Bookstooge's Reviews On the Road: Humor

Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 26, 2025

Moving Pictures (Discworld #10) 3.5Stars

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Title: Moving Pictures
Series: Discworld #10
Author: Terry Pratchett
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 267
Words: 97K

When I read this back in ‘07, I really didn’t like it. I gave it 3stars back then, but it was one of my least favorite Discworld reads to date.

This time around, I thoroughly enjoyed this, mainly because Pratchett just skewers Hollywood and movies and it totally aligns with my absolute disgust with movies and the people who make movies and tv their hobby. Brainless, gormless, garbage. While Pratchett and I didn’t see eye to eye on many, many things, I am man enough to admit that he got at least one thing right. Hollywood is evil and does so much damage that it is incalculable.

With that, I just HAD to bump this up a coveted half star. I know Pratchett is wriggling in his grave with pleasure. He should be.

★★★✬☆☆

From Wikipedia.org

The novel begins with the death of Deccan Ribobe, the last member of an ancient order tasked with 'remembering' Holy Wood through ceremonial chanting, and the escape of an influence from Holy Wood Hill. Several months later, the alchemists of the Discworld have invented moving pictures. Many hopefuls are drawn by the siren call of Holy Wood, home of the fledgling "clicks" industry – among them Victor Tugelbend, a dropout from Ankh-Morpork's Unseen University and Theda "Ginger" Withel, a girl "from a little town you never ever heard of", and the Discworld's most infamous salesman, Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, who introduces commerce to the equation and becomes a successful producer. The business of making movies grows rapidly, and eventually Victor and Ginger become real stars, thanks to the help of Gaspode the sentient dog (who also develops a manager-client relationship with Laddie, who everybody considers to be the real Wonder Dog, although in fact is very simple-minded). Holy Wood for a while becomes an effervescent place full of humans, dwarfs, alchemists, demons (which essentially constitute the main technological device to make movies), and trolls (among whom is Detritus) all living in harmony.

Meanwhile, it gradually becomes clear that the production of movies is having a deleterious effect on the structure of reality. After Victor discovers the body of Deccan and the ancient order's record, Ginger is possessed by an unspecified entity and she and Victor find an ancient, hidden cinema, complete with a portal to the Dungeon Dimensions. Back in Ankh-Morpork, during the first screening of Blown Away (a parody of Gone with the Wind) which the senior wizards of the Unseen University are also attending, a creature from the Dungeon Dimensions breaks through. Victor fights it (in what eventually becomes a parody of the movie King Kong also featuring the Librarian of the Unseen University), having discovered that he could exploit Holy Wood magic and the narrative conventions of the clicks if he had a camera pointing at him. However, after the creature is defeated, Victor and the Librarian realise that the creatures will still try to get through from the Dungeon Dimensions and that Ginger in her possessed state was not trying to summon them but trying to keep them from coming through (possibly as a result of being descended from the High Priestess of Holy Wood). Returning to the ancient cinema at Holy Wood, Victor and Ginger witness a golden statue of a warrior (reminiscent of an Oscar) come to life and travel through the screen to defeat the creatures.

In the end most things return to normal (also because the Patrician and the wizards make it clear that they will not allow any more movies to be produced ever again), although dwarfs find themselves inexplicably singing "Hihohiho" while mining. Victor and Ginger have a last dialogue over the meaning of Holy Wood and being famous, and Gaspode and the other animals under the influence of Holy Wood lose their ability to reason and speak. The ending lines depict a poetic scene about the fragility of Holy Wood dreams.

Tuesday, March 04, 2025

Service with a Smile (Blandings Castle #8A) 4Stars

Title: Service with a Smile
Series: Blandings Castle #8A
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Humor
Pages: 173
Words: 57K

I believe this was actually supposed to be #8 in the Blandings Castle series, but Wikipedia let me down and claimed this was an “Uncle Fred” story, even though it features everyone from Blandings AND takes place at Blandings Castle. One more proof that Wikipedia is a hotbed of liberals and communists with a political agenda!

It has been over a year and a half since I read a PG Wodehouse story and I found that that break did wonders. I thoroughly enjoyed this completely recycled novel. There was not ONE original part of a story in this. Connie yells at her brother the Duke. Young Love is thwarted and reunited. Pigs are kidnapped, or not. Money changes hands at the speed of blackmail. Plus some of the usual smaller things. And I still had a blast.

That is all I ask of a Wodehouse novel. And that’s all you are getting for a review.

★★★★☆

From Wikipedia

Myra Schoonmaker is staying at Blandings Castle, her London season having been cut short by Connie. Connie is not happy that Myra wants to marry the impoverished East End curate Bill Bailey. Lord Emsworth is not happy with his sister, with his latest secretary Lavender Briggs and with the houseguest Duke of Dunstable. Adding to the unpleasantness, Lady Constance invites a party of Church Lads to camp out at the lake, young boys who enjoy taunting Emsworth.

When Connie says she will be away for a day having her hair done in Shrewsbury, Myra contacts Bailey, arranging to meet in a registry office and get married. Bailey, with his friend Pongo Twistleton and Pongo's Uncle Fred, waits at the selected spot, but Myra does not appear. Uncle Fred is an old friend of Myra and her father, and he likes Bailey. Fred then meets Emsworth, who is in London to attend the Opening of Parliament), and invites himself to Blandings to help Emsworth, the unhappy earl. He brings Bailey under the name of "Cuthbert Meriweather", an old friend returned from Brazil.

At the castle, Bailey and Myra are reunited, after learning each was waiting at a different registry office. The Church Lads trick Emsworth into diving into the lake to rescue one of their number, which turns out to be a log. This leads the Duke of Dunstable to again question Emsworth's sanity, always manifest in Emsworth’s affection for his pig. Emsworth, at Fred's suggestion, takes his revenge on the Church Lads by cutting the ropes of their tent in the small hours.

Dunstable plans to steal the pig and sell it to Lord Tilbury for £2000. Lavender Briggs proposes to do the work of stealing the pig for £500; Dunstable will not sign a contract, so she insists he make a clear verbal agreement. Briggs enlists the pig man Wellbeloved to help and she has a second assistant available. She goes to London to deposit the cheque.

Myra tells Uncle Fred that Briggs is blackmailing her beloved Bailey, as she has recognised him, into helping with the pig scheme. Before Fred can come up with a plan, Bailey confesses all to Lord Emsworth, who in his wrath fires both Briggs and Wellbeloved. Emsworth then relates all of this to his sister, including Meriweather’s true identity. Connie orders Fred and Bailey out of the castle; they stay, as Fred threatens to reveal to the county that Beach cut the tent ropes, which would lead to embarrassment and the loss of a superlative butler. Upset at her failure in finding a good match for Myra, Connie cables James Schoonmaker to come to her aid from his home in New York.

