Bookstooge's Reviews On the Road: Non-Fiction

Showing posts with label Non-Fiction. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 27, 2024

If Only He Knew 4Stars

Title: If Only He Knew
Series: —–
Author: Gary Smalley
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Non-Fiction
Pages: 192
Words: 53K

I read books like this, like Hedges, like Making Love Last Forever, not because I have ever felt that Mrs B and I have been on the rocks relationally, but because I want to do everything in my power to prevent us from ever getting onto the rocks in the first place. Preventative steps are always easier to take than the steps needed when divorce is a real possibility.

I feel like I could take the following quote and have it sum up the book, for me:

“If a couple has been married for more than five years, all of the husband’s emotional unhappiness is 100 percent his fault.
In other words, your feelings of unhappiness in your marriage are directly traceable to the beliefs you have placed within your own heart.”
~Chapter 5, Climbing out of Marriage’s Deepest Pit

That’s a tough statement right there. But you know what? Men NEED those tough statements. At the same time, Smalley is writing exclusively to men. This is not a book for a woman to buy her husband and casually leave it on the coffee table in hopes he’ll read it and become the man she wants him to be. Smalley has a book for women called For Better or For Best. I have no plans to ever read that book, it’s not for me. This book however, is for men who want to enrich their relationship with their wives, fix their relationships with their wives or recover their relationship with their ex-wives. The thing is, the man has to want to, or nothing in this book is going to help.

Smalley also makes it a huge part of everything that the only person you can change in your marriage is you. Do not spend the time, effort and energy to change your wife. Change yourself into the man God wants you to be and the man your wife needs. This is very much about sacrificial love on the husband’s part. I wish I could emphasize that to the heavens itself. A husband is called to sacrifice himself for his wife, just like Jesus sacrificed Himself for the Church (Christians). There is no getting around that.

If you are a list kind of guy, there are lots and lots of checklists. One chapter had over 100 things to ask/question/check. It was daunting and I must admit, I skipped it. There were smaller ones though that I assiduously read.

Reading this made more thankful than ever that I am married to Mrs B. She is a dedicated Christian, has set herself to follow Christ and because of her willingness to be more Christlike and less self oriented, has made our relationship so much better. I am reaping the rewards of her faithfulness. Some of those checklists I was like “Phhhht, Mrs B doesn’t do ANY of these issues” and I was immensely grateful. I hope I can be the husband she needs, as she is very much the wife I need. At the same time, even with 16 years of marriage under our belts, we still have a lot of learning to do. It brings to mind an instance that occurred just a couple of months ago. I am a very “Words” oriented person. I use words to show people that I love them, that I care about them, that they matter to me (which is why a “silent treatment” is the worst thing I can ever imagine doing to someone). Mrs B on the other hand is very much a touch oriented person. She likes giving hugs, shaking hands, etc. That is completely foreign to me. Well, one day I came home from work and I could tell Mrs B had had a very bad day at work. So I can began asking her how her day went, how she was feeling, if there was anything I could do for her. She finally exploded (her version of it anyway) with “Words, word, words! Just give me a hug!” Ever since then, I make sure to give her a hug when I come home BEFORE asking her all my “words” questions. Loving my wife also means knowing just what love is to my wife. I also make sure she knows I am not just going through the motions with that hug. When I hug her, she knows it! 😀

Smalley ends the book on a warning note however. Never become complacent, never coast. A marriage is not a static relationship. It is a changing thing where you are either growing closer or further apart from each other. Smalley encourages men to make sure they are doing their best to grow closer to their wives. I thought it was a great way to end the book.

★★★★☆

Table of Contents – click to open

1. How to Drive Your Wife Away Without Even Trying 9

2. Where Have All the Feelings Gone? 25

3. If Your Wife Doesn’t Win First Place, You Lose! 39

4. Your Wife Needs Your Shoulder, Not Your Mouth 53

5. Climbing Out of Marriage’s Deepest Pit 67

6. What No Woman Can Resist 97

7. What Women Admire Most About Men 107

8. If Your Wife’s Not Protected, You Get Neglected 117

9. Arguments … There’s a Better Way 129

10. A Successful Marriage … It’s Easier Than You Think 143

11. So You Want a Perfect Wife 155

12. Watch Out! It Can Happen to You 169

Resources 172

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Making Love Last Forever 4Stars

Title: Making Love Last Forever
Series:
Author: Gary Smalley
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Non-Fiction
Pages: 304
Words: 99K

First, lets get the elephant in the room out of the room. That cover is pure 90’s Self-Help and it doesn’t do the book any favors whatsoever. I know that Smalley is not a vain man (more than any other man I mean) but this makes him look like some greased up shyster on a used car lot. It is too bad because this is a very helpful book on a lot of levels. I also have thought ALL these years that Smalley was the author of one of the books that changed my life, The Five Love Languages, so I gave him a lot of leeway. Upon finishing this book I realized that a “Gary Chapman” had written that book and that Smalley had nothing to do with it. Oh, what a let down that was.

