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Title:
When I am Afraid Series: Non-Fiction Author:
Edward Welch Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars Genre:
Christian Counseling Pages: 58 Words:
19K Publish: 2008
I
heard about this book from Michael W on a post he did about Mental
Health and Christianity. In the comments he recommended this
little book. So I added it to my tbr and while it took a bit longer
to get around to than I was expecting, I still got to it before 2027,
which is a win for ANY recently added book to my tbr :-)
I
didn’t realize when I started this, but it is stated right on the
first page, that this is a companion volume to Welch’s book Running
Scared, a full book about
anxiety, worry and fear. The proper thing for me to have done would
be to have put this little companion booklet down, read the first
book and then come back to this one. Well, nobody tells ME what order
to read books, so I ignored that and plunged right into this.
First,
this really is a companion booklet, with tons of questions for the
reader to ponder. I should have read Running Scared first
after all. However, what this booklet did for me showed me that I
don’t suffer from anxiety, worry or fear. Now, everybody has to
deal with those, but it isn’t debilitating like I know it is for
others. My goal in reading this, and the next book, was to help me
better understand people who DO suffer from anxiety and what they
experience. This was not the booklet for that. This was directly
addressing those who do suffer and what they can do and how they can
change their thinking.
Second,
this is explicitly Christian. It will be of no help at all to anyone
who doesn’t believe in God and Jesus. The whole thrust of Welch’s
thinking is that God is there to take care of us (as He sees fit, not
becoming a vending machine god in the process). If you don’t
believe in God, well, good luck believing He will take care of you.
I
do have a feeling that Running Scared is
going to be a book that is talking to the Anxious and not going to be
about the symptoms of Anxiety or what to do to help support those who
do. That’s not a bad thing at all, just means I’ll be adjusting
my expectations going into it.
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Title:
No One Round Here Reads Tolstoy Series:
Memoir Author: Mark Hodkinson Rating:
1.5 of 5 Stars Genre: Memoir Pages:
307 Words: 107K Publish: 2022
First
book of 2026 and I end up with this stinker. My goodness, it’s like
it is November and December of 2025 all over again! Ahhhhhhhhh….
I
went into this “Memoir” (oh, how I am coming to hate this
particular kind of non-fiction) expecting it to, you know, be about
BOOKS that had shaped the author’s life as he’d grown up in an
environment where reading wasn’t prevalent and in some cases, was
actually discouraged. Instead, he wrote more about the music that
influenced him as a pre-teen and teen and then 20something.
The
whole attitude of this book was “I deserved better than I got and
it was always everyone else’s fault”. His parents provided him a
roof, food, schooling and they never stopped him from reading the
books he wanted or listening to the music he wanted. But his disdain
for his parents is almost palpable and his snooty attitude about the
working class is like a slap in the face on every page. The entire
sub-story about his grandpa getting hit in the head as a young man
and his decline into dementia and eventually death from wandering out
in the elements, while supposed to be loving, felt more like the
author was airing his family’s dirty laundry to generate sympathy
so he could say “Look at how bad I had it, pity me”. It also had
nothing to do with books.
The
last chapter in the book details his times visiting a psychologist
and a life coach. When talking to the
shrink he has this to write at one point:
“I
was hoping she would pick up on this last bit so I could waterfall my
life story, how I felt I was a weird cuckoo kid placed with the wrong
parents and had been failed by the education system and how I’d
missed out. Basically, all my self-pitying stuff, laid on good and
thick.”
And
that is the summation of this book. It is a gigantic whinefest by the
author about how hard doneby he was and how he deserved our pity and
wasn’t he so great for turning out so “normal” coming from such
a horrid background. It filled me with disgust instead.
I
asked for some help for the final sentence of this review, because
the author is from the UK and I figured some American insult would
just roll off his shoulders should he ever read this (very unlikely,
but stranger things have happened with me and authors, sadly), so I
asked what a really good insult would be. I came up with “ Mark
Hodkinson is a wankering twat!” and that really shows how low
esteem I hold for him and this book.
★✬☆☆☆
From
the Publisher:
Mark
Hodkinson grew up among dark satanic mills in a house with just one
book: Folklore, Myths and Legends of Britain. His dad kept it on
top of a wardrobe with other items of great worth - wedding
photographs and Mark's National Cycling Proficiency certificate. If
Mark wanted to read it, he was warned not to crease the pages or slam
shut the covers.