When George Threepwood tells Dunstable that he has photographed his grandfather in the act of cutting the tent ropes, Dunstable realises that Briggs is no longer needed, as he can blackmail Emsworth into parting with the pig with the photos. He meets up with Tilbury at The Emsworth Arms, where Lavender Briggs, returned from her day in London and unaware she has been fired, overhears him telling Tilbury he has cancelled her cheque; Dunstable raises the price for Tilbury to £3000 for the pig, which Tilbury will consider. After Dunstable leaves, Briggs approaches Tilbury, her former employer, with her offer to steal the pig for Tilbury at a lower price; he accepts and pays her. On leaving the inn, Briggs meets Uncle Fred, who tells her that Emsworth has fired her; he advises her to head back to London to deposit Tilbury's cheque. She wants this money to open her own secretarial service.

Schoonmaker arrives, answering Connie's request. Fred intercepts him at the railway station and takes him to the Emsworth Arms, where they catch up on old times. Fred informs his old friend of Myra's engagement to Archie Gilpin, which she did after breaking off with Bailey for his rash confession). Schoonmaker reveals he loves Connie, but lacks the courage to propose. Fred tells him that she has feelings for him, encourages Schoonmaker to propose to her. Later Gilpin tells Fred he has once again become engaged to Millicent Rigby, with whom he had had a minor falling out, and now finds himself engaged to two girls at once; he needs £1000, to buy into his cousin Ricky's onion-soup business and support his future wife. Fred encourages Archie to break it off with Myra.

Uncle Fred tricks Dunstable into thinking Schoonmaker is broke, and persuades him to pay out £1000 to get his nephew Archie out of his engagement to Myra. Fred persuades him that Bill Bailey is a more suitable match for Myra. Connie is in tears on hearing Myra is engaged to Bailey, which gives Schoonmaker the nerve to propose to Connie. With help from Lavender Briggs, Fred plays for Dunstable the tape-recording of him scheming to steal the pig. In return for Fred keeping that quiet, Dunstable turns over the photos of Lord Emsworth to Fred. Fred keeps the tape so Dunstable will not stop the cheque to his nephew Archie.

With Bill and Myra off to a registry office, Archie back with Millicent and set up in business, Connie and Schoonmaker engaged and Dunstable well and truly scuppered, Fred smiles at the services he has done for one and all.

Sunday, March 02, 2025

Eric (Discworld #9) 3.5Stars

Title: Eric
Series: Discworld #9
Author: Terry Pratchett
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 94
Words: 35K

While I enjoyed this, this is also where I feel that Pratchett lost the zaniness that is Rincewind. Don’t get me wrong, Pratchett tries, he really does. But the magic is gone, completely.

Amusing but not really funny. I would still recommend this if you’re reading Discworld. Every little bit helps fill in the bigger picture of just how crazy that world is.

Well, onward to the next book...

★★★✬☆☆

From Wikipedia.org

The story is a parody of the tale of Faust, and follows the events of Sourcery in which the Wizard Rincewind was trapped in the Dungeon Dimensions. Rincewind is summoned by the thirteen-year-old demonologist, Eric Thursley, who wanted a demon to grant his heart's desires. He is disappointed when Rincewind tells him he is unable to grant wishes. Rincewind is disheartened to learn that the spells to confine demons work on him; Eric's parrot tells him that because he was summoned as a demon, he is subject to the same terms. The arrival of Rincewind's Luggage causes Eric to suspect deceit on Rincewind's part. Eric's demands are renewed and Rincewind finds that snapping his fingers allows him to grant the following wishes.

To be Ruler of the World. Eric and Rincewind are transported to the rain forests of Klatch in the Tezumen empire (a parody of the Aztec Empire). The locals declare Eric Ruler of the World. During this tribute, Rincewind and the parrot explore the temple of Quezovercoatl (a parody of Quetzalcoatl), where they find a prisoner, Ponce da Quirm (a parody of Juan Ponce de León), who is to be sacrificed. Da Quirm tells Rincewind about the terrible fate the Tezumen have planned for the Ruler of the World, on whom they blame all of life's misfortunes. Rincewind, Eric and da Quirm are tied up at the top of a pyramid to be sacrificed, when Quezovercoatl makes his appearance. Unfortunately for him, the Luggage also makes an appearance, trampling the six-inch-tall Quezovercoatl in the process. The Tezumen, pleased to see Quezovercoatl destroyed, release the prisoners and deify the Luggage in the place of their god.
To Meet the Most Beautiful Woman in All History. Rincewind transports himself and Eric inside in a large wooden horse (a parody of the Trojan Horse). Exiting, they are surrounded by Tsortean soldiers, who take them for an Ephebian invasion force. Rincewind manages to talk their way out from the guards and out of the city, only to fall into the hands of the invading army. Rincewind and Eric are taken to Lavaeolus, the man who built the horse as a decoy so that he and his men could sneak in while their enemies waited around the horse for them to come out. They re-enter Tsort through a secret passage, and find Elenor (a parody of Helen of Troy). Eric and Lavaeolus are disappointed to find that Elenor is now a plump mother of several children, and that artistic licence had been taken in her description. The Ephebians escape the city while Tsort burns, and Lavaeolus and his army set out for home. Eric notes that "Lavaeolus" in Ephebian translates to "Rinser of Winds", hinting that Lavaeolus is an ancestor of Rincewind.
To Live Forever. Rincewind brings Eric and him outside time, just before the beginning of existence. They meet the Creator, who is just forming the Discworld. Rincewind and Eric are left on the newly formed world, with the realisation that "to live forever" means to live for all time, from start to finish. To escape, Rincewind has Eric reverse his summoning, taking them both to hell.

They discover hell steeped in bureaucracy, the Demon King Astfgl having decided that boredom might be the ultimate form of torture. Rincewind uses his university experience to confuse the demons, so he and Eric can escape. While crossing through the recently reformed levels of hell (satirical forms of Dante's Inferno) they encounter da Quirm and the parrot, as well as Lavaeolus, who tells them where the exit is.

The source of Rincewind's demonic powers is revealed to be Lord Vassenego, a Demon Lord leading a secret revolt against Astfgl. Using Rincewind to keep Astfgl occupied while gathering support amongst the demons, Vassenego confronts his king just as Astfgl finally catches up to Rincewind and Eric. Vassenego announces the council of demons has made Astfgl "Supreme Life President of Hell", and that he is to plan out the course of action for demons. With Astfgl lost in the bureaucratic prison of his own making, Vassenego takes over as king and lets Rincewind and Eric escape, so that stories about hell can be told. As they leave, Rincewind and Eric notice that the path they are fleeing along has good intentions written on each cobble.

Monday, February 10, 2025

The Finality Problem (Warlock Holmes #5) 5Stars

Title: The Finality Problem
Series: Warlock Holmes #5
Author: Gabriel Denning
Rating: 5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy Parody
Pages: 248
Words: 96K

This book is analogous to Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes, as that was the book where Doyle “killed” off Holmes, only to bring him back years later and write three more books worth of stories about him. In this book Warlock takes the plunge over Reichenbach Falls with Moriarty, who has possessed Watson’s wife Mary.

