This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Conan the Indomitable Series: Conan the Barbarian #17 Author: Steve Perry Rating: 3 of 5 Stars Genre: Fantasy Pages: 191 Words: 63K
Conan falls into a hole in the ground and gets in the middle of a fight between a witch and a wizard. It was purely and completely idiotic and ridiculous. But it worked because there was so much fighting. Conan was killing monsters left, right, up, down, forwards and backwards. Any direction he could swing a sword, he could kill a monster.
Perry does his usual “completely incompetent magic user” thing but with two, it’s really twice as bad. I couldn’t understand why either of them wanted to rule a bunch of monsters and blind apes and vampire bats. And yep, they’re both close to 500 years old.
Thankfully, this was the last Conan story by Perry, so I’ll be moving on to some authors who just wrote a single Conan story. Usually that doesn’t bode well, but after the utter camp that Perry has turned Conan into, I’m ready for anything else, even if it’s bad. This book has fit in perfectly with the books from yesterday and the day before and it’s a piece of garbage even if I am giving it 3stars. Sword swinging and monster killing is worth a lot.
I’m still pretty crabby and I wondered if my giving this 3stars was overcompensating for being so grouchy. Maybe this is REALLY a 2star book but because I was feeling so mean about that I over corrected and ended up giving it 3stars instead. I DON’T THINK SO!!! The Great and Powerful Bookstooge is never wrong, NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
★★★☆☆
From Wikipedia
Conan and his companion, Elashi, find themselves pursued by pirates under the leadership of a hermaphroditic amalgamation of two lovers, who believe Conan’s sword can separate the couple back into their original state. The two men soon discover a subterranean world, where a beautiful sorceress named Chuntha and Katamay Rey, an evil necromancer, struggle for control over various intelligent creatures. The bizarre cave-dwellers include blind white apes, vampire bats, web-spinning plants, one-eyed monsters, burrowing lizards, mole-like beasts, and giant earthworms. The local balance of power is threatened by Conan’s arrival and various complications ensue, including a revolt by the enslaved creatures, before Conan can win his way back to the surface. One of the worms and a cyclops are featured sympathetically in a subplot.
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Conan the Formidable Series: Conan the Barbarian #16 Author: Steve Perry Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars Genre: Fantasy Pages: 171 Words: 62K
First, the cover. There is a man with four arms in this story, but he’s a scared little weakling who is being used in a freak show. He’s definitely NOT a monstrous hulk who takes on Conan. I don’t know who the woman is supposed to be, because there’s not a normal woman amongst the group. Perry’s predilection for monster women comes roaring to the forefront. There’s a cat woman, a giantess and a young teen giantess and for once, Perry doesn’t have Conan sleep with anyone. You could have bowled me over with a feather, because Perry’s a perv and it has shown through in all his previous Conan books. So the woman on the cover is, ahem, artistic license.
There is an evil sorcerer, but he’s not 500 years old and he’s pretty dumb. His biggest ambition is to run a big freak show and pimp the freaks for even more money. When your highest ambition is to get some rich nobleman to be your patron, and you have magic and freaks, well, I say you are aiming pretty low. Said magician was the villain but he wasn’t a competent one, more of just one more annoyance Conan has to deal with on his travels. The magician does kidnap both some giants and a swamp dwarf thingy, so that brings their dada’s into the action.
Those guys hate each other and even though they work together to get their kids back, they both want to kill Conan and everyone else in the freak show because they know the location of their homes. Evil incompetent magician, traitorous and backstabbing giant and dwarf and then a bunch of regular soldiers hired to guard a rich nobleman. Conan and Co have a lot of killing to do and Perry didn’t let me down. There was a lot of action and that is what I liked most about this story. It didn’t hurt that at the end the two Dada’s ended up killing each other by accident while trying to be treacherous to each other. It was the perfect ending for two such scum bags.
I’ve got one final Conan book by Perry to read. I wasn’t going to after the last book (Conan the Defiant) but this one gave me the strength for that final lap. Much like that scene in the movie “Chariots of Fire” where the main character gets knocked down and then gets back up and wins the race, I too shall recover and take this reading race by the throat and make Perry wish he’d never written a Conan story. Oh wait, no. What I MEANT to say was that I’m going to push through all the pain and suffering Perry has put me through with these mediocre Conan fanfics and teach him that not even he can stop me from reading Conan stories. Hmmm, that doesn’t quite right either. Well, whatever. I’m going to read the final Conan book by Perry and that’s inspiring and you should be hearing that music from Chariots of Fire while reading this. Plus, you should be inspired to be more like me so you can crowdfund a biopic movie about my life and how great I am. Now THAT’S inspiring!
★★★✬☆
From Wikipedia
Synopsis – Click to Open
The novel opens with Conan walking into Shadizar through the Karpash Mountains. He is ambushed by some bandits in the mountains and rescued by a giantess named Teyle. She leads Conan back to her village in the swamp they inhabit at the foot of a mountain. The swamp is also inhabited by Vargs, who are described as “Green dwarves” and act more like goblins or orcs. Upon arriving, he is knocked out by Teyle to be experimented upon by the request of Raseri, the village chieftain and Teyle’s father.
