Mahamoti Djinn - MTG 4E

 

Disney's Genie could totally take this guy! Just saying....

Magnetic Mountain - MTG 4E

 

I get the Bluehate from a red card, but magnetic mountain, affecting creatures? I'd expect this to affect artifacts, not creatures. Red is famous for destroying or negating artifacts. Well, if all Magic cards made sense, we probably wouldn't have the game at all. Go figure!
:-D

Magical Hack - MTG 4E

 

This guy's work would go a lot faster if he used a computer. What a schlub! Of course, maybe I could hire this guy to destroy AI data centers across the world. About time Magic does something useful.

Lure - MTG 4E

 

This looks like the kind of apple that the evil stepmother fed to Snow White. Doesn't say very much for Snow White's observational skills though does it? Tsk, tsk, tsk...

Lost Soul - MTG 4E

 

Now that is just creepy! Like something you'd see in The Sixth Sense: The Medieval'ing.

Bang! I think I just invented a new movie style, ie, The Pointless Sequel. Oh wait, Hollywood already has their ugly mitts all over that :-(

Lord of the Pit - MTG 4E

 

I've talked about why I didn't play the color black in the day, but once again, cards like this are Candidate 1 of why. Playing demons, that looked like demons and using Biblical language, that's a big no-no. It wasn't long after this time that Wizards of the Coast (the company that makes Magic) began moving away from the almost straight up Dungeons and Dragons versions of various creatures. But by that time, parents across the nation associated Magic the Gathering with satan worshipping, baby eating Dungeons and Dragons players. It was too late.

Lord of Atlantis - MTG 4E

 

I distinctly remember this card because I bought four of them to build my first real themed deck, one built around merfolk. It cost $2 a card and I was making minimum wage of $4.25 helping my neighbor who was a painter. Once I took taxes and tithes out, it cost me an entire half day to buy the four cards. Four Cards, that I could only use in ONE deck. It was a big commitment but at the time, it felt worth it. I made that merfold deck and then was promptly beaten every time I used it. I didn't win a single game against my friend, hahaahahaa. He was a better player than me and he was a better deck builder than me.

I had a lot of fun playing that deck however. Not "quite" enough to overcome losing every time, but I didn't hate playing it. I guess I couldn't have asked for much more as a teen.

Llanowar Elves - MTG 4E

 

Not your friendly neighborhood elves, that's for sure.

When elves go bad, they don't start out looking like this guy. It's a slow process, that starts with them going Steampunk, then full on punk. It takes a couple of generations to go from Steampunk Elf to Llanowar Elf. Let that be a lesson to us all.
*bows head in show of piety while wagging a finger at you all

Living Lands - MTG 4E

 

This is the same exact kind of card as Kormus Bell, except it is a green spell instead of an artifact and it affects forests instead of swamps. The fact that it is a green spell affecting forests leads me to believe it was meant to turn your own forests into creatures at the end of the game and overwhelm your opponent in one last wild, mad rush.

It would have made a great cover for Kenneth McKenney's "The Plants" too. I read that at about the same time I was getting into Magic. It was an obvious ripoff of du Maurier's The Birds, but I hadn't read that yet, so it was all good to my teenage self. I've never been tempted to re-read The Plants though ;-)

Living Artifact - MTG 4E

 

Another disgusting organic looking "thing". I never understood why artists would do that. Eh, whatever.

Life gain is definitely a "green" thing, but it is like a slow drip coffee maker. You only get 1 extra life each turn, which is fine if your opponent is playing a slow deck, but if they are playing a more aggressive deck, you'd want some other cards in your deck to deal with that instead of this. Once again, it would take a very creative mind to find a good use for this card. I probably wouldn't play it anyway, just because it looks gross :-)

Lightning Bolt - MTG 4E

 

While Sol Ring might be the face card of Magic the Gathering to me, to the community at large, Lightning Bolt IS the card that embodies every aspect of Magic the Gathering in one distinct picture. Part of that is the card itself. Doing three damage for one red pip is about the best you can hope for. But the image as well just sits in your mind. Everyone has seen lightning at one point or another in their lifetime and they can relate to this image in some way. Some of us love lightning, some of us hate lightning, but none of us simply shrug lightning aside. That is why I think this became the face card of Magic for the general community.