I knew going into this that this was how things ended AND that this was written back in late 2020. With no new published Warlock Holmes book since. I thought I might be upset about that. I wasn’t, not one tiny bit. It fit perfectly as the parody that this series is and if we don’t get any more Warlock Holmes books, I will be disappointed, but not devastated; nor will it set me off on a rant and make me castigate myself for ever reading the first book. I already plan on re-reading this series at some point; I had that much fun with it.

I had two little niggles with this book, which I think need airing. First, the relationship between John and Mary. I know that Denning really mocks everything in this series, but I found it extremely hard to stomach his mocking marriage that way. They HATE each other but because of “magic” have to be with each other. It’s the very definition of a toxic relationship and I hated it. The second was Watson’s continued blathering about the end of the world due to a demon invasion/apocalypse. He’s gone on about that ever since the first book, but I’ve seen zero evidence of it. Just because demons exist doesn’t mean that without Warlock our dimension will be invaded. The world survived until Warlock was born after all. So there you go, two niggles. And I won’t even charge you a nickle!

Once again, being familiar with the Sherlock Holmes canon will help your enjoyment of these stories tremendously. Each story IS amusing on its own, but if you know the original, you can see how Denning has twisted things and that makes it just that much more amusing. I suspect you have to have a particular kind of humor to appreciate it though. I definitely have that.

Finally, I’d like to thank Mogsy (again) for introducing me to this series. If it weren’t for her, I’d never have heard of this nor would I have had the inclination to try these. I had so much fun that I am extremely thankful for that intersection on the bookish highway. Here is her review of The Finality Problem. At the end of her review she has links to all her reviews of the previous books, if you are interested. I too have included links to my previous reviews down below.

★★★★★

From the Publisher

The famous duo has been split! Watson has been banished from Holmes's company. Despite the interference of his horrible wife, Mary, Watson tirelessly insinuates himself into every magical adventure he can. Together, he and Holmes face a man with a twisted... everything, some very questionable juice-drinking Germans, Garrideb the Devourer and the estimable Irene Adler. Yet, nothing can prepare them for Moriarty's new form and the terrible moment they must face their Finality Problem at the edge of the Reichenbach Falls.

Tuesday, January 21, 2025

Guards! Guards! (Discworld #8) 4Stars

Title: Guards! Guards!
Series: Discworld #8
Author: Terry Pratchett
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 259
Words: 98K

One hundred percent better than when I read this back in 2007 (link at the bottom of the review). A lot of that is that I’ve read enough of Discworld to know now that it’s not all madcap silliness, like I was expecting back then. It also helps that I’m reading these in publication order and keeps me from getting tunnel vision on one set of characters (Rincewind, the Witches, Death, etc) and hitting a wall when a book is about a different set. I am really liking reading these this way because it feels more well rounded and Discworld as a setting is fleshed out more by the various characters instead of being seen from just one perspective.

I had forgotten just how broken Vimes is at the beginning. In many ways this is a redemption story and yet, it’s not. I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but part of it is more about Vimes himself pulling himself up by the bootstraps than any redemption. Vimes (for some reason I always want to say “Grimes”) is a very humanistic literary character and I can see why Pratchett chose to create him and why many readers of Discworld identify with him. There’s nothing of the supernatural intruding into Vime’s life to make him question life’s basic questions. There’s just crime and grime and apathy. He can overcome those things on his own with no help (as thus enable the reader to feel that they can too). I have a feeling that is one of the reasons I didn’t care for The Watch sub-series as much before.

I still don’t like that direction, but having interacted a lot more with people of no faith in the last 17 years has given me a broader and hopefully more sympathetic feeling towards those who would feel like Vimes does. They are wrong, but I’m not so likely to shake my finger at them and lecture them for 30 min. I cut that down to just 10 minutes now ;-)

The story was fun. Rogue magic user politician wannabe takes over the city and gets in WAY over his head. Vimes and the Night Watch help figure things out while the Patrician sits back and lets things play out. It was a relatively light story with only Ankh-Morpork at stake and not the whole of Discworld. Grimes, blast it, Vimes, has enough Everyman Banal Thoughts to make those not used to thinking for themselves feel like they are reading something deep while the rest of us can safely roll our eyes and think about kicking Vimes in the pants to get him out of his funk.

Now that I’ve read the first of The Watch books again and enjoyed it so much, I am looking forward to the rest of them. I really wasn’t before, but I think that reading the books in publication order is going to continue to make a night and day difference for me.

Cheers to that!

★★★★☆

From Wikipedia.org

A secret monastic order plots to overthrow the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork and install a puppet monarch under the control of the Order. They summon a dragon to terrorise the city and plan to have the puppet "slay" the dragon and claim to be the lost heir of the defunct royal house.

The Night Watch, which is generally seen as both corrupt and incompetent, starts to change with the arrival of idealistic new recruit Carrot Ironfoundersson, a human orphan raised by dwarfish parents. When the Librarian of the Unseen University (an orangutan) reports a book of magic stolen, Vimes links the theft to the dragon's appearances. The Watch's investigation makes the acquaintance of Lady Sybil Ramkin, who breeds small swamp dragons, and gives an underdeveloped dragon named Errol to the Watch as a mascot.

At first, the plot works flawlessly. The Patrician is ousted in favor of the new king, but the banished dragon returns and makes itself king, demanding gold and virgin sacrifices, and prepares to wage war against Ankh-Morpork's neighbours for the further acquisition of both (which the citizenry generally seem to approve of).

Vimes confronts his old childhood friend, the Patrician's Secretary Lupine Wonse, having figured out that he is the Supreme Grand Master, and responsible for the dragon's appearance. Vimes is imprisoned in the same cell as the Patrician. Vimes escapes with the help of the Librarian and runs to rescue Sybil, chosen as the first sacrificed maiden. After the remaining Watch fail to kill the king through a 'million-to-one chance' arrowshot, Errol fights it, and knocks it from the sky. The assembled crowd closes in to kill the king, and Sybil pleads for the dragon's life. Carrot arrests it, but Errol lets it escape. The dragon is in fact female, and the battle between them was a courtship ritual.

Vimes arrests Wonse, as he tries to summon another dragon, telling Carrot to "throw the book at him". Wonse falls to his death after the very literal Carrot hits him with a thrown copy of Laws and Ordinances of Ankh-Morpork.

The Patrician is reinstated as ruler of Ankh-Morpork, and offers the Watch anything they want as a reward. They ask only for a modest pay raise, a new tea kettle, and a dartboard. However, since the Watch's original station house was destroyed by the dragon, Lady Ramkin donates her childhood home at Pseudopolis Yard to serve as the new one.

Monday, December 09, 2024

The Sign of Nine (Warlock Holmes #4) 4.5Stars

Title: The Sign of Nine
Series: Warlock Holmes #4
Author: Gabriel Denning
Rating: 4.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy Parody
Pages: 269
Words: 98K

This has reignited my book hunger. While Sanditon started it and Mon Dieu Cthulhu and KTF Part II put a damper on things, The Sign of Nine has made me voracious again. Every time I put this book down, all I could think about was when I would be able to pick it back up.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t laughing out loud or reading horrible excerpts to Mrs B like I did with the first book, but it still fed my soul and I needed that. I was also ready to be fed. If I had read this even two weeks earlier I suspect I’d have been very “meh” about it.