Smalley is a professional counselor and does/did counseling in an office, in seminars, through video series and in books. He set out to reach as many people as he could and I think he succeeded in his mission.

Smalley is a Christian but his principles are general-use and while geared towards those who believe in Jesus, are still effective and ecumenical enough for anyone. He also only brings God into things as a “and if you want it to work even better, try….”. I never felt that he was a pushy Evangelical writing a theological treatise under the guise of a self-help book. Smalley genuinely cares for people and couples and wants what is best for them.

The book is filled with anecdotes from his own life, from people he has counseled and from other situations he has been in. While he might seem to go on tangents at time, he is always very good about bringing things right back to the theme of that particular chapter. He also has very good generalized advice and everything is aimed at the reader of the book. It’s not about trying to change your spouse, or make “them” better. Smalley says Love starts with us and it is our responsibility to carry out the duties of Love even if things are bad. This delves a lot into attitudes and stuff going on inside of a person. Which I must admit sometimes annoyed me because I wanted a Concrete List of things To Do. And what do you know, at the end of each chapter he has a list of things that Forever Love does, or does not do, that tie into the theme of that chapter. By the end of the book there were close to 150 bullet points in the list. That is exactly what I wanted.

I liked the fact that was so focused on the reader. In my marriage, the only thing I can truly change is myself. I can try to control Mrs B, or our circumstances or events, but that will destroy things quicker than anything. Plus, it’s exhausting trying to live two people’s lives. Smalley brings out that it simply isn’t viable, besides the fact that it goes against everything that Love actually is. So what can I do in my marriage to make things better? Focus on those things and don’t worry about what you can’t. I’m sure other people reading the book will get different things, but that is what stood out to me.

I’ve written about Love (Smalley uses the term Forever Love) here but wanted to define just what that is. Otherwise it becomes a nebulous “whatever” that can be manipulated. The following comes from the first book of Corinthians, chapter 13:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends.

★★★★☆

From the Publisher

Click to Open

For years Gary Smalley has helped millions of couples throughout North America enrich their relationships and deepen their bonds of love and companionship. In this extraordinary book, he shows you how to stay in love through all the stages of life. From first attraction to lifelong commitment, Gary’s proven techniques and practical advice show you how to pursue and keep the love you want, and how to energize your relationship with enduring, passion-filled love.

In this book you’ll learn how to:

Understand and use love’s best-kept secret
Deal with the number one enemy of love
Turn headaches into more love
Increase your energy to keep loving
Find the power to keep on loving your spouse
Use normal conflicts as doorways to intimacy
Read a woman’s built-in marriage manual twelve ways
Divorce-proof your marriage
Develop the five vital signs of a healthy marriage
Respond to your partner’s number one request
Find the powerful secret to great love
Bring out the best in your maddening mate

With humor, empathy, and insight, Gary Smalley inspires you to fall in love with life and enjoy the deep satisfaction of a lifelong love. Down-to-earth examples, touching personal experiences, and inspiring spiritual principles will motivate you to bring about positive changes in your marriage-whether or not your mate is a willing participant. You’ll learn how to tap resources at hand to help you follow through with your journey-and make your love last forever.

Thursday, January 25, 2024

A Confession (The Russians) 3.5Stars

Title: A Confession
Series: (The Russians)
Author: Leo Tolstoy
Translator: Aylmer Maude
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Nonfiction
Pages: 83
Words: 25K

The synopsis from Wikipedia is filled with wild surmises and assumptions that I totally disagree with, especially all the crap about Tolstoy somehow viewing God from a pantheistic viewpoint. Someone with an axe to grind wrote that instead of someone who just wanted to factually write what the novella was about. This is why I don’t trust Wikipedia, it’s a damn cesspit. But it is easier to copy/paste that than to try to write out my own synopsis, so this is just a disclaimer that I’m using their synopsis, but under very loud and vociferous protest. But mainly because I’m lazy.