Fast forward to today, and Mark still lives in
Rochdale snugly ensconced (or is that buried?) in a 'book cave'
surrounded by 3,500 titles - at the last count. He is an author,
journalist and publisher.
So this is his story of growing up a
working-class lad during the 1970s and 1980s. It's about schools
(bad), music (good) and the people (some mad, a few sane), and
pre-eminently and profoundly the books and authors (some bad, mostly
good) that led the way, shaped a life. If only coincidentally, it
relates how writing and reading has changed, as the Manor House novel
gave way to the kitchen sink drama and working-class writers found
the spotlight (if only briefly).
Mark also writes movingly about
his troubled grandad who, much the same as books, taught him to
wander, and wonder.
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Title:
Rise of the Warrior Cop Series:
(Non-Fiction) Author: Radley Balko Rating:
1 of 5 Stars DNF@63% Genre: Non-Fiction Pages:
459 / 290 Words: 176K / 111K Publish:
2021
(updated)
When
the author apologized for his whiteness and his editor’s whiteness
in the “updated” introduction, I knew this was going to be a
rough read. When the author made it clear that he wanted to legalize
marijuana on a national scale and claimed that there were no harmful
side effects to using it, the ride got rougher. When the author used
personal attacks against one political party for doing something,
then softballed the other political party when they did the exact
same thing, it became Defcon 6. Finally, the ride went straight off a
1,000 foot waterfall when he claimed that ecstasy was harmless and
that doctors who “over-prescribed” opioids were victims of a
federal government witch hunt.
With
all of that, I simply cannot trust ANYTHING he writes about in the
book. You and I, as readers, don’t get to pick and choose what we
want from an author when he makes it obvious he isn’t telling the
truth. He’s either lying his little political ass off, or he isn’t.
Balko
made it plain that he is a druggee and lying sack of politically
filled bullshit. Which is just too bad because I was looking forward
to reading on this subject.
What
makes it even worse, personally, is that this is my THIRD dnf in the
last two weeks. I have got to start picking out my books better than
this. My monthly average rating is going to tank at this rate :-(
★☆☆☆☆
From
the Publisher
The
last days of colonialism taught America’s revolutionaries that
soldiers in the streets bring conflict and tyranny. As a result, our
country has generally worked to keep the military out of law
enforcement. But according to investigative reporter Radley Balko,
over the last several decades, America’s cops have increasingly
come to resemble ground troops. The consequences have been dire: the
home is no longer a place of sanctuary, the Fourth Amendment has been
gutted, and police today have been conditioned to see the citizens
they serve as an other—an enemy.
Today’s armored-up
policemen are a far cry from the constables of early America. The
unrest of the 1960s brought about the invention of the SWAT
unit—which in turn led to the debut of military tactics in the
ranks of police officers. Nixon’s War on Drugs, Reagan’s War on
Poverty, Clinton’s COPS program, the post–9/11 security state
under Bush and Obama: by degrees, each of these innovations expanded
and empowered police forces, always at the expense of civil
liberties. And these are just four among a slew of reckless
programs.
In Rise of the Warrior Cop, Balko shows how
politicians’ ill-considered policies and relentless declarations of
war against vague enemies like crime, drugs, and terror have blurred
the distinction between cop and soldier. His fascinating, frightening
narrative shows how over a generation, a creeping battlefield
mentality has isolated and alienated American police officers and put
them on a collision course with the values of a free society.
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Title:
Then It Fell Apart Series:
Non-Fiction Author: Moby Rating: 2 of
5 Stars Genre: Non-Fiction Pages:
382 Words: 119K Publish: 2019
Wikipedia
has this little bit to say about this book:
“The
memoir predominantly deals with Moby's life from 1999 to 2009 with
some flashbacks to his early childhood. In particular, the memoir
deals with his surprise at the accidental success of Play, his
descent into alcohol addiction, and his decision in 2007 to finally
go to rehab in order to stay sober.”
I read Moby’s
first memoir, Porcelain,
back in 2017. I enjoyed it and so when I was looking for non-fiction
books to fill up my non-fiction category, I found out Moby had
written a second memoir.
This book alternates
chapters from 1999 to 2008 and then from 1968 to the 80’s.