It was the right book at the right time, so watch out. I suspect there will be a lot more book reviews in the coming weeks, even with my Love Saves the Day updates taking up Fridays and not posting on Sabbaths.

Once again I am impressed, and quite rightly, by Denning’s sticking to the short stories of Sherlock Holmes. Every story for Warlock Holmes is based on a story by Doyle and while they veer off, madly and wildly at times, the details included always keep us grounded in a very Holmes oriented world. If you’ve never read Sherlock Holmes, or read them so long ago as to have all the details be fuzzy for you, don’t worry, you won’t miss out on a thing. But if you DO remember the stories, you’re experience will be deeper, richer and oh so much more FUN! Denning continually riffs on the originals and you’ll miss out on all that humor, which would be a crying shame.

Watson is a complete wreck in this book. He is recovering from being poisoned by Irene Adler, he’s obsessed with her (any man who has been in love with a woman who he knows he simply cannot have will know that obsession), he’s obsessed with Moriarty, he’s taking a magical drug solution made out of his own blood and shredded Mummy and he’s got Holmes trying to “help” him. Mainly by getting him hitched to a woman so he’ll move out and stay out of Holmes’ sphere of influence, thus saving Watson’s life. That is the reason why this didn’t get the coveted 5Star Award from me.

In the originals, Watson marries one of the clients and has a happy, contented life with a wonderful woman who supports him. Here, Mary is a tyrant, who he hates on sight and she despises him just as much. Warlock intertwines their “fate” lines so they fall in love, but they still hate each other. I get why that is funny, but it didn’t work for me. Killing puppies is funny (like in the first book), but having people get married who literally want to kill the other isn’t. This is why humor is such a subjective thing. But that was my only issue and was relegated to the last chapter in the book.

Now we come to the future.

There is only one more book left in the series. Unfortunately, I have heard it ends on a cliffhanger as big as the one where Doyle killed off Holmes, but more cliffhanger’y. I’m going to read the final book, but I’m already wondering if that’ll be a mistake. While this book isn’t exactly a “great” ending, it does end on a pretty settled note. See, people who think reading has no drama are idiots. THIS is high drama.

I’d like to thank Mogsy for introducing this series to me over 5 years ago. Here is her review of this volume. Mogsy’s 2019 Review of “The Sign of Nine”.

★★★★✬

From the Publisher

Synopsis – click to open

Warlock Holmes may have demons in his head, but now Dr. John Watson has a mummy in his bloodstream. Specifically that of the sorcerer Xantharaxes, who when shredded and dissolved in a 7% solution, results in some extremely odd but useful prophetic dreams. There’s also the small matter of Watson falling for yet another damsel-du-jour, and Warlock deciding that his companion needs some domestic bliss…

Wednesday, November 06, 2024

Pyramids (Discworld #7) 4Stars

Title: Pyramids
Series: Discworld #7
Author: Terry Pratchett
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 253
Words: 88K

This is the first “standalone” Discworld novel. By that I mean that none of the characters in this book ever return as main characters nor do we ever go back to the country the main character is from. This is simply a “Discworld” novel. While having read the previous six books will give you a slightly better overall view of Ankh-Morpork, not very much of the story actually takes place there and a better knowledge of that city will not actually affect your enjoyment of this book. But just like I stated in the previous book, Discworld “should” be read in the order that Pratchett published them. It “can” be read in almost any order, but it is just better the other way.

I was hoping that more of the story would take place in Ankh-Morpork, mainly because I wanted to see more of the Assassins Guild. That didn’t happen. So I pinned my hopes that when Teppic went back to be king that I’d get assassin guild hijinks then. Still didn’t happen. Teppic sneaks around a bit, but that’s the extent of we see of his years of training. I was disappointed. Pratchett seemed more focused on taking his bile out on religion in general in this novel than in telling a fun and engaging story. It was still a fun story, but if he’d written more like some of the earlier books (the Death books in particular, where he tackles a controversial subject, but without coming across like an angry jackass), this could have been so much better. I suspect the acolytes of Scyenze would like this more, as that is/was Pratchett’s pet godling.

Now that I’ve vented MY bile, do I have anything left? That’s a good question. It colors every word in this review. Huh, just like the novel! Amazing, hahahahahaa.

I would not recommend this as a starting place for Discworld even though it is a standalone. The writing isn’t as on point, the humor isn’t as funny and this gives you a glimpse of the author Pratchett would fully turn into near the end of the series. Spare yourself. At the same time, it’s still fun, it’s still entertaining and I don’t feel bad about re-reading this. I do know I would never choose to read this for a third time on it’s own again though.

★★★★☆

From Wikipedia.org

Synopsis – click to open

The main character of Pyramids is Teppic (short for Pteppicymon), the crown prince of the tiny kingdom of Djelibeybi (a pun on the candy Jelly Baby, meaning “Child of the Djel”), the Discworld counterpart to Ancient Egypt. The kingdom, founded seven-thousand years ago and formerly a great empire which dominated the continent of Klatch, has been in debt and recession for generations due to the construction of pyramids for the burial of its pharaohs (primarily on prime agricultural land) and now occupies an area two miles wide along the 150-mile-long River Djel.

Young Teppic has been in training at the Assassins Guild in Ankh-Morpork for the past seven years, having been sent to bring in revenue for the kingdom. The day after passing his final exam by chance, he mystically senses that his father, Pteppicymon XXVII, has died and that he must return home. Being the first Djelibeybian king raised outside the kingdom leads to some interesting problems, as Dios, the high priest, is a stickler for tradition, and does not actually allow the pharaohs to rule the country.

When plans are being laid out for the old pharaoh’s tomb, Teppic (now Pteppicymon XXVIII) mentions that his father did not wish to be buried in a pyramid; in reaction to Dios’s rejection of this idea, Teppic ends up ordering the construction of a pyramid twice the size of the largest one previously built in Djelibeybi. Whilst the pyramid-building Ptaclusp dynasty work out how to build the pyramid within budget and on time (eventually taking advantage of the unfinished pyramid’s premature temporal distortions), the late Pteppicymon XXVII spends his time observing the embalming of his mortal remains and taking an interest in the lives of his embalmers, Dil and Gurn.

After numerous adventures and misunderstandings, Teppic is forced to escape from the palace with a handmaiden named Ptraci, who was condemned to death for not wishing to die and serve the late pharaoh in the afterlife (effectively on Dios’ orders since Teppic wished to pardon her). However, during the attempt, Dios discovers them and decrees that Teppic has killed the King (as the King is only recognised whilst wearing the Mask of the Sun and Dios reasons that Teppic’s actions to save Ptraci would not be those of the King) and should be put to death. Meanwhile, the massive pyramid warps space-time so much that it “rotates” Djelibeybi out of alignment with the space/time of the rest of the Disc by ninety degrees.