This was the journey of one man who went from a children’s belief in Christianity, to Unbelief, to Church Orthodoxy to his own belief in Jesus Christ.

Really, this was just a slightly updated version of the book of Ecclesiastes (from the Bible). In that, The Preacher (most people figure it is King Solomon) talks about his loss of faith and how useless life is and how he sets out to find the meaning of life. Tolstoy does the same thing, but in a very russian way.

My biggest issue with this was how he almost never references the Bible itself in his searchings. He goes to all these various teachers and dogmas, but not the Bible itself, which the teachings and dogmas are based on. Or if he does, he doesn’t mention it but it really doesn’t seem like he goes to the source. Another part is that I don’t have the same experience as him. I took my Christianity very seriously from the time I was twelve. By the time I was sixteen I knew that I wanted to follow Jesus Christ whole heartedly and by the time I was twenty-two I knew I was on the correct path. The last 20+ years have been my various trials, tribulations, rejoicings and victories as I’ve continued to trod that path. Tolstoy didn’t have the same foundation and thus had to travel a very different path from me. I suspect this novella might speak much louder to someone who is in the midst of their own doubts about the meaning of life.

The translator, Aylmer Maude, added several footnotes that I found very helpful. While I have no idea if his translation is correct or not (I would hope so, as he was translating some very complex theological ideas), the fact his footnotes were clear, concise, to the point and were actually helpful makes me think his translation was a good one.

To end, while I am not a subscriber to various catechisms, I do think they have their place. And in this regards, this particular catechist(?) is apropos:

What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him for ever.

That folks, is the meaning of your life and the only way to do that is through the Son of God, Jesus Christ.

★★★✬☆

From Wikipedia.org

Click to Open

The book is a brief autobiographical story of the author’s struggle with a mid-life existential crisis. It describes his search for the answer to the ultimate philosophical question: “If God does not exist, since death is inevitable, what is the meaning of life?” Without the answer to this, for him, life had become “impossible”.

The story begins with the Eastern fable of the dragon in the well. A man is chased by a beast into a well, at the bottom of which is a dragon. The man clings to a branch that is being gnawed on by two mice (one black, one white, representing night and day and the relentless march of time). The man is able to lick two drops of honey (representing Tolstoy’s love of his family and his writing), but because death is inevitable, he no longer finds the honey sweet.

Tolstoy goes on to describe four possible attitudes towards this dilemma. The first is ignorance. If one is oblivious to the fact that death is approaching, life becomes bearable. The problem with this for him personally is that he is not ignorant. Having become conscious of the reality of death, there is no going back.

The second possibility is what Tolstoy describes as Epicureanism. Being fully aware that life is ephemeral, one can enjoy the time one has. Tolstoy’s problem with this is essentially moral. He states that Epicureanism may work fine and well for the minority who can afford to live “the good life,” but one would have to be morally empty to be able to ignore the fact that the vast majority of people do not have access to the wealth necessary to live this kind of life.

Tolstoy next states that the most intellectually honest response to the situation would be suicide. In the face of the inevitability of death and assuming that God does not exist, why wait? Why pretend that this vale of tears means anything when one can just cut to the chase? For himself, however, Tolstoy writes that he is “too cowardly” to follow through on this most “logically consistent” response.

Finally, Tolstoy says that the fourth option, the one he is taking, is the one of just holding on; living “despite the absurdity of it,” because he is not willing “or able” to do anything else. So it seems “utterly hopeless” – at least “without God”.

So Tolstoy turns to the question of God’s existence: After despairing of his attempts to find answers in classic philosophical arguments for the existence of God (e.g. the Cosmological Argument, which reasons that God must exist based on the need to ascribe an original cause to the universe), Tolstoy turns to a more mystical, intuitive affirmation of God’s presence. He states that as soon as he said “God is Life,” life was once again suffused with meaning. This faith could be interpreted as a Kierkegaardian leap, but Tolstoy actually seems to be describing a more Eastern approach to what God is. The identification of God with life suggests a more monistic (or panentheistic) metaphysic characteristic of Eastern religions, and this is why[citation needed] rational arguments ultimately fall short of establishing God’s existence. Tolstoy’s original title for this work indicates as much, and his own personal “conversion” is suggested by an epilogue that describes a dream he had some time after completing the body of the text, confirming that he had undergone a radical personal and spiritual transformation.

