This review is written with
a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede
all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing
without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at
WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
#12
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating:
1.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages:
39
Words: 2K
Everyone in the group is out having a
picnic when some random student stumbles across them. He escaped from
‘hardcore survivalists who made him build them an atom bomb” so
they could cleanse America. Said student is then shot by the leader,
one Skonk, from 600 yards away using what appears to be an M16
machine gun. Casey and April take the super genius student to a
hospital while Splinter and the boys take on the Good Ol’ Boys with
names like Jess, Bubba and Skonk. Who want to set off a nuclear bomb
(in case you’d forgotten). Donatello removes the plutonium from the
bomb without any safety gear and suffers no harm and Kronk remote
detonates it thinking it is still a nuclear bomb. In the middle of
the woods. In their “bunker”, which is nothing more than a
ramshackle old cottage with a dilapidated garage.
This had me rolling my eyes so hard. I
was all prepared to show some righteous review anger but man, this
was so bad that I ended up just laughing at it. 600 yards is about
900ft, or 600 meters. You don’t shot ANYTHING through the woods
that far. It is mainly in urban environments or treeless areas that
that is even possible. And you certainly don’t do it with an M16.
Sniper rifles are precision tools with wicked long barrels and you
pretty much carry them in a case, not dangling over your shoulder on
a strap like a man purse. Then you have the “genius” student who
builds an a-bomb. I am not even sure where to start in dissecting how
stupid that is. Those plans are highly classified and no mere student
is going to have the know-how to do any such thing. And then
Donatello “simply” removing the plutonium. Awwwwwwwww come on!
Seriously? That’s where I simply gave up and just laughed my head
off. Next, you have Skonk setting off what he thinks is the a-bomb.
In the middle of the woods, with no viable target and no plans for
what comes next. That’s not hardcore, that’s just stupid,
hahahahaa.
And here’s a picture of the deadly
A-bomb. In the garage. Up on saw horses. How can you not laugh at
that?
This was a prime example of how to tell
a bad story within a framework of the readers already suspending
their belief (mutant turtles that are ninjas, for goodness sake). I
couldn’t suspend my belief because I happen to know a little bit
about guns, about militias and about nuclear bombs. How things were
presented simply don’t work the way it was shown. What it shows is
that the author knew as much about those things as I do about alien
triceratop warriors. Guns, militias and bombs were as real to the
author as alien dinosaurs, so he just makes up whatever crap he feels
like and runs with it. That’s exactly what bad story telling does.
If the authors had talked to even 2 hunters, they could have
corrected all of their ideas about guns. If they’d gone to the
library and read up on militias (this was done in ‘86 I think?)
they’d know that militia groups have to be organized and skilled to
survive and are not just cults with guns. If while they were at the
library they’d read up on nuclear weapons, they’d know about
radiation poisoning or how almost impossible it is to obtain
fissionable material. But nope, they sat in their little room and
made crap up.
I had no idea going into this issue
that I’d be going off on a rant like this. But come on, what else
am I supposed to do? Just let it slide?
This was also the issue where Eastman
and Laird decided to kind of split and each would do an alternate
issue, thus allowing them to focus on other comic ideas they had. I’m
going to just keep on listing both their names in my reviews and even
when guest authors come in, simply ignore that. Keeping track of the
whims of the Artistic Type is more than I want to deal with when
reading a bleeding comic book.
I’ve also realized that several of the covers I have for these
issues are the complete spread, encompassing the front cover and the
back, which forms a complete whole. Instead of chopping them up like
I have been doing and making the “usual” sized cover, I’m going
to be using the full version. So the first part of the review will
have all the data under the cover instead of beside it like is
normal. And this review is now approaching 900 words, so it is beyond
time to quit before I lose myself here.
★✬☆☆☆
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