After Teppic and Ptraci manage to escape Djelibeybi, they travel to Ephebe to consult with the philosophers there as to how to get back. Meanwhile, pandemonium takes hold in Djelibeybi, as the kingdom’s multifarious gods (many of whom occupy the same roles, such as Supreme God, God of the Sun, or God of the Djel) descend upon the populace, and all of Djelibeybi’s dead rulers come back to life. Also, the nations of Ephebe and Tsort prepare for war with one another, as Djelibeybi can no longer act as a buffer zone between the two.

Eventually, Teppic re-enters the Kingdom and attempts to destroy the Great Pyramid, with the help of all of his newly resurrected ancestors. They are confronted by Dios, who, it turns out, is as old as the kingdom itself, and has advised every pharaoh throughout its history. Dios hates change and thinks Djelibeybi should stay the same. Teppic succeeds in destroying the Pyramid, returning Djelibeybi to the real world and sending Dios back through time (where he meets the original founder of the Kingdom, thereby restarting the cycle). Teppic then abdicates, allowing Ptraci (who turns out to be his half-sister) to rule. Ptraci immediately institutes much-needed changes, Teppic decides to travel the Disc, Death comes to ferry the former rulers of Djelibeybi to the afterlife, and Djelibeybi’s former embalmers and pyramid-builders adjust to life without the pyramids.

Tuesday, October 15, 2024

My Grave Ritual (Warlock Holmes #3) 4.5Stars

Title: My Grave Ritual
Series: Warlock Holmes #3
Author: Gabriel Denning
Rating: 4.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy Parody
Pages: 268
Words: 98K

Once again, another fabulous read.

This time around, I was bowled over at just how Denning took a Sherlock Holmes short story, parodied it AND tied it into a bigger narrative that overarched the entire book. It was impressive, especially when you consider the original short stories about Sherlock Holmes weren’t really tied to each other. Denning did a great job of twisting the original stories and stringing them altogether to make a cohesive whole without making it feel clunky.

In that regards, Dennings really shows his writing chops. I really wish he had other books I could read but sadly, it appears that Warlock Holmes was his only literary endeavor.

I guess I shall have to just savor the final two Warlock Holmes’ books that I have left all the more. That’s not really a bad problem to have if you think about it…

★★★★✬

From the Publisher

Synopsis – click to open

As they blunder towards doom, Warlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson find themselves inconvenienced by a variety of eldritch beings. Christmas brings a goose that doesn’t let being cooked slow it down; they meet an electricity demon, discover why being a redhead is even trickier than one might imagine, and Holmes attempts an Irish accent. And, naturally, Moriarty is hanging around… in some form or other. Just as Holmes and Watson are hitting their stride, a pair of ancient enemies return. James Moriarty reclaims his criminal empire and Irene Adler bests Watson with a kiss.

Saturday, September 28, 2024

Wyrd Sisters (Discworld #6) 4Stars

Title: Wyrd Sisters
Series: Discworld #6
Author: Terry Pratchett
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 210
Words: 85K

I really enjoyed this. I do wonder though if in another decade the references that Pratchett makes to such people as the Marx Brothers, Laurel & Hardy and Charlie Chaplin will be as meaningless as references to Britney Spears. A grasp of Shakespeare, while not essential, will make the read much fuller.

The humor, while not laugh out loud, felt genuine and actually funny, unlike in Sourcery. The humor of the witches is earthy and natural and springs from human nature itself. Which is why I think it feels so genuine each time and not forced like with Rincewind. That’s important for a series of book built on humor, even if elements of the sardonic are involved.

The inclusion of Nanny Og and Magrat help offset Granny Weatherwax as an irascible old woman. Nanny Og is an old nympho and Magrat is the sad sack meant to generate sympathy. Each has her strengths and weaknesses and they fit very well together as a unit. It provides a much wider variety of situations for Pratchett to work with and I think his writing will be the better for that.

People always ask where to start with Discworld. I used to give my favorite books as a starting place but this deliberate series re-read has made me realize that people need to start at the beginning and just work their way through the series as Pratchett wrote them. Sure, you will get some books you don’t enjoy as much, but you’ll also get the full Discworld experience and THAT is more important than your enjoyment of an individual book. Think of Discworld like Communism and Pratchett as Chairman Mao and you’ll get the idea 😉

Hail Comrades, may the New Order Enlighten you!

★★★★☆

From Wikipedia.org

Synopsis – click to open

Wyrd Sisters features three witches: Granny Weatherwax; Nanny Ogg, matriarch of a large tribe of Oggs and owner of the most evil cat in the world; and Magrat Garlick, the junior witch, who firmly believes in occult jewelry, covens, and bubbling cauldrons, much to the annoyance of the other two.

King Verence I of Lancre is murdered by his cousin, Duke Felmet, after his ambitious wife persuades him to do so. The King’s crown and child are given by an escaping servant to the three witches. The witches hand the child to a troupe of travelling actors, and hide the crown in the props-box. They acknowledge that destiny will eventually take its course and that the child, Tomjon, will grow up to defeat Duke Felmet and take his rightful place as king.

However, the kingdom is angry about the way the new King is mistreating the land and his subjects. The witches realise that it will be at least 15 years until Tomjon is able to return and save the kingdom, but by then irreparable damage will have been done. Granny Weatherwax, with help from the other two witches, manages to cast a spell over the entire kingdom to send it forward in time by 15 years. Meanwhile, the duke has decided to have a play written and performed that portrays him in a favourable light and the witches in a negative light. He thinks this will cause the witches to lose their power, and the people will like him. He sends the court Fool to Ankh-Morpork to recruit the same acting company that Tomjon was given to, which now resides in the Dysk Theatre on the river Ankh.

The company make their way to Lancre, and perform the play for the King as asked. However, Hwel, the playwright, maintains that there is something wrong with the plot of the play, something that just doesn’t feel right. The witches cast a spell in the middle of the play that causes the actors to portray the killing of the king truthfully, and the audience sees that the Duke and Duchess are guilty of killing Verence I. Felmet finally succumbs to insanity and stabs several people with a retracting stage dagger, before tripping and falling to his death in the Lancre Gorge. The Duchess is imprisoned but manages to escape, only to be killed by a collection of various forest animals who want revenge for the poor treatment of the land.

Granny Weatherwax explains that Tomjon is the rightful king, and he is due to be crowned. However, Tomjon does not want to be king; he is an extremely talented actor and wishes to continue his career with his adopted father, Vitoller. Instead Granny Weatherwax tells the town that the Fool is in fact the king’s son from another mother, and Tomjon’s half-brother, and he is crowned King Verence II of Lancre. Later on, Granny and Nanny reveal to Magrat that the previous fool is actually Tomjon’s and Verence II’s father. The status of Magrat and Verence II, who have been awkwardly courting throughout the story, is not fully explained at the conclusion.