Wednesday, November 15, 2023

Hedges 4Stars

Title: Hedges
Series: ———-
Author: Jerry Jenkins
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Christian Self-help
Pages: 173
Words: 50K

Part One was warning stories and showing how even good Christians can be taken unaware. It was nothing new to me but was a very good reminder of how little things can be turned into big things, so stop them when they are still little.

Jenkins also talks about what the Bible says about protecting your marriage. It came across like he was writing to people who had never read the Bible. Which I guess, sadly, is the case in too many Christian’s lives. I found myself repeating “Well duh, of course the Bible says that.”

Finally, in part one, he talks about how people willfully blind themselves to their actions and the consequences of those actions. He points out how much damage is done by people just doing what they want instead of what they know they should.

Part Two is where he discusses some of the hedges he has planted over the years in his life (he was about 40 when he originally wrote this). He outlines why he did each one and references earlier warning stories to show where the lack of a hedge leads to.

I found almost everything he wrote about were things I was already doing. Whether from my upbringing and training in the KCM church or my own innate inability to be around people long term, I was doing and had been doing, since my early 20’s. Most of it seemed like common sense to be honest, but once again Jenkins seems to be writing to people who have never thought about the subject. I guess I was hoping for something new and startling. That’s the problem with a lot of these Christian books, they are talking to the lowest common denominator and I wanted more. Of course, living the way I have, and do, has saved me from so much trouble and problems. I need to be thankful for that blessing.

It was a good refresher course though, to be reminded to keep on cultivating those hedges and to not let them wither and die away. Jenkins also talked about some of the positive, proactive hedges he has put in place, like remembering the good times and spending enough time together. Some hedges are passive while others require an active participation on our part. I was glad to read those bits.

The Final Part was dealing with with families with kids and some of the things a father can and should do regarding their kids to prepare them for their own marriages.

This was a very personal and personable book. Jenkins unapologetically makes his statements to men. This is a book by a man, about men, for men. It took me back at first, as we’re so used to things being for everyone nowadays, but it was refreshing. Men need to be active in their relationships and they need advice tailored to them. It is why mentoring is so important.

Overall, this was a good book but it did not have as much “new to me” info as I was hoping. A solid 4star book and one I would highly recommend to any man, the younger the better. It also adds a notch to my Non-fiction belt. I’m pretty proud of that fact.
~does the Rocky victory lap~

★★★★☆

From Bookstooge.blog

Table of Contents:

Part I:

1: Tangled Web

2: Changing Climate

3: Don’t Blame God

4: Dynamics of Flirtation

5: Biblical Basis for hedges

6: Power of Self-Deception

Part II:

1: Two’s Company, Three’s Security

2: Touchy, touchy

3: Some Compliments Don’t Pay

4: Memories

5: Quality time vs Quantity time

Part 111:

1: Everybody loves a love story

2: When victory comes

Saturday, July 22, 2023

In Defense of the Second Amendment 5Stars

Title: In Defense of the Second Amendment
Series: ———-
Author: Larry Correia
Rating: 5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Non-Fiction
Pages: 190
Words: 68K

I included a tiny bit of a review from someone on Devilreads (down below under the details tag) because the couple of sentences sets the tone for what I’m writing here. It’s also a distinctly AMERICAN book, as it deals exclusively with our Second Amendment. Here is the Second Amendment in its entirety:

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Correia ends the book with the declaration that self-defense is the right of every single human being, whether American or not, and that from this right springs the 2^nd Amendment. That is where I would start. I already knew I was going to go agree with Correia, because I also believe in a literal interpretation of the 2A. I didn’t read this to change my mind or to even hear an echo chamber, but for the expert opinion of someone who has dealt with this issue from many sides (personal gun owner, gun trainer, gun seller, specialized gun seller) and know the legality of what is going on.

40% of this book is Correia backing up his statements with documentation. So while reading it might come across as “Larry says….”, there are footnotes galore documenting and backing up the statements he is making. That is important. It turns it from just a mere opinion puff piece into something that has actual weight and bearing on the issue.

This was released in ‘22 and as such, many of the instances he references are from the last 5-10 years. That makes it immediately relevant and gives us the nuts and bolts of how things are working, RIGHT NOW. Not how they are supposed to work, or people wish they worked, but how they actually are. That is important when dealing with people who are making claims about gun control and how it works. He also has a whole section on media bias and the “good guy with a gun” myth (which isn’t a myth).