Moby claims to
remember stuff from 3 years old and on. Some of it pretty terrible in
fact. I can’t say he’s lying, but most kids do not remember
things from that age, not even the really bad stuff. The one thing
that bears him out though is his later behavior, which has all the
classic signs of an abuse victim. Then again, all one has to do is
take a Psych 101 class to learn what those behaviors are. The 1999
and on parts were about his meteoric rise to fame and then his
gradual descent. It was the typical shallow rockstar story of drugs,
alcohol and sex. The book ends with him going to an AA (Alcoholics
Anonymous) meeting and realizing that he did need help.
My problem is that
not once is there any sense of shame or regret. He goes through
people (not just girlfriends) like they are disposable. It was
exactly the same as how he wrote about people in Porcelain. A
name, a situation, then we never hear about them again. We don’t
hear how or why he stopped hanging out with them, beyond the
occasional “and I was a dick to them” general blabbings. It was
trademark narcissism. I was hoping since he’d gotten clean around
2008 that he’d grown up between then and writing this book. Sadly,
it seems he hadn’t.
He didn’t handle
fame very well and his drinking, drug use and promiscuity were simply
accelerated by it. This was a journal of self-destruction. I also had
my doubts about the accuracy of things portrayed. Memory is a porous
thing (hence my weekly journaling) and details are easy to
misremember OR to be remembered in a light that makes us feel better
about ourselves.
Overall, this felt
like I had been dragged through a sewer and had many, many instances
of second hand shame, as there wasn’t any on Moby’s part.
I had a large
collection of Moby’s work on hand while reading this and would have
it playing in the background. I listened to his earlier works, which
I didn’t care for, then his three big album hits (Play, 18 and
Hotel, with Play and 18 including the B-sides songs) which I did
enjoy quite a bit and then his later stuff which I once again did not
enjoy. It felt like he was a musician doing “musician’y” things
for his own enjoyment or other musicians rather than for the masses
like me. I can understand why those three albums made waves and I can
understand why his other stuff didn’t.
If Moby ever writes
a third memoir about getting cleaned up and his life after fame, I’ll
be tempted to read it. But I don’t know if I would or not. I can’t
take another book of non-repentance.
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Title:
As You Wish Series: ----- Author:
Cary Elwes & Joe Layden Rating: 3.5 of 5
Stars Genre: Non-Fiction Pages:
244 Words: 79K Publish: 2014
I
chose this because Mrs B and I had recently rewatched the movie The
Princess Bride and we enjoyed it so much (again!) that I decided to
upgrade my dvd to a bluray. When you buy something on Amazon they
immediately “suggest” other things you can also buy. This popped
up and I was already looking for more non-fiction to add to my list,
so voila! Here we are. The full title is
“As You Wish:
Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride”.
I think you can understand
why I didn’t include that subtitle :-)
If
nonfiction books are coffee, that strong, bitter, scalding hot that
perks you right up kind of reading, then this was a double latte
mocha soy frappucino with whipped cream on top and caramel syrup with
cinnamon sprinkles. It is “technically” still coffee, but the
reality is something else. That perfectly describes this book.
Frothy, sugary and light. It was yummy and delicious, but
there wasn’t one dark bitter taste like coffee should have.
This was a fun read
and considering everything, I can see why the authors went this
route. They weren’t out to tell all or dish the dirt, but to
enhance the positive about the movie. It does that job admirably.
Elwes relates little anecdotes that will make rewatching the movie
MORE fun as I’ll remember snippets here and there.
This was
deliberately not a critical take on the movie production. I kind of
wanted that because I always want the full picture of what went on in
the past. But that’s not what this is, so I just had to shrug and
accept it. I enjoyed it and had a good time, so it was in no way any
kind of failure. It just wasn’t the kind of non-fiction I want to
read very much of. I want something with a bit more weight.
★★★✬☆☆
From
the Publisher
Standing
on the stage for the twenty-fifth anniversary of The Princess
Bride, I felt an almost overwhelming sense of gratitude and
nostalgia. It was a remarkable night and it brought back vivid
memories of being part of what appears to have become a cult classic
film about pirates and princesses, giants and jesters, cliffs of
insanity, and of course rodents of unusual size.
In
this book I've gathered many more behind-the-scenes stories and
hopefully answers to many of the questions we've all received over
the years from fans. Additionally, Robin, Billy, Rob, and Mandy, as
well as Christopher Guest, Wallace Shawn, Fred Savage, Chris
Sarandon, Carol Kane, Norman Lear, and William Goldman graciously
share their own memories and stories from making this treasured film.
If
you'd like to know a little more about the making of The
Princess Bride as seen through the eyes of a young actor who got
much more than he bargained for, along with the rest of this
brilliant cast, then all I can say is...as you wish.