Tuesday, August 27, 2024

The Hell-Hound of the Baskervilles (Warlock Holmes #2) 4.5Stars

Title: The Hell-Hound of the Baskervilles
Series: Warlock Holmes #2
Author: Gabriel Denning
Rating: 4.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy Parody
Pages: 251
Words: 91K

In the previous book, A Study in Brimstone, the book ends with Moriarty having possessed Holmes’ body and about to send a fireball at Watson to kill him. This book starts after that point.

Watson knew something was off with Holmes, so he poisoned his tea, shot him in the chest 4 or 6 times and then kicked the fireball back into his face, thus effectively killing Holmes’ body and hopefully displacing Moriarty. Now Watson, not sure that Holmes is actually dead, has to keep the corpse a secret while filling the place with fresh flowers every day to hide the smell of rotting corpse.

Thankfully, a case comes along that Watson can solve on his own AND has the side effect of bringing Holmes fully back to life, just not of restoring his body though. So for the whole book Holmes is in a state of corpsicle’ness that is very slowly healing. Great stuff!

Once again, familiarity with the Sherlock Holmes canon of stories will make for a fuller, richer and more enjoyable read, mainly because you’ll get just how the author is japing at the originals. Making fun of something is much more satisfying if you know WHAT is being made fun of after all.

The humor is once again right up my alley. In the second story, “Silver Blaze: Murder Horse”, Holmes is trying to get addicted to gambling so he’ll have another connection to the common man. Of course, the horse he bets on goes missing and he has to solve the case or else he can’t get addicted to gambling. In the process, he magically teraports in several dead horse corpses to the flat. I was laughing my head off and my stomach hurt. It was fantastic!

The first four stories were short stories and just like the real canon, The Hell-Hound of the Baskervilles is a novella, so it takes up the majority of the book. We find out a lot about Warlock Holmes’ origins and I must admit, the humor just wasn’t there. It was a very grim story and while Denning did try to lighten things up (Foofy the Hell-hound anyone?), there just wasn’t that bust a gut laughing experience I was hoping for. And the ending is yet another “Oh no, what have I done?” kind of thing as Watson realizes that maybe Moriarty isn’t actually gone.

I really enjoyed this and tore through it in two evenings. If rotting corpses and horse corpsicles don’t make you laugh though, you might want to avoid this series.

★★★★✬

From the Publisher & Table of Contents

Click to Open

The adventure of the blackened beryls

Silver Blaze: murder horse

The reigateway to another world

The adventure of the solitary tricyclist

The hell-hound of the Baskervilles

The game’s afoot once more as Holmes and Watson face off against Moriarty’s gang, the Pinkertons, flesh-eating horses, a parliament of imps, boredom, Surrey, a disappointing butler demon, a succubus, a wicked lord, an overly-Canadian lord, a tricycle-fight to the death and the dreaded Pumpcrow. Oh, and a hell hound, one assumes.

Sunday, August 04, 2024

Sourcery (Discworld #5) 3Stars

Title: Sourcery
Series: Discworld #5
Author: Terry Pratchett
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 197
Words: 79K

Unfortunately, this is what most people think of in terms of humor when they think of Rincewind the Wizzard. This was slightly amusing but not really funny and almost kind of sad. I didn’t dislike this story, but I really didn’t enjoy myself like I have with some of the previous Discworld books. It was like Pratchett had an off week and churned this clunker out during that time.

If I was just a teeny bit lazier, I’d end this review and not hide the synopis and call it a day. But I’m not quite that lazy, yet. I’m getting there though.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve done a food comparison for a book, but I think I have the perfect example for this book.

The Setting:

The Wilds of the Freest State in the United States of America

The Characters:

Two manly men who have worked hard all day doing Big Important Survey Things that you wouldn’t understand even if I explained it to you.

The Story:

After a hard day’s work where thousands of calories were burned doing Very Important Survey Things, McStudley and MacManly were driving back to the office. They were starving. In fact, if they had been soccer players, chances are one of them would have doused the other in bbq sauce and devoured him on the spot. Thankfully, for our story, they drove by a Wendy’s fast food restaurant. MacManly decided to get a Biggie Bag, because it had the word “Big” in it and his hunger sure was big that day. It was advertised as a double cheeseburger with bacon, fries, chicken nuggets and a drink. The chicken nuggets weren’t crispy at all. The fries were lukewarm at best. The icemachine wasn’t working so his diet vanilla coke was room temperature. The bacon was limp, the burgers overcooked, the lettuce was wilted and the bun looked like a sad clown. All in all it was a pathetic excuse for a “meal”. But MacManly still devoured it because he was starving.

The Lesson:

The ingredients can all be there but if they are not prepared right, it doesn’t matter because I was starving and I would have read a cereal box. Ok, so I mixed up my metaphors there, sue me. But you get the idea.

★★★☆☆

From Wikipedia.org

Synopsis – click to open

Death comes to collect the soul of Ipslore the Red, a wizard who was banished from Unseen University for marrying and having children. Bitter over his exile and the death of his wife, Ipslore vows revenge upon the wizards through his eighth son, Coin. As the eighth son of a wizard who himself is an eighth son, Coin is born a sourcerer, a wizard who generates new magic rather than drawing it from the world, effectively making him the most powerful wizard on the Disc. At the moment of his death, Ipslore transfers his spirit into his wizard’s staff, which is passed to Coin, preventing Death from collecting Ipslore’s soul (since damaging the staff to do so would kill Coin) and allowing Ipslore to influence his son.

Eight years later, Virrid Wayzygoose, the Archchancellor-designate of Unseen University in Ankh-Morpork, is murdered before his induction by Coin, who then forces his way into the university’s Great Hall. After Coin bests one of the top wizards in the University, he is welcomed by the majority of the wizards. Rincewind, The Luggage and the Librarian miss Coin’s arrival, having fled the University shortly beforehand after the foreboding departure of all of its magically-influenced pest populations. While they are at the Mended Drum, Conina, a professional thief and a daughter of Discworld legend Cohen the Barbarian, arrives holding a box containing the Archchancellor’s hat, which she has procured from the room of Wayzygoose, and which possesses a kind of sentience as a result of being worn by hundreds of Archchancellors. Under the direction of the hat, which sees Coin as a threat to wizardry and the very world, Conina forces Rincewind to come with her and take a boat to the city of Al Khali, where the hat claims there is someone fit to wear it.

In Ankh-Morpork, the wizards are made more powerful due to Coin’s presence drawing more magic into the Discworld. Under Coin’s direction, the wizards take over Ankh-Morpork—transforming it into a pristine city and turning the Patrician, Lord Vetinari, into a newt—and make plans to take over the world. Elsewhere, Rincewind, Conina and the Luggage end up in the company of Creosote, the seriph of Al Khali, and Abrim, his treacherous vizier. The trio are eventually separated; Rincewind is thrown into the snake pit, where he meets Nijel the Destroyer, a barbarian hero in training. Conina is taken to Creosote’s harem, where the Seriph has his concubines tell him stories. The Luggage, having been scorned by Conina, runs away and gets drunk, before killing and eating several creatures in the desert.