Conan awakens inside a cage made from the bones of giants and finds he’s being experimented upon by Raseri. Raseri is performing research on the physical endurance of damage in humans. Meanwhile, Dake the freakmaster is on his way to the giant’s village with his entourage of Penz the wolfman, Tro the catwoman, Sab the four-armed man, and Kreg his assistant. Dake’s mission is to capture a giant and a “green dwarf” for his freak show.
On the way, Dake’s freak show is attacked by Vargs, but the creatures are scared off by a massive red demon which Dake summons (which is an illusion). Penz captures one of the Vargs at the behest of Dake. Dake promptly hypnotizes his Varg into servitude. The Varg that is captured turns out to be Vilken, the son of Fosull, a Varg chieftain.
Conan eventually escapes the cage in which he is being held and sets fire to Raseri’s hut, sending all of his research on humans into flames. Conan escapes into the swamp, running across some Vargs and killing several of them. Meanwhile, Dake arrives at night in the hopes of capturing a giant for his freak show with the help of Tro the catwoman’s night vision. The flaming hut distracts many of the giants and Dake is able to capture Teyle, as well as Morja and Oren, who are also Raseri’s children.
As Conan escapes, the giants release their “Hellhounds”, a massive beast with the appearance of a cross between a bear and a wolf. The hellhounds, Vargs, and giants are tracking Conan in that order of following. Soon, Conan slays all the hellhounds. When the Vargs and giants find these corpses, they are amazed. Conan finally escapes the swamp only to be magically captured by Dake.
Figuring that more of his own kind will attract too much attention, Raseri decides to leave the swamp to look for his children by asking the local humans if they have seen a man resembling Conan. Fosull decides on a similar plan, but coats himself in mud (so as not to display his green skin) and follows the cart’s tracks, knowing what they look like. Fosull manages to get a ride with a drunken wine seller in his cart. Dake forces Conan to display his strength so that it may be measured. Dake learns that Conan is stronger than all the rest of his freak show combined and sets Conan to use as his strongman for the traveling circus.
Raseri eventually finds Fosull’s wagon and learns that the cart in front of him contains a Varg who is tracking their children. Fosull learns that he is being tracked by a giant, but knows not who. Dake exhibits his circus to a village. Eventually, Conan discovers that rage helps in weakening Dake’s spell. Soon, Penz reveals he knows a few of Dake’s spells.
Fosull and Raseri form a temporary alliance to rescue their children. Dake meets up with a caravan of other merchants. They stop for the night and Dake sends Morja to the leader of the caravan as a gift. Raseri and Fosull have managed to sneak up secretly. This enrages Dake’s slaves and they manage to break the spell of entrapment set upon them. The former-slaves, Raseri, and Fosull manage to rescue Morja before she arrives at the merchant’s wagon.
The group kills the merchant and several guards in the ensuing battle. Oren throws a rock at Dake as he’s reciting his enslavement spell. The spell gets 2/3 done and binds the ex-slaves, Raseri, and Fousull (except for Conan) before the thrown rock smashes Dake’s teeth preventing the final articulation of the spell. Conan promptly slays Dake in the process.
Raseri is convinced that the group should not be able to leave knowing how to get to his village of giants. Raseri tells the group that he has a potion which will help them forget how to get to his village. However, his potion is actually a poison. Penz sprinkles a powder (stolen from Dake) that turns all liquid to water into the cups of the slaves while Raseri is not watching. Eveyone drinks the potion and Raseri reveals they are about to die. Fosull, whose drink was not sprinkled with the magical powder, kills Raseri with his poisoned spear and dies shortly afterwards. Raseri’s death also prevents the poison from taking effect. Soon, Teyle decides to let the group leave and the book is concluded.
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Conan the Defiant Series: Conan the Barbarian Author: Steve Perry Rating: 2.5 of 5 Stars Genre: Fantasy Pages: 133 Words: 60K
So the author has a thing for making Conan fight against 500 year old wizards who are as stupid as turnips. He also has a thing for Conan getting involved with busty non-human women. This time around it’s a zombie. And Perry throws in a regular babe too. I just rolled my eyes.
Once again, Perry uses some generic fantasy language to describe items. The “Source of Light”? Really, that’s the best you can do? These were obviously churned out within a week and any thought was absent from the writing. Makes me wonder if Perry looks down on those who read Conan stories, since he couldn’t be bothered to put any effort into these.
I think I would say that these “Conan” adventures by Perry are generic fantasy adventures with Conan’s name and description simply tacked on. Talk about tacky…
★★✬☆☆
From Wikipedia
Click to Open
Conan falls in with Cengh, a priest of the Suddah Oblates, who is conveying a jewel known as the Source of Light back to his temple. Unfortunately, his talisman is coveted by a necromancer, Neg the Malefic, who plans on raising an army of undead warriors with the jewel’s magic. When an agent of Neg murders Cengh and steals the jewel, Conan seeks vengeance for his friend. Joining forces with a warrior woman, Elashi, and a beautiful zombie, Tuanne, Conan tracks the murderer back to his master. They overcome numerous menaces on the journey towards Neg’s stronghold, including the Men With No Eyes, henchmen of the One With No Name, and a swarm of spiders. Finally, Conan faces and kills Neg himself in a great battle.
