With his plans frustrated by his inability to find the Hidden King due to the Soul Guardian’s protection, the Chartreuse Emperor began constructing his most powerful, yet most dangerous, weapon, an Entropymancer.
Taking the last of the mythical Lord of the Poppies, and subjecting him to untold Suffering, the Mad Emperor brought forth an Entropymancer. Unstoppable. Unkillable. Consumed by a lust to destroy. An Entropymancer was released like an arrow, speeding towards his target, and only death could be the final result.
This was the blasphemous act that the Hidden King could not bring himself to commit. If he had sacrificed his beloved Elf Mage and subjected her to the Ultimate Pain, he could have created an Entropymancer of his own, to aim at the heart of the Chartreuse Emperor. But better the world to burn than for him to taint his soul with such a rite or sacrifice the one he held most dear.
And now, dear reader, what shall be the fate of this world? Roll your Dice. Play your Magic Cards. Consult the Codex. Is the destiny of this world written stone? Or, as John Connor once said “The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.” Let me know your thoughts.
Besides his Archmage, the Hidden King was also protected by his Soul Guardian. Knowing he was vulnerable to attacks powered by the Tree of Day and Night, the Hidden King had broken his soul up into five parts. Four of them he entrusted to his Soul Guardian, who had the power to hide from the Tree of Day and Night and whoever might use its power. The fifth part of his soul though, the Hidden King had decided to hide it away where only HE would know of it. Thus was born his name, the Hidden King.
Chartreuse EmperorForest Refuge
The Mad Chartreuse Emperor was driven to frothing fits of pique in his search to destroy the Hidden King’s soul. With his entire pool of power tainted by the Tree of Day and Night, even the power stolen from the Spirit of the World Guardian wasn’t enough to allow him to find the soul aspects. The Soul Guardian was doing his job of protecting the King’s four soul aspects perfectly. The Chartreuse Emperor sat in his Forest Refuge, brooding, planning, seeking a way to destroy his foes. He knew his destiny, that this world would belong to him and him alone, and nothing would prevent that.
Long ago, a human lord went into voluntary exile. Many thought he had somehow displeased the current Elven Emperor but this was a long term plan between them because of the Ancient Prophecy that warned about the Chartreuse Madness. The first unmistakable warning was the blooming of the Tree of Day and Night. With this, the Hidden King knew that one day his power would be needed. He went into exile to keep an eye on the Forest Castle where the Tree was growing.
WarriorArchmage
As the centuries rolled by, the Mad Chartreuse Emperor began his sweep of the land with his horde of Warriors. The Hidden King found a diamond in the rough with the last surviving member of the Steampunk tribe. She became his Archmage.
Garden’s True Spirit
When the Spirit of the Garden’s power was co-opted, it was another sign of the Prophecy. The Hidden King was a gentle soul however and he was not sure if he could do what would need to be done. Could he commit that act that would stain his soul for all eternity if it meant stopping the Chartreuse Madness?
Please read the Intro Post if you haven’t already. It explains pretty much everything (except how to use your microwave. Nobody can explain that!) Given how many responses I got from the Get-Go, my plans to collect responses over several months fell by the wayside. I’m able to start right away! That makes me pretty happy.
Recommendations & Responses
Alex Good recommended the 23 Volume Encyclopedia Britannica. I had read a 1988 version of either Colliers or the Americana version between 1988-1997. Yes, I was one of those kids 🙂
Fraggle recommended the Jason Trapp series by Jack Slater. That’s a big fat Checkaroo and it’s already on my kindle!
Will suggested A Green and Ancient Light by Fred Durbin. I gave it some serious thought, but after reading the reviews, all of which contained key words that I dread hearing about a book, I decided to say “That’s a negatory, Ghost Rider!”.
Chartreuse Flag Hall of Shame
Eddie, otherwise known as the Film-Authority to his enemies, immediately suggested I read all 700+ romance novels by Barbara Cartland. He knew exactly what he was doing, so he immediately got One Chartreuse Flag.