Coin eventually declares Unseen University and the various wizarding orders obsolete and orders the Library to be burnt down, claiming that Wizardry no longer requires such things. A group of wizards then attack Al Khali, with the sheer amount of magic created by their arrival temporarily putting Rincewind into a trance and enabling him to use magic, allowing him and Nijel to escape the snake pit. They join up with Creosote and Conina, the latter immediately falling in love with Nijel, and they encounter Abrim, who had put on the Archchancellor’s hat hoping to gain power from it, only to be possessed instead. Having the experience of many previous Archchancellors, the hat proves an even match for Sourcery-empowered wizards, fighting off a group of them and enlisting others to its cause. As this takes place, Rincewind, Conina, Nijel and Creosote find a magical flying carpet in the palace’s treasury, and use it to escape the palace as it gets destroyed by the possessed Abrim building his own tower.

With the orders no longer around to keep the wizards in check, wizards across the Discworld go to war with one another, threatening to destroy the world completely. Upon hearing Creosote express anti-wizard sentiments, an angry and humiliated Rincewind abandons the group, taking the flying carpet and making his way to the University, where he learns that the Librarian has saved the library books by hiding them in the ancient Tower of Art. The Librarian convinces Rincewind to stop Coin, and he goes off to face the Sourcerer with a sock containing a half-brick. Back in Al Khali, the Luggage, blaming the Archchancellor’s hat for everything it has endured, forces its way into Abrim’s tower. Distracted by the Luggage, the possessed vizier is killed by the Ankh-Morpork wizards, with the tower and the Archchancellor’s hat getting destroyed in the process.

Despite his victory, Coin becomes concerned when he is told that wizards rule under the Discworld Gods. He traps the gods in an alternate reality, which shrinks to become a large pearl, unknowingly causing the Ice Giants, a race of beings who had been imprisoned by the gods, to escape their prison, whereupon they begin strolling across the Discworld, freezing everything in their path. Rincewind confronts Coin soon after this. The Sourcerer is amused, but unthreatened, by Rincewind attempting to fight him, prompting Ipslore to try to force Coin to kill him. Rincewind eventually convinces Coin to throw the staff away, but Ipslore’s power is channelled against that of his son. The other wizards leave the tower as Rincewind rushes forward, grabbing the child and sending both of them to the Dungeon Dimensions while Death strikes the staff and takes Ipslore’s soul. Rincewind orders Coin to return to the University and, using his other sock filled with sand, attacks the Creatures from the Dungeon Dimensions as a distraction to ensure Coin’s escape. The Gods are subsequently set free, stopping the march of the Ice Giants. As the Librarian helps Coin escape, the Luggage charges into the Dungeon Dimensions after Rincewind.

Coin returns the University and Ankh-Morpork to the way they were before he came. After Conina and Nijel travel to the University looking for Rincewind, Coin uses his magic to make them forget him and live happily ever after together. Recognising that he is too powerful to remain in the world, Coin steps into a dimension of his own making and is not seen on the Discworld again. The Librarian takes Rincewind’s battered hat, which was left behind when he went into the Dungeon Dimensions, and places it on a pedestal in the Library. The narrator states, “A wizard…will always come back for his hat”.

Sunday, July 07, 2024

A Study in Brimstone (Warlock Holmes #1) 5Stars

Title: A Study in Brimstone
Series: Warlock Holmes #1
Author: Gabriel Denning
Rating: 5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy Parody
Pages: 229
Words: 83K

If you know your Holmes stories, most of these parodies won’t catch you totally by surprise. That’s a good thing though, because it is the similarities that keep this book grounded and from becoming stupid. The basic premise is that Warlock Holmes is a warlock of incredible power who fights the supernatural, but he’s not very bright and he’s not good with people in general. Enter Watson, a deductive genius with the ability to analyze things from a completely normal perspective. Who needs a cheap place to stay so he won’t get thrown out into the gutter. And voila, a partnership made in Hades. Throw in that Lestrade is a vampire and some other detective is a werewolf and you have yourself a recipe for fun

I laughed my head off for the entire book. I was laughing out loud and sharing bits and pieces with Mrs B until she finally said “Yep, that’s your kind of humor” and I knew enough to let it be and just enjoy it for myself. But my goodness, this was dark humor and so delicious. It was like eating an icecream sunday. For example. The Crew (Watson, Holmes and the other two detectives) find some mysterious pills that Watson suspects are poison. Holmes kidnaps the neighbor’s puppy and uses it to test the poison. He tells Watson to relax, because the puppy’s lifeline is going to end that week no matter what. The puppy takes the non-poison pill and is romping joyfully around the room. All four of our characters leave and the last sentence is something like “and the werewolf accidentally trod on the puppy”. I went off into howls of laughter. There were several such incidents that just set me off and by the books end my sides were hurting from laughing so much. I don’t know if this humor would be to everyone’s taste but it was almost like I had decided to write a book and use all the things I would find funny.

I also am aware that the final book ends in a cliffhanger’y way and that it will probably never be resolved. I have made my peace with that and will simply enjoy this for what I can get out of it. Speaking of cliffhanger’y, the ending of this book definitely falls into that camp. Not terribly, not in a way that made me want to immediately read the next book, but basically Moriarty takes over Holmes’ body and that’s how it ends. If this had been a standalone book, I’d still be ok with that ending because the humor was absolutely pitch perfect.

I have also given this the coveted “Best Book of the Year” tag. Doesn’t mean that it IS the best book, as we still have half a year to go, but my goodness, I simply have not laughed out loud so often in a very long time and that by itself deserves a lot of praise.

★★★★★

From the Publisher

Synopsis – Click to Open

Sherlock Holmes is an unparalleled genius. Warlock Holmes is an idiot. A font of arcane power, certainly. But he’s brilliantly dim. Frankly, he couldn’t deduce his way out of a paper bag. The only thing he has really got going for him are the might of a thousand demons and his stalwart companion. Thankfully, Dr. Watson is always there to aid him through the treacherous shoals of Victorian propriety… and save him from a gruesome death every now and again.

Thursday, May 16, 2024

The Restaurant at the End of the Galaxy (THGttG #2) 3Stars

Title: The Restaurant at the End of the Galaxy
Series: THGttG #2
Author: Douglas Adams
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: SF
Pages: 196
Words: 53K

This is why I don’t usually read “Introductions” to the books I read. Some jackass, who nobody has heard of before, has to write about his impressions of a book/series/author, much like a blogger in fact. And all they do is totally screw up your expectations of the story because of their determination to put their own spin on it

This series is a pointless, silly, humorous and totally empty little series. It means nothing and in another decade or so, will totally be forgotten. And I would read it that way and let it go it’s merry little way, tra-la-la’ing into oblivion without a care in the world.

EXCEPT

I read the introduction and the stupid dumbkopf talks about how meaningful this book is/was to him and a whole generation and how it changed the blah blah, blahhhhh, blah. You get the idea. So now when I am reading this, I have this idea kicking around in the back of my mind that this book changed peoples’ lives and I’m forced to take it seriously. Anyone who read this book and series, and it changed their lives, is so stupendously stupid and shallow that that change would be comparable to me dipping my pinky finger in the Atlantic Ocean and claiming that I had changed the ocean.