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Title:
Sacred Marriage Series: ----- Author:
Gary Thomas Rating: 3 of 5 Stars Genre:
Non-Fiction Pages: 324 Words:
83K Publish: 2000
I
am always on the lookout for Christian books that will help me in my
relationship to God, in my relationship to Mrs B and in my
relationship to everybody else. I am also always on the lookout for
non-fiction books that I can squeeze into my reading rotation because
I have such a hard time with non-fiction. One of the elders at the
Sunday church was talking about this book to me and was saying how it
really helped him change his perspective on his marriage and on how
God viewed his wife. It sounded very promising, so I hunted it down
and added it to my Calibre library. However, instead of just making
it be the odd duck out with the non-fiction tag, I decided that since
I wanted to read more non-fiction this year, I would actually read
more non-fiction this year. Not necessarily all deep works of
Theology or philosophy or Christian self-help, but just several books
that the ideas appealed to me. I spent several months coming up with
five other non-fiction books alongside this one. They range from the
celebrity bio to memoirs about a movie being made to shifts in
societal expectations of law and order. I have gathered them together
and put them into a Non-fiction folder on my Pocketbook and will now
be treating “Non-fiction” like any other series or author and
cycle through it each reading rotation. That is how I will read more
non-fiction each year. It’s going to be work to choose new ones but
just choosing one at a time over the months is something I CAN do.
With that out of the way, on to the review itself.
Yeah,
I wasn’t really impressed with this. I don’t know anything about
the author, but from everything he let slip, he’s either Roman
Catholic or some sort of Anglican (the protestant version of RC’s
just without the pope pretty much). His big beef was that through the
years and decades and centuries, Singlehood has always been viewed as
“more holy” than being married and he wanted to counter-act that.
Only the Roman Papists with their unbiblical call to being monks and
nuns take that view, as far as I know, so when I realized just what
the author was trying to accomplish, I felt like saying something
along the lines of “Brother, join the revolution! Luther had it
right.”
And
that is not to say that the author didn’t have anything good to
say. He did. He made some wonderful points about how being in a
marriage gives you chances to see yourself like God sees you, ie,
just how fallen you are and it gives you chances to express Christ’s
love more, ie, sacrificing your comfort to help your spouse. But he
was very big picture and big idea and I wanted some concrete ideas
that I could put into practice or at least try out, like in the book
Hedges
that I’ve read previously.
This
was not a waste of time at all, but this book did not help me like it
helped the Elder who had recommended it. That’s a big thing I am
finding with books like these. They do not and cannot help everyone
who reads them. So I keep on reading to find the books that ARE going
to help me more.
Finally,
this book was written explicitly to Christian men and women. If you
haven’t given your life to Jesus, this book will sound like the
worst kind of foolishness and will go counter to everything you hear
about taking care of yourself first. But if you are a Christian,
Thomas does an excellent job of showing just how marriage can bring
you closer to God and how it can make you more like God, even if only
in the abstract.
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Title:
What Is A Healthy Church? Series:
----- Author: Mark Dever Rating: 4 of
5 Stars Genre: Non-fiction Pages:
128 Words: 25K Publish: 2007
The
Sunday church read this together in the various small groups they
have a while back. Due to the groups meeting in the evenings, I just
didn’t have the ooomph to go, as I would end up falling asleep part
way through. That happened enough times in the previous year or so
that I gave up going. So I didn’t read this book with the group. I
think it would have been a fantastic book to read within a group
though.
First
thing to know is that Dever is approaching this from a VERY
Evangelical viewpoint. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it
is the lense through which he is viewing Scripture and how he
interprets what it means. I don’t think I actually disagreed with a
single point he made however.
This
was written for Christians. Not necessarily for old or new Believers,
but for anyone who calls themselves a Christian and wants to attend a
church.
I
thought the content was great. Like I said, I didn’t disagree with
anything. But the reason this isn’t getting 5stars is because of
how he laid things out. He would include snippets of Bible verses in
italics and then include the actual reference, but in bold, to
support the points he was making. It was incredibly hard to read
through as I kept getting jogged out my reading flow by the setup. I
guess it would be like I think, “therefore I am. But only on
Tuesdays” (Bookstooge
1:47). So
imagine each chapter being filled up like that. It was a big issue
for me and I really noticed it. I feel kind of bad about dinging a
whole star for it, but I was having to skip, hop and jump through the
book instead of walking or even running smoothly. Maybe if you were
taking one section at a time, like in a small group it wouldn’t be
such an issue.