Dawie mock suggested A Haunted Vagina. We’d joked about it on on Whatsapp, but even still, it gets him One Chartreuse Flag! Even Netnanny doesn’t approve…
Maddalena suggested I try the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic series. Didn’t even have to think about that to assign her One Chartreuse Flag
The Most Important Part
Recommend me some more books!!!! Leave a comment with your recommendation of books you think I should respond to. I have the list of all the recommendations so far, so don’t you worry, I’ll be getting to them all eventually. And I had a lot of fun doing this 🙂
Now that we know the Pegleg Pirate was simply a patsy for the Mad Emperor to acquire the power of the Garden Spirit, who was the REAL opposition to the Emperor? The fact that he had not taken over the world meant there was some force opposing him, no matter how subtle.
But who? Who would oppose such an entity, one that was powerful enough to bend the Throne of Chains to his very will? Someone motivated by revenge, by a thirst to right a wrong, someone whose family had been destroyed by the Chartreuse Emperor! The Steampunk Elf whose eye the Emperor had stolen to use as his talismanic focus of power, was not a single child. He had a sister, a very powerful sister. She was Archmage to the Hidden King. While this Hidden King had forbade her to interfere thus far, she was strong willed and she had loved her brother dearly.
While the Emperor had usurped the power of the Tree of Day and Night, the Archmage was the original owner of it and all it’s power. That should tell you, dear Reader, just how powerful she truly was. And she used her powers to divert, impede, thwart and stall the Emperor until the Hidden King was willing to reveal himself.
Stay tuned readers, for next month’s thrilling installment of “The Mad Chartreuse Emperor’s Conquest”.
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Life, the Universe and Everything Series: THGttG #3 Author: Douglas Adams Rating: 2 of 5 Stars Genre: SF Pages: 126 Words: 53K
This was stupid. It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t amusing, it didn’t tell a story. It was simply stupid and Adams completely wasted my time with this utter piece of drivel.
Don’t be like the Chartreuse Emperor and read this book, or you’ll go insane. That’s a DoUbLe BoBa FaCt PrOmIsE!
★★☆☆☆
From Wikipedia
Synopsis – Click to Open
After being stranded on pre-historic Earth after the events in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Arthur Dent is met by his old friend Ford Prefect, who drags him into a space-time eddy, represented by an anachronistic sofa. The two end up at Lord’s Cricket Ground two days before the Earth’s destruction by the Vogons. Shortly after they arrive, a squad of robots land in a spaceship in the middle of the field and attack the assembled crowd, stealing the Ashes before departing. Another spaceship arrives, the Starship Bistromath, helmed by Slartibartfast, who discovers he is too late to stop the theft and requests Arthur and Ford’s help.
As they travel to their next destination, Slartibartfast explains that he is trying to stop the robots from collecting all the components of the Wikkit Gate. Long ago, the peaceful population of the planet of Krikkit, unaware of the rest of the Universe due to a dust cloud that surrounded its solar system, were surprised to find the wreckage of a spacecraft on their planet. Reverse engineering the vessel, they explored past the dust cloud and saw the rest of the Universe, immediately taking a disliking to it and deciding that it must be destroyed. They built a fleet of ships and robots to attack the rest of the Universe in a brutal onslaught known as the Krikkit Wars, but were eventually defeated. Realizing that the Krikkit population would not be satisfied alongside the existence of the rest of the Universe, it was decided to lock the planet in a Slo-Time envelope, to be opened only after the Universe has ended so that the planet can exist alone. The Wikkit Gate, shaped exactly like a wicket used in the sport of cricket, is needed to unlock the envelope. However, one ship carrying a troop of robots from Krikkit avoided being sealed in, and these robots began to search for the pieces of the Gate after they were dispersed about space and time.