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Conan the Fearless Series: Conan the Barbarian Author: Steve Perry Rating: 2.5 of 5 Stars Genre: Fantasy Pages: 176 Words: 62K
Each author that has authored multiple Conan stories seems to bring their own slant to things. Perry is definitely all about the monsters and over the top sorcerers and rather silly naming conventions.
In this, the sorcerer is trying to collect all four children of the elements (gotta catch’em all!) and create (and I will quote here) “The Thing of Power”. How original, how amazing, how powerful. /sarcasm. I knocked off a whole star just for that ultra mega totally stupid name. I mean, latinize or greekenize it for goodness sake, don’t be so flipping lazy!
As for the sorcerer, he is one of the Black Square sorcerers and he is opposed by one of the last remaing White Square sorcerers. If you know your Conan lore, or are even semi-familiar with it, you’ll know that the Sorcerers of the Black Circle are a much feared group in the world. One of the original stories by Howard is entitled “People of the Black Circle”. I reviewed it here in fact:
It was with actual disgust that I saw Perry’s bastardization. I mean, come on! Write like you care more than a plugged nickels’ worth, you sot.
All of the storylines were weak and I’m afraid this little venture into the 5 or 6 stories by Perry about Conan will be some of the weakest I’ve read so far. Stories like this are why Conan had/has a bad name as a franchise fiction series. You might wonder why such a rugged adventurer as myself would continue with such weaksauce but that is because my literary thews are tougher than iron. I will forge on, unafraid and totally victorious. And I will bash the ever living daylights out of these books by Perry until they collapse in defeat at my muscular calves, clad in boot cut jeans.
★★✬☆☆
From Wikipedia
Conan finds himself in the Corinthian city of Mornstadinos, after he enlists as a bodyguard defending a magician and Eldia, a girl who has control over fire elementals, against an evil mage named Sovartus. Sovartus is collecting such elemental whisperers and already has the other three. He wants Eldia to complete his set. This brings Conan into conflict with a host of other threats as well, including a demon employed by Sovartus and the witch Djuvula, who happens to be the demon’s half-sister, the rich senator Lemparius, who’s actually a were-panther, an avaricious thief named Loganaro, and various monsters. Plots and counter-plots build up to a climax at Sovartus’ stronghold.
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Conan the Freelance Series: Conan the Barbarian Author: Steve Perry Rating: 3 of 5 Stars Genre: Fantasy Pages: 167 Words: 61K
Each author who does these Conan pastiches (or in the case of Perry I’d call it fan fiction really) brings their own particular tastes to the stories. They also tend to have their own internal chronology. I bring this up because when I started reading this Perry has Conan waxing nostalgic for a bunch of buxom lasses whose names he rattles off. It sounded very much like a litany of “this girl was in this story and that girl was in that story” but this was the first Conan story I’d read by Perry. Turns out, I was reading these out of publication date. This is actually the 5th Conan story Perry wrote. So I soldiered on but I re-ordered them in calibre so they’re properly sorted now.
Anyway, Perry seems to REALLY like non-human monsters. I’m not talking about a singular demon or leftover dinosaur thing, but in this story we have a whole population of selkies, of humanoid lizard people and a double handful of magical terror monsters. Plus, the queen of the humanoid lizards is a buxom blue lass who Conan “conquers”. I just rolled my eyes pretty hard.
The other issue was the wizard. He had all the ingredients he needed for his final spell but kept getting distracted and mispronouncing stuff, thus having to start over from the beginning. This is a guy who’s been around hundreds of years. You’d think he’d have learned to focus in that time. I don’t mind wizards being defeated, but this wasn’t Conan defeating the wizard, this was the wizard being a total incompetent and reaping the consequences of being a nincompoop. I rolled my eyes pretty hard.
At the same time, seeing Conan fight selkies, fight lizard men, fight magical terror monsters and stick a big fat steel sword through a wizard’s gullet made it all worthwhile. THAT is why I read Conan stories. So I’m giving this three eyerolls out of five.
★★★☆☆
From the Publisher
Fate tosses the dice for Conan of Cimmeria, and they come up…death. Dimma, the Mist Mage, knows nothing of the muscular Cimmerian, but the vile necromancer’s plans require his death. Thayla, beautiful Queen of the Pili, would rather take Conan to her bed, but her own plots mean he must die. The sorcerous changeling Kleg wasn’t only to do his master’s bidding, but Conan stands in his way. Even the lovely Cheen will let nothing stop her from recovering the sacred Talisman of her people.
The game is deadly, the stakes are life, but whatever the risks, Conan of Cimmeria will play until the final toss.