But
to end, I am very glad I read this and would mightily recommend it
★★★★☆
From
the Publisher & Table of Contents
What
is an ideal church, and how can you tell?
How
does it look different from other churches? More importantly, how
does it act differently, especially in society? Many of us aren't
sure how to answer those questions, even though we probably have some
preconceived idea. But with this book, you don't have to wonder any
more.
Author
Mark Dever seeks to help believers recognize the key characteristics
of a healthy church: expositional preaching, biblical theology, and a
right understanding of the gospel. Dever then calls us to develop
those characteristics in our own churches. By following the example
of New Testament authors and addressing church members from pastors
to pew sitters, Dever challenges all believers to do their part in
maintaining the local church. What Is a Healthy Church? offers
timeless truths and practical principles to help each of us fulfill
our God-given roles in the body of Christ.
Toc: Series
Preface
Preface: A Parable Introduction:
What Are You Looking for in a Church?
Part
1: What Is a Healthy Church?
Chapter
1: Your Christianity and Your Church
Chapter 2: What a
Church Is . . . and Isn’t
Chapter 3: What Every Church
Should Aspire to Be: Healthy
Chapter 4: The Ultimate
How-to Guide: How to Display God’s Character
Quick Tips:
If You're Thinking about Leaving a Church . . .
Part
2: Essential Marks of a Healthy Church
Chapter
5: Expositional Preaching
Chapter 6: Gospel
Doctrine
Quick Tips: How to Find a Good Church
Part
3: Important Marks of a Healthy Church
Chapter
7: A Biblical Understanding of Conversion and Evangelism
Chapter
8: A Biblical Understanding of Membership
Chapter
9: Biblical Church Discipline
Chapter 10: Biblical
Discipleship and Growth
Chapter 11: Biblical Church
Leadership
Chapter 12: A Biblical Understanding and
Practice of Prayer
Chapter 13: A Biblical Understanding and
Practice of Missions
Conclusion: Where the Rubber Meets the
Road
Appendix:
A Typical Covenant of a Healthy Church Special
Thanks
General Index
Scripture Index
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Title:
His Face Like Mine Series: ----- Author:
Russell Joyce Rating: Unrated Genre:
Non-Fiction Pages: 217 Words:
65K Publish: 2024
I
am not rating this book because it was not written for me at all, not
one tiny bit. It was written for Christians who are wondering if God
does love them, or even can. This book is for people who feel that
God doesn’t or can’t love them. Hurt people, broken people, who
cannot see and accept the Truth. It is for the people who are so
badly broken that they need to feel the Truth.
The
author is a skinny jean wearing, latte sipping, new york city pastor
seeing a therapist. He was born with a rare disorder where half his
face wasn’t formed and spent years with reconstructive surgery.
Even now, he knows he’ll always draw stares. He was broken from the
get-go and the longer he lived, the more pain he experienced. This is
his story of how God overcame that lifetime’s worth of pain and
made Russell feel His love.
I
am not rating this book because there are people in just such a
position as this author and this might very well give them exactly
what they need in their Christian walk. I cried during almost every
chapter while reading this. It was emotionalism ramped up.
Christianity
is about the Truth. We are emotional beings and God created us that
way, it’s not a bad thing. Those emotions get twisted and broken
and so completely screwed up that it takes God’s intervention. But
that NEVER changes the Truth. How I feel doesn’t affect the Truth
of the Gospel. It might affect how I react to the Gospel, but the
Center doesn’t change. What concerns me is that Russell seems to be
hewing pretty close to the line of saying that your feelings dictate
the reality of the Gospel. He definitely is one of those people who
“has” to have an emotional experience to think he’s worshipping
God. Give him a hymn and he’ll sing it and be like “That’s
nice”. Then give him a contemporary worship song where he’s
jumping around and dancing and he’ll be all like “Praise Jesus!”
He can’t seem to worship without an emotional experience. The
problem is that CCM is built around exciting the emotions and is
false worship.
When
you are as broken as Russell was, you need to feel the love of God. I
don’t know that you could experience it any other way. But when
you’re a bit more emotionally healthy, it’s time to control your
emotions and not let them run riot through your life. God doesn’t
want your emotions controlling your life any more than He wants food
or drink or sex or money controlling your life.
I
would only recommend this book to the people who are so broken that
this is all they can take at the moment. For them, I suspect it will
be a true balm to their souls. For anyone else, stay away from this.
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Title: If Only He Knew Series: —– Author: Gary Smalley Rating: 4 of 5 Stars Genre: Non-Fiction Pages: 192 Words: 53K
I read books like this, like Hedges, like Making Love Last Forever, not because I have ever felt that Mrs B and I have been on the rocks relationally, but because I want to do everything in my power to prevent us from ever getting onto the rocks in the first place. Preventative steps are always easier to take than the steps needed when divorce is a real possibility.
I feel like I could take the following quote and have it sum up the book, for me:
“If a couple has been married for more than five years, all of the husband’s emotional unhappiness is 100 percent his fault. In other words, your feelings of unhappiness in your marriage are directly traceable to the beliefs you have placed within your own heart.” ~Chapter 5, Climbing out of Marriage’s Deepest Pit
That’s a tough statement right there. But you know what? Men NEED those tough statements. At the same time, Smalley is writing exclusively to men. This is not a book for a woman to buy her husband and casually leave it on the coffee table in hopes he’ll read it and become the man she wants him to be. Smalley has a book for women called For Better or For Best. I have no plans to ever read that book, it’s not for me. This book however, is for men who want to enrich their relationship with their wives, fix their relationships with their wives or recover their relationship with their ex-wives. The thing is, the man has to want to, or nothing in this book is going to help.
Smalley also makes it a huge part of everything that the only person you can change in your marriage is you. Do not spend the time, effort and energy to change your wife. Change yourself into the man God wants you to be and the man your wife needs. This is very much about sacrificial love on the husband’s part. I wish I could emphasize that to the heavens itself. A husband is called to sacrifice himself for his wife, just like Jesus sacrificed Himself for the Church (Christians). There is no getting around that.
If you are a list kind of guy, there are lots and lots of checklists. One chapter had over 100 things to ask/question/check. It was daunting and I must admit, I skipped it. There were smaller ones though that I assiduously read.
Reading this made more thankful than ever that I am married to Mrs B. She is a dedicated Christian, has set herself to follow Christ and because of her willingness to be more Christlike and less self oriented, has made our relationship so much better. I am reaping the rewards of her faithfulness. Some of those checklists I was like “Phhhht, Mrs B doesn’t do ANY of these issues” and I was immensely grateful. I hope I can be the husband she needs, as she is very much the wife I need. At the same time, even with 16 years of marriage under our belts, we still have a lot of learning to do. It brings to mind an instance that occurred just a couple of months ago. I am a very “Words” oriented person. I use words to show people that I love them, that I care about them, that they matter to me (which is why a “silent treatment” is the worst thing I can ever imagine doing to someone). Mrs B on the other hand is very much a touch oriented person. She likes giving hugs, shaking hands, etc. That is completely foreign to me. Well, one day I came home from work and I could tell Mrs B had had a very bad day at work. So I can began asking her how her day went, how she was feeling, if there was anything I could do for her. She finally exploded (her version of it anyway) with “Words, word, words! Just give me a hug!” Ever since then, I make sure to give her a hug when I come home BEFORE asking her all my “words” questions. Loving my wife also means knowing just what love is to my wife. I also make sure she knows I am not just going through the motions with that hug. When I hug her, she knows it! 😀
Smalley ends the book on a warning note however. Never become complacent, never coast. A marriage is not a static relationship. It is a changing thing where you are either growing closer or further apart from each other. Smalley encourages men to make sure they are doing their best to grow closer to their wives. I thought it was a great way to end the book.
★★★★☆
Table of Contents – click to open
1. How to Drive Your Wife Away Without Even Trying 9
2. Where Have All the Feelings Gone? 25
3. If Your Wife Doesn’t Win First Place, You Lose! 39
4. Your Wife Needs Your Shoulder, Not Your Mouth 53
5. Climbing Out of Marriage’s Deepest Pit 67
6. What No Woman Can Resist 97
7. What Women Admire Most About Men 107
8. If Your Wife’s Not Protected, You Get Neglected 117
9. Arguments … There’s a Better Way 129
10. A Successful Marriage … It’s Easier Than You Think 143
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Making Love Last Forever Series: Author: Gary Smalley Rating: 4 of 5 Stars Genre: Non-Fiction Pages: 304 Words: 99K
First, lets get the elephant in the room out of the room. That cover is pure 90’s Self-Help and it doesn’t do the book any favors whatsoever. I know that Smalley is not a vain man (more than any other man I mean) but this makes him look like some greased up shyster on a used car lot. It is too bad because this is a very helpful book on a lot of levels. I also have thought ALL these years that Smalley was the author of one of the books that changed my life, The Five Love Languages, so I gave him a lot of leeway. Upon finishing this book I realized that a “Gary Chapman” had written that book and that Smalley had nothing to do with it. Oh, what a let down that was.