Slartibartfast, Arthur, and Ford transport to an airborne party that has lasted numerous generations where another Gate component, the Silver Bail, is to be found, but Arthur finds himself separated from the others and ends up at a Cathedral of Hate created by a being called Agrajag. Agrajag reveals that he has been reincarnated countless times in a wide variety of forms, only to be killed by Arthur in each life; he now plans to kill Arthur in revenge. However, upon learning that Arthur has yet to cause his death at a place called Stavromula Beta, Agrajag realizes that he has pulled Arthur out of his relative timeline too soon and that killing him now would cause a paradox, but attempts to kill Arthur anyway. In his insanity, Agrajag brings the Cathedral down around them. Arthur manages to escape unharmed, partially due to learning how to fly after falling and missing the ground while catching sight of a bag he had lost at a Greek airport years before. After collecting the bag, Arthur inadvertently comes across the flying party and rejoins his friends. Inside, they find Trillian, but they are too late to stop the robots from stealing the Silver Bail. Arthur, Ford, Trillian, and Slartibartfast return to the Bistromath and try to head off the robots activating the Wikkit Gate.
Meanwhile, the Krikkit robots steal the last two pieces, the Infinite Improbability Drive core from the spaceship Heart of Gold and a peg leg used by Marvin the Paranoid Android. They capture both Marvin and Zaphod Beeblebrox in the process.
The Bistromath arrives too late to stop the robots from opening the Gate, so its occupants transport to the planet to attempt to negotiate with the Krikkit people. To their surprise, they find that the people seem to lack any desire to continue the war, and are directed to the robot and spaceship facilities in orbit about the planet. With help from Zaphod and Marvin, the group is able to infiltrate the facilities. Trillian deduces that the Krikkiters have been manipulated, reasoning that the people of Krikkit could not simultaneously be smart enough to develop their ultimate weapon—a bomb that could destroy every star in the universe—and also stupid enough not to realize that this weapon would also destroy them.
The characters discover that the true force behind the war has been the supercomputer Hactar. Previously built to serve a war-faring species, Hactar was tasked to build a supernova-bomb that would link the cores of every sun in the Universe together at the press of a button and cause the end of the Universe. Hactar purposely created a dud version of the weapon instead, causing his creators to pulverize him into dust, which thus became the dust cloud around Krikkit. However, Hactar was still able to function, though at a much weaker level. Trillian and Arthur speak to Hactar in a virtual space that he creates for them to explain himself. Hactar reveals that he spent eons creating the spaceship that crashed on Krikkit to inspire their xenophobia and incite them to go to war, also influencing their thoughts. However, when the Slo-Time envelope was activated, his control on the population waned. As he struggles to remain functional, Hactar apologizes to Trillian and Arthur for his actions before they leave for their ship.
With the war over, the group collects the core of the Heart of Gold and the Ashes, the only two components of the Wikkit Gate not destroyed by the robots, and returns Zaphod and Marvin to the Heart of Gold. Returning to Lord’s Cricket Ground only moments after the robots’ attack, Arthur attempts to return the Ashes, but is suddenly inspired to bowl one shot at a wicket that is being defended using a cricket ball in his bag. However, during his run-up, Arthur suddenly realizes that the ball was created and placed in his bag by Hactar and is actually the working version of the cosmic-supernova-bomb, and that the defender of the wicket is one of the Krikkit robots, ready to detonate the bomb once thrown. Arthur trips, misses the ground, and flies over the pitch, allowing him to throw the bomb safely aside and behead the robot with its own bat.
Afterward, the group are taking Arthur to a ‘quiet and idyllic planet’ when they come across a half-mad journalist. Some time earlier, he had been reporting on a court case in which a witness named Prak was inadvertently given an overdose of a truth drug. Prak began to tell all truth, horrifying the involved parties so badly that they abandoned the courtroom and sealed it up with him inside. The group find him still there, hoping to learn from him the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. They are disappointed to find that Prak has told all the truth in existence, but has forgotten it and kept no record. The only information he can provide is that the Ultimate Question and its answer can never both be known about in the same universe. He then attempts to tell Arthur where God’s last message to His creation is, though he dies seemingly before Arthur is able to memorize the location.
