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Title: Conan the Freelance
Series: Conan the Barbarian
Author: Steve Perry
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 167
Words: 61K
Each author who does these Conan pastiches (or in the case of Perry I’d call it fan fiction really) brings their own particular tastes to the stories. They also tend to have their own internal chronology. I bring this up because when I started reading this Perry has Conan waxing nostalgic for a bunch of buxom lasses whose names he rattles off. It sounded very much like a litany of “this girl was in this story and that girl was in that story” but this was the first Conan story I’d read by Perry. Turns out, I was reading these out of publication date. This is actually the 5th Conan story Perry wrote. So I soldiered on but I re-ordered them in calibre so they’re properly sorted now.
Anyway, Perry seems to REALLY like non-human monsters. I’m not talking about a singular demon or leftover dinosaur thing, but in this story we have a whole population of selkies, of humanoid lizard people and a double handful of magical terror monsters. Plus, the queen of the humanoid lizards is a buxom blue lass who Conan “conquers”. I just rolled my eyes pretty hard.
The other issue was the wizard. He had all the ingredients he needed for his final spell but kept getting distracted and mispronouncing stuff, thus having to start over from the beginning. This is a guy who’s been around hundreds of years. You’d think he’d have learned to focus in that time. I don’t mind wizards being defeated, but this wasn’t Conan defeating the wizard, this was the wizard being a total incompetent and reaping the consequences of being a nincompoop. I rolled my eyes pretty hard.
At the same time, seeing Conan fight selkies, fight lizard men, fight magical terror monsters and stick a big fat steel sword through a wizard’s gullet made it all worthwhile. THAT is why I read Conan stories. So I’m giving this three eyerolls out of five.
★★★☆☆
From the Publisher
Fate tosses the dice for Conan of Cimmeria, and they come up…death. Dimma, the Mist Mage, knows nothing of the muscular Cimmerian, but the vile necromancer’s plans require his death. Thayla, beautiful Queen of the Pili, would rather take Conan to her bed, but her own plots mean he must die. The sorcerous changeling Kleg wasn’t only to do his master’s bidding, but Conan stands in his way. Even the lovely Cheen will let nothing stop her from recovering the sacred Talisman of her people.
The game is deadly, the stakes are life, but whatever the risks, Conan of Cimmeria will play until the final toss.