Smalley is a professional counselor and does/did counseling in an office, in seminars, through video series and in books. He set out to reach as many people as he could and I think he succeeded in his mission.
Smalley is a Christian but his principles are general-use and while geared towards those who believe in Jesus, are still effective and ecumenical enough for anyone. He also only brings God into things as a “and if you want it to work even better, try….”. I never felt that he was a pushy Evangelical writing a theological treatise under the guise of a self-help book. Smalley genuinely cares for people and couples and wants what is best for them.
The book is filled with anecdotes from his own life, from people he has counseled and from other situations he has been in. While he might seem to go on tangents at time, he is always very good about bringing things right back to the theme of that particular chapter. He also has very good generalized advice and everything is aimed at the reader of the book. It’s not about trying to change your spouse, or make “them” better. Smalley says Love starts with us and it is our responsibility to carry out the duties of Love even if things are bad. This delves a lot into attitudes and stuff going on inside of a person. Which I must admit sometimes annoyed me because I wanted a Concrete List of things To Do. And what do you know, at the end of each chapter he has a list of things that Forever Love does, or does not do, that tie into the theme of that chapter. By the end of the book there were close to 150 bullet points in the list. That is exactly what I wanted.
I liked the fact that was so focused on the reader. In my marriage, the only thing I can truly change is myself. I can try to control Mrs B, or our circumstances or events, but that will destroy things quicker than anything. Plus, it’s exhausting trying to live two people’s lives. Smalley brings out that it simply isn’t viable, besides the fact that it goes against everything that Love actually is. So what can I do in my marriage to make things better? Focus on those things and don’t worry about what you can’t. I’m sure other people reading the book will get different things, but that is what stood out to me.
I’ve written about Love (Smalley uses the term Forever Love) here but wanted to define just what that is. Otherwise it becomes a nebulous “whatever” that can be manipulated. The following comes from the first book of Corinthians, chapter 13:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends.
★★★★☆
From the Publisher
Click to Open
For years Gary Smalley has helped millions of couples throughout North America enrich their relationships and deepen their bonds of love and companionship. In this extraordinary book, he shows you how to stay in love through all the stages of life. From first attraction to lifelong commitment, Gary’s proven techniques and practical advice show you how to pursue and keep the love you want, and how to energize your relationship with enduring, passion-filled love.
In this book you’ll learn how to:
Understand and use love’s best-kept secret
Deal with the number one enemy of love
Turn headaches into more love
Increase your energy to keep loving
Find the power to keep on loving your spouse
Use normal conflicts as doorways to intimacy
Read a woman’s built-in marriage manual twelve ways
Divorce-proof your marriage
Develop the five vital signs of a healthy marriage
Respond to your partner’s number one request
Find the powerful secret to great love
Bring out the best in your maddening mate
With humor, empathy, and insight, Gary Smalley inspires you to fall in love with life and enjoy the deep satisfaction of a lifelong love. Down-to-earth examples, touching personal experiences, and inspiring spiritual principles will motivate you to bring about positive changes in your marriage-whether or not your mate is a willing participant. You’ll learn how to tap resources at hand to help you follow through with your journey-and make your love last forever.
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: A Confession Series: (The Russians) Author: Leo Tolstoy Translator: Aylmer Maude Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars Genre: Nonfiction Pages: 83 Words: 25K
The synopsis from Wikipedia is filled with wild surmises and assumptions that I totally disagree with, especially all the crap about Tolstoy somehow viewing God from a pantheistic viewpoint. Someone with an axe to grind wrote that instead of someone who just wanted to factually write what the novella was about. This is why I don’t trust Wikipedia, it’s a damn cesspit. But it is easier to copy/paste that than to try to write out my own synopsis, so this is just a disclaimer that I’m using their synopsis, but under very loud and vociferous protest. But mainly because I’m lazy.
This was the journey of one man who went from a children’s belief in Christianity, to Unbelief, to Church Orthodoxy to his own belief in Jesus Christ.