If you disagree with me, well, I play Lightning Bolt and kill your argument, which is only a 2/2 creature, ha! ;-)

Lifetap - MTG 4E

 

Oh noez! An evil vampire leprechaun is hurting da treez! Won't somebody doooooo something?

*announcer voice*

As Adventurer [insert your name], it will be your job to stop Lucky, the Evil Wizard Leprechaun, from stealing all the Lucky Charms from the Tree People. And remember kids, knowing is 713/1425th's of the battle!

This Magic Card brought to you by Hasbro, the money whore of the world.

Lifelace - MTG 4E

 

This is the Green lace card. Black had "Deathlace" and Red had "Chaoslace". While I like the idea of the "Lace" cards, as a beginning player I never found a good use for them. Even now, I suspect I wouldn't be able to find a good use for them. Cards like these are the chaff of the set and you would have to try really hard to make something good work out of them. But for some people, that is half the fun, ie, trying to make "jank" (the magic term for garbage cards, I have no idea where it came from) cards work. I am not one of those people though. So I will just look at the card and admire the art and call it a day. 

Lifeforce - MTG 4E

 

Why anybody would choose this name (Lifeforce) for a card is beyond me. I am certain somebody knew that horrible movie (Brian's Review), which was based on an even worse book (Bookstooge Survived "Space Vampires", but barely). But they sure would have had to have a sick mind to think it would be funny to put that name on a Magic card. Shame on them!

Library of Leng - MTG 4E

 

Daniel Gelon, the artist, certainly "gets" the fantasy library vibe. This is exactly how I imagine a mystical library looking. And the old galoot looks like the kind of guy who I imagine inhabits such a library :-)

And AI generated art could learn a lot just by looking at the guy's hand. It has 5, count'em, 5 fingers! It's really not that hard AI, you stupid dunce. 

Ley Druid - MTG 4E

 

This card worked very well in conjunction with utility lands (a land that had an extra ability that you had to tap to use) because it allowed you to use that utility twice. Sadly, there were no utility lands in 4th Edition and it required having cards from other sets to make full use of. Since I talked about my budgetary constrains with Land Tax, I don't think I need to rehash that all over again. But the artwork really conveys a druid so at one with the land and nature that he can affect it. I like this. Except the fingernails. Dude should chew them off if nothing else!

Leviathan - MTG 4E

 

The first rule of Magic Club is that you don't question if the picture makes sense, you just decide if it looks cool. This picture is quite definitely cool! Even if a wizard's tower is somehow surviving with the lights on, underwater!

In the early days of Magic, big powerful cards had serious drawbacks to keep you from abusing them. You want a big ol' 10/10 creature that can crush everything in its path? Fine, but you're going to pay for it, big time! Given that you have to sacrifice so many Islands, this is the kind of card you'd play right near the end of the game to finish things off and leave your opponent stunned. Good times :-D

Land Tax - MTG 4E

 

Man, is that guy ugly or what!? Yeah, he's just plug ugly and no question about it. That's one strike against it and one reason why I never used it. Of course, the REAL reason I never played this back in the day was it's price, around $15. Minimum wage at the time was $4.25. I worked summers painting but had to pay for my diabetic supplies for the year, so whatever was left after saving up for that was spent on things like entertainment. Given that you needed at least 3 of these in a deck, that's almost $50 just for this card alone. I was strictly in the twobuck chuck wagon when it came to Magic cards. I played for fun and my cards were what I could afford easily. This card did not fit into that category :-D

Land Leeches - MTG 4E

 

This card is just gross. A leech that big just makes me wriggle in disgust :-( I know I owned a copy or two back in the day, but I don't know that I ever used it because for 3 mana there were so many other cards I'd rather include. And since I never made a theme deck based around the First Strike Mechanic, this card never made it off the ground. But that art, how disgusting. Fantastic, right? :-D

Kormus Bell - MTG 4E

 

Another card like Karma, where players who use black get punished. As they should!

A red player could play this card, turn all the swamps of his opponent into 1/1 creatures, then he could play something like Fireball (if he has enough mana) and wipe out all his opponents lands. If he's running short on mana, and is willing to take some damage, he can also use something like Earthquake, which is much more efficient. Without land, your opponent can do nothing, nothing but suffer an ignominious defeat that is! Bwhahahahahaa!