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Title:
Making Love Last Forever
Series:
Author:
Gary Smalley
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre:
Non-Fiction
Pages: 304
Words:
99K
First, lets get the elephant in the room out of the room. That cover is pure 90’s Self-Help and it doesn’t do the book any favors whatsoever. I know that Smalley is not a vain man (more than any other man I mean) but this makes him look like some greased up shyster on a used car lot. It is too bad because this is a very helpful book on a lot of levels. I also have thought ALL these years that Smalley was the author of one of the books that changed my life, The Five Love Languages, so I gave him a lot of leeway. Upon finishing this book I realized that a “Gary Chapman” had written that book and that Smalley had nothing to do with it. Oh, what a let down that was.
Smalley is a professional counselor and does/did counseling in an office, in seminars, through video series and in books. He set out to reach as many people as he could and I think he succeeded in his mission.
Smalley is a Christian but his principles are general-use and while geared towards those who believe in Jesus, are still effective and ecumenical enough for anyone. He also only brings God into things as a “and if you want it to work even better, try….”. I never felt that he was a pushy Evangelical writing a theological treatise under the guise of a self-help book. Smalley genuinely cares for people and couples and wants what is best for them.
The book is filled with anecdotes from his own life, from people he has counseled and from other situations he has been in. While he might seem to go on tangents at time, he is always very good about bringing things right back to the theme of that particular chapter. He also has very good generalized advice and everything is aimed at the reader of the book. It’s not about trying to change your spouse, or make “them” better. Smalley says Love starts with us and it is our responsibility to carry out the duties of Love even if things are bad. This delves a lot into attitudes and stuff going on inside of a person. Which I must admit sometimes annoyed me because I wanted a Concrete List of things To Do. And what do you know, at the end of each chapter he has a list of things that Forever Love does, or does not do, that tie into the theme of that chapter. By the end of the book there were close to 150 bullet points in the list. That is exactly what I wanted.
I liked the fact that was so focused on the reader. In my marriage, the only thing I can truly change is myself. I can try to control Mrs B, or our circumstances or events, but that will destroy things quicker than anything. Plus, it’s exhausting trying to live two people’s lives. Smalley brings out that it simply isn’t viable, besides the fact that it goes against everything that Love actually is. So what can I do in my marriage to make things better? Focus on those things and don’t worry about what you can’t. I’m sure other people reading the book will get different things, but that is what stood out to me.
I’ve written about Love (Smalley uses the term Forever Love) here but wanted to define just what that is. Otherwise it becomes a nebulous “whatever” that can be manipulated. The following comes from the first book of Corinthians, chapter 13:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
★★★★☆
From the Publisher
For years Gary Smalley has helped millions of couples throughout North America enrich their relationships and deepen their bonds of love and companionship. In this extraordinary book, he shows you how to stay in love through all the stages of life. From first attraction to lifelong commitment, Gary's proven techniques and practical advice show you how to pursue and keep the love you want, and how to energize your relationship with enduring, passion-filled love.
In this book you'll learn how to:
Understand and use love's best-kept secret
Deal with the number one enemy of love
Turn headaches into more love
Increase your energy to keep loving
Find the power to keep on loving your spouse
Use normal conflicts as doorways to intimacy
Read a woman's built-in marriage manual twelve ways
Divorce-proof your marriage
Develop the five vital signs of a healthy marriage
Respond to your partner's number one request
Find the powerful secret to great love
Bring out the best in your maddening mate
With humor, empathy, and insight, Gary Smalley inspires you to fall in love with life and enjoy the deep satisfaction of a lifelong love. Down-to-earth examples, touching personal experiences, and inspiring spiritual principles will motivate you to bring about positive changes in your marriage-whether or not your mate is a willing participant. You'll learn how to tap resources at hand to help you follow through with your journey-and make your love last forever.