While reading this I made many, many highlights on my kindle. My thought was that I could do that instead of taking paper notes and simply go and look at them and automagically somehow get them into this review. It doesn’t work that way unless your kindle is connected to the cloud and I deliberately keep mine offline so amazon can’t update it and ruin everything (which has happened and continues to happen with most amazon updates to their hardware). But I made highlights. Next time I read this I’ll be sure to take my notes on paper. And yes, I am already planning on re-reading this next year. I think it would be a good companion to my American Independence Day posts, because an armed populace is the very reason why the federal government hasn’t become more of a monstrous tyranny than it already is.

This is also my first non-fiction of 2023. If I’m lucky I’ll manage to sneak one more in before years end. Anybody have any suggestions? I’m wide open.

★★★★★

From the Publisher & Devilreads

“In Defense of the Second Amendment is a book that people who are either for gun rights or are ambivalent about them. If you are entrenched and in favor of gun control, you likely won’t enjoy or get much out of this book. That’s because this book takes almost every gun control argument and deconstructs it thoroughly.”

~David Broussard

What Part of the Second Amendment Don’t You Understand?

That’s the question posed by award-winning, New York Times bestselling author, and professional firearms instructor, Larry Correia.

Bringing with him the practical experience that comes from having owned a high-end gun store—catering largely to law enforcement—and as a competitive shooter and self-defense trainer, Correia blasts apart the emotion-laden, logic-free rhetoric of the gun control fanatics who turn every “mass shooting” into a crazed call for violating your rights, abusing the Constitution—and doing absolutely nothing to really fight crime.

In his essential new book, In Defense of the Second Amendment, Correia reveals:

Why “gun-free” zones are more dangerous for law-abiding citizens

How the Second Amendment does indeed include your right to own an AR-15—and why that’s not an “outdated” concept

Why “red flag” laws don’t work, can be easily abused, and ignore a much more commonsensical approach to keeping guns out of the wrong hands

The insanity of “criminal justice reform” that frees dangerous criminals and “gun reform” that penalizes your right to self-defense

How we can return to a society that has a safe and healthy relationship with guns—as we had for most of our history

Correia’s promise: “Believe me, I’ve heard every argument relating to gun control possible. I can show you how to defend your rights.”

Urgent, informed, with vitally important information for whoever who owns a gun—or is thinking about owning a gun—or who cares about the preservation of our constitutional rights, In Defense of the Second Amendment is a landmark book of enduring importance.

Sunday, October 02, 2022

Gulag Archipelago, Vol. 3 ★★★★☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Gulag Archipelago, Vol. 3
Series: Gulag Archipelago
Authors: Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Non-fiction
Pages: 537
Words: 229.5K

★★★★☆

All My “Gulag Archipelago” Reviews

Sunday, July 10, 2022

Bethink Yourselves ★☆☆☆☆ DNF@50%

Title: Bethink Yourselves
Series: (The Russians)
Author: Leo Tolstoy
Translator: Ayimer Maude
Rating: 1 of 5 Stars
Genre: Essay
Pages: 60 DNF / 30
Words: 15K DNF / 7.5K

Synopsis:

An essay against war. DNF’d at 50%.

My Thoughts:

I a not sure that I would have liked Tolstoy as a person after my attempt to read this short essay. Tolstoy and I would both agree that war is bad, but where we differ is that he didn’t believe it was necessary while I most certainly think it is (I wonder what he would have thought about Hitler?).

The reason I just quit this in disgust though was Tolstoy’s repeated attempts at categorizing war as explicitly anti-Christian, ie, there was no way to justify being a Christian AND to fight in a war. He doesn’t even address the idea of a Just War but just throws it out the window without even examining it (at least in the half of the essay I read). He repeatedly bangs the drum of “Thou Shalt Not Murder” (the 6^th Commandment given by God Himself to humanity) but ignores the fact that God sent Israel on wars of conquest as punishment against the Canaanite nations. It wasn’t so much that Tolstoy was anti-war that disgusted me but that he was proof texting (basing a conclusion on one or two Bible verses without looking at what the Bible as a whole has to say about a subject) and doing it very badly.

The movie Hacksaw Ridge shows what a lot of 7^th Day Adventists did (and do) about this situation. They are Conscientious Objectors but they still participate in a war overall. Desmond Doss was a medic in the army but wouldn’t carry a gun. Tolstoy doesn’t even consider options like this but is All or Nothing with him being on the Nothing side of the equation.

I’ve had glimpses of Tolstoy’s philosophy in his novels but this was the first time I’ve been exposed to it directly. Not a fan. I just hope this doesn’t affect my enjoyment of his novels.