Really, this was just a slightly updated version of the book of Ecclesiastes (from the Bible). In that, The Preacher (most people figure it is King Solomon) talks about his loss of faith and how useless life is and how he sets out to find the meaning of life. Tolstoy does the same thing, but in a very russian way.
My biggest issue with this was how he almost never references the Bible itself in his searchings. He goes to all these various teachers and dogmas, but not the Bible itself, which the teachings and dogmas are based on. Or if he does, he doesn’t mention it but it really doesn’t seem like he goes to the source. Another part is that I don’t have the same experience as him. I took my Christianity very seriously from the time I was twelve. By the time I was sixteen I knew that I wanted to follow Jesus Christ whole heartedly and by the time I was twenty-two I knew I was on the correct path. The last 20+ years have been my various trials, tribulations, rejoicings and victories as I’ve continued to trod that path. Tolstoy didn’t have the same foundation and thus had to travel a very different path from me. I suspect this novella might speak much louder to someone who is in the midst of their own doubts about the meaning of life.
The translator, Aylmer Maude, added several footnotes that I found very helpful. While I have no idea if his translation is correct or not (I would hope so, as he was translating some very complex theological ideas), the fact his footnotes were clear, concise, to the point and were actually helpful makes me think his translation was a good one.
To end, while I am not a subscriber to various catechisms, I do think they have their place. And in this regards, this particular catechist(?) is apropos:
What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him for ever.
That folks, is the meaning of your life and the only way to do that is through the Son of God, Jesus Christ.
★★★✬☆
From Wikipedia.org
Click to Open
The book is a brief autobiographical story of the author’s struggle with a mid-life existential crisis. It describes his search for the answer to the ultimate philosophical question: “If God does not exist, since death is inevitable, what is the meaning of life?” Without the answer to this, for him, life had become “impossible”.
The story begins with the Eastern fable of the dragon in the well. A man is chased by a beast into a well, at the bottom of which is a dragon. The man clings to a branch that is being gnawed on by two mice (one black, one white, representing night and day and the relentless march of time). The man is able to lick two drops of honey (representing Tolstoy’s love of his family and his writing), but because death is inevitable, he no longer finds the honey sweet.
Tolstoy goes on to describe four possible attitudes towards this dilemma. The first is ignorance. If one is oblivious to the fact that death is approaching, life becomes bearable. The problem with this for him personally is that he is not ignorant. Having become conscious of the reality of death, there is no going back.
The second possibility is what Tolstoy describes as Epicureanism. Being fully aware that life is ephemeral, one can enjoy the time one has. Tolstoy’s problem with this is essentially moral. He states that Epicureanism may work fine and well for the minority who can afford to live “the good life,” but one would have to be morally empty to be able to ignore the fact that the vast majority of people do not have access to the wealth necessary to live this kind of life.
Tolstoy next states that the most intellectually honest response to the situation would be suicide. In the face of the inevitability of death and assuming that God does not exist, why wait? Why pretend that this vale of tears means anything when one can just cut to the chase? For himself, however, Tolstoy writes that he is “too cowardly” to follow through on this most “logically consistent” response.
Finally, Tolstoy says that the fourth option, the one he is taking, is the one of just holding on; living “despite the absurdity of it,” because he is not willing “or able” to do anything else. So it seems “utterly hopeless” – at least “without God”.
So Tolstoy turns to the question of God’s existence: After despairing of his attempts to find answers in classic philosophical arguments for the existence of God (e.g. the Cosmological Argument, which reasons that God must exist based on the need to ascribe an original cause to the universe), Tolstoy turns to a more mystical, intuitive affirmation of God’s presence. He states that as soon as he said “God is Life,” life was once again suffused with meaning. This faith could be interpreted as a Kierkegaardian leap, but Tolstoy actually seems to be describing a more Eastern approach to what God is. The identification of God with life suggests a more monistic (or panentheistic) metaphysic characteristic of Eastern religions, and this is why[citation needed] rational arguments ultimately fall short of establishing God’s existence. Tolstoy’s original title for this work indicates as much, and his own personal “conversion” is suggested by an epilogue that describes a dream he had some time after completing the body of the text, confirming that he had undergone a radical personal and spiritual transformation.
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Hedges Series: ———- Author: Jerry Jenkins Rating: 4 of 5 Stars Genre: Christian Self-help Pages: 173 Words: 50K
Part One was warning stories and showing how even good Christians can be taken unaware. It was nothing new to me but was a very good reminder of how little things can be turned into