Arthur ultimately settles on Krikkit, where he becomes a more skillful flier and learns bird language. He is briefly interrupted by the arrival of an immortal alien who has made it his goal to insult every living creature in the universe, but the alien realizes that he has already done so with Arthur on prehistoric Earth.
Hero was hoping to gain an alliance with the Spirit of the World Garden, who was so powerful that she had kept the Mad Emperor at bay by her simple refusal to have anything to do with him. An act of utter negation as it were. It was through her power that Alpha Prime had been protected. While Hero sought an alliance, to use the Mountains of Night as a base of operations, Emperor Bookstooge had sought a crack into the World Garden. He had found a thread, a crack through Hero’s flight.
It was all a charade. Hero was no more a threat to the Mad Emperor than you or I would have been. The crack into the World Garden had been sought and with Hero’s unknowing aid, it was now found.
Would this spell the corruption of the World Garden? Would its power be co-opted to slake the Mad Emperor’s thirst for conquest of the stars themselves? Or would this attack upon her power simply make her even stronger, more impervious? Destruction, Stagnation or Growth?
Once again, I must apologize dear reader, for your humble narrator has no idea. Is the future safe, are the Stars themselves about to be conquered? We are all on this adventure of discovery together. Until next month, I bid you adieu.
~the mad laughter of a Mad Emperor rolls across the cosmos~
I was talking with Nic from DragonRambles.com the other month and we fell to discussing recommendations. I had asked for recs from people because of dnf’ing a series that just disappointed me. So she asked if I had a spread sheet of my data and I sent it her way. She then sent me a generous handful of recommendations and I was able to almost snap respond to all of them within 5-10minutes. She suggested that maybe I should make this a regular thing. Have people give me recommendations one month and then I make snap decisions about Yay’ing or Nay’ing them the next month while collecting more in the comments.
The only issue I have is that relies on other people. Over the years, I have found that I can only count on myself when it comes to blogging. Only I write short enough posts. Only I write just the right amount of posts each month. Only I schedule just the right amount into the future. Only I, Only I, Only I. You get the idea. I don’t blame other bloggers for not being me, but I do hold them to the edge of the sword that I hold myself to. Except when I don’t of course 😉
I’ve been thinking how I can engage you all and make you part of the process without frustrating myself or you. I like plans and the farther those plans reach, the better. So starting next month, for the Months of July, August and September, I will be doing Recommend Me Some Books/Authors posts where I simply ask for recommendations. I will save those up and once I feel I have enough to schedule them as I wish, I will begin doing some Answers to Recommendations posts. Under those I hope you will continue to recommend others.
Now, certain smartass bloggers who think they are funny will probably try to suggest such things as “Madam’s Bodice Ripping Adventures”. You may suggest that but be warned, it will get you a chartreuse flag and should you accumulate 3 chartreuse flags, I will no longer consider any of your recommendations in the future. In fact, I will take your recommendations as anti-recommendations and act accordingly.
An example of the Dreaded Chartreuse Flag
Now, if I can get enough suggestions sooner, I will begin my answering sooner. Your recommendations need not be books you have read. They can be books you are curious about and want some other sucker to try first. Maybe it’s your favorite book and you need validation by another blogger. Or maybe you just hate me and want me to suffer with your suggestion. Or you can be serious and try to tempt me with something. I will take them all. In your recommendation, please write the title, the author and if it is part of a series or standalone and why you are suggesting it. If I choose your suggestion, I will link to your blog and then answer your suggestion in a future post.
I will not actually be reading your recommendations. I will be making a gut level instinct about your suggestions and replying in an answering post. Just want to make that clear. But if a recommendation really clicks with me, I’ll be sure to add it to my TBR pile. It takes me a while to get to a book, but once it is in the tbr, I’d going to read it.
And just for the fun of it, there will be a section with a running count of those who get chartreuse flags. Your literary sins will not be hidden or forgiven. The Chartreuse Emperor is Mad after all and his wrath knows no limits of time or space.