This is silly nonsense! Pure and simple. Hopefully after this book, I can treat it as such.

★★★☆☆

From Wikipedia

Synopsis – click to open

Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, Trillian, and Zaphod Beeblebrox leave the planet Magrathea on the Heart of Gold. A Vogon ship bribed by Gag Halfrunt and a group of psychiatrists, fearful that the discovery of the Ultimate Question will end their profession, intercepts and fires at them. Meanwhile, Arthur gets frustrated that the ship is unable to produce any beverages beyond an undrinkable tea-like liquid that is “almost but not quite entirely unlike tea”. He gives a lengthy description of tea, causing Eddie the Shipboard Computer to become CPU-bound and unable to fight the Vogon ship off. Desperate, Zaphod decides to hold a séance to call up his great-grandfather Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth to rescue them. The elder Zaphod scolds his descendant and sends him on a quest to find The Ruler of the Universe in order to solve the political and economic instability plaguing the universe. He transports Zaphod and Marvin to Ursa Minor Beta, the tropical home planet of the offices of the Hitchhiker’s Guide’s publisher Megadodo Publications, and leaves the others on the depowered ship in a black void.

Acting on a thought from the portion of his brain unaffected by his lobotomy, Zaphod goes looking for Zarniwoop, the Guide’s lead editor, though his staff insist he has been out on an intergalactic cruise. A man named Roosta takes Zaphod to Zarniwoop’s offices. Frogstar fighters arrive and attack the building, towing it to one of their home planets, Frogstar World B, a planet whose society collapsed through an economic process called the “Shoe Event Horizon” which rendered its economy unable to support any enterprises besides shoe stores. The planet eventually became the site of the Total Perspective Vortex, a device that drives those who experience it mad due to showing them their insignificance compared to the infinite universe. Following Roosta’s instructions and escaping through Zarniwoop’s office’s windows, Zaphod is caught by Gargravarr, a disembodied mind undergoing a trial separation from his body, who takes Zaphod to be exposed to the Vortex. However, Zaphod is unfazed by the Vortex, suggesting to a perplexed Gargravarr that it showed Zaphod that he was the most important being in the universe.

Left on his own, Zaphod eventually finds a long-abandoned spaceliner whose passengers have been forcibly kept in 900 years of suspended animation by the autopilot after the collapse of their civilization until a new one could develop to load the ship with lemon-scented paper napkins. On the ship he discovers Zarniwoop, who reveals that Zaphod stepped into a computer simulation of the universe when he walked into his office, allowing Zaphod to survive the Vortex since the universe was designed for his benefit. Zarniwoop further reveals that the Heart of Gold had been microscopically shrunk and placed in Zaphod’s pocket so that they can use it to find the true ruler of the universe, whom Zarniwoop has located. However, Zaphod abandons Zarniwoop, reunites with Ford, Arthur, and Trillian, and escapes to the nearest restaurant. This turns out to be the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, built atop the ruins of Frogstar World B and existing in a time bubble near the end of the universe, which it offers its guests spectacular views of. At the restaurant they meet Ford’s old acquaintance Hotblack Desiato, a member of the rock band Disaster Area, which is known for making the loudest sound in the universe and only perform their concerts remotely from an orbiting spaceship. During their dinner, Zaphod receives a telephone call from Marvin, who has been stranded on the planet for billions of years and is now working as a valet in the restaurant’s parking lot.

Zaphod suggests they leave, trying to steal a sleek, all-black spacecraft next to Hotblack Desiato’s limoship. With their ship on complete autopilot and unable to wrest the controls away from it, an agitated Zaphod admits that he still wants to solve the Question to the Ultimate Answer. Marvin abruptly tells them that the question is imprinted in Arthur’s brainwaves, but they are distracted before they can ask further. They learn that the ship is actually an uncrewed stunt ship for Disaster Area, which is programmed to fall into a local sun to create solar flares in synchronization with the climax of the band’s concert. They discover a partially installed emergency teleporter without a guidance system and Zaphod volunteers Marvin to stay behind and operate it so the others can escape. Zaphod and Trillian find themselves back aboard the Heart of Gold under Zarniwoop’s control, where he is using the ship’s Improbability Drive to penetrate the Unprobability Field that is protecting the home planet of the Ruler of the Universe. On an unpopulated planet, they find the Ruler who has no idea he is the ruler, is not convinced of a broader universe outside of his home, and is even skeptical if anything around him exists. While an enraged Zarniwoop tries to reason with the Ruler, Zaphod and Trillian strand him and make their escape in the Heart of Gold.

Meanwhile, Arthur and Ford find themselves aboard Ark Fleet Ship B, which is loaded with 15 million passengers from the planet Golgafrincham and is commanded by an inept captain who is only concerned with taking baths. Although the Golgafrinchans were ostensibly evacuated to escape a planetary disaster, in actuality the disaster was made up by the Golgafrinchans to divest themselves of a useless third of their population, later going extinct from a pandemic caused by dirty telephone receivers after they expelled all telephone sanitizers. The Ark crash-lands into a swamp on an undeveloped planet. Arthur and Ford leave to search for a signal from any passing spaceship, traveling for hundreds of miles around the continent. Along the way the planet’s primitive yet friendly hominid-like inhabitants usher them away from their home settlements and leave them fruit. After finding a glacier with a Magrathean inscription honoring Slartibartfast, they realize they are on pre-historic Earth in 2,000,000 BC, that the hominids are Neanderthals, that they have traveled across Europe from the future site of Arthur’s home city of Islington in Great Britain to Norway, and that the Golgafrinchans are the ancestors of the modern human race.

They return to the Golgafrinchans, only to find that they have been too preoccupied with trying to form council meetings about documentary-making, fiscal policy, searching for hot springs for the captain’s baths, and declaring war on uninhabited continents to bother with trying to discover fire, invent the wheel, or solve pressing issues. Ford tries to warn them that they will be annihilated in 2 million years, but they ignore him. Desperate, Arthur tries to teach the Neanderthals, who have been mysteriously wasting away since the Ark’s arrival, through a makeshift Scrabble set. When one of the Neanderthals spells out the word “forty-two” with the letter tiles, Ford realizes that the Neanderthals were part of the matrix of Deep Thought’s computer to determine the Ultimate Question and that the Golgafrinchans are interfering with the machination by displacing them. However, they also remember Marvin’s claim that the Ultimate Question was embedded in Arthur’s mind. Hoping that remnants of the programming exist in Arthur’s subconscious, they have Arthur pull out tiles at random from the Scrabble set, only to discover that the Question is “What do you get if you multiply six by nine?” Ford thinks this explains why the universe is a giant “cock-up”, and the two resign to make the best of their life on prehistoric Earth. They go on a date with two Golgafrinchan women, and Arthur throws his copy of the Hitchhiker’s Guide in the river.