemed like common sense to be honest, but once again Jenkins seems to be writing to people who have never thought about the subject. I guess I was hoping for something new and startling. That’s the problem with a lot of these Christian books, they are talking to the lowest common denominator and I wanted more. Of course, living the way I have, and do, has saved me from so much trouble and problems. I need to be thankful for that blessing.
It was a good refresher course though, to be reminded to keep on cultivating those hedges and to not let them wither and die away. Jenkins also talked about some of the positive, proactive hedges he has put in place, like remembering the good times and spending enough time together. Some hedges are passive while others require an active participation on our part. I was glad to read those bits.
The Final Part was dealing with with families with kids and some of the things a father can and should do regarding their kids to prepare them for their own marriages.
This was a very personal and personable book. Jenkins unapologetically makes his statements to men. This is a book by a man, about men, for men. It took me back at first, as we’re so used to things being for everyone nowadays, but it was refreshing. Men need to be active in their relationships and they need advice tailored to them. It is why mentoring is so important.
Overall, this was a good book but it did not have as much “new to me” info as I was hoping. A solid 4star book and one I would highly recommend to any man, the younger the better. It also adds a notch to my Non-fiction belt. I’m pretty proud of that fact. ~does the Rocky victory lap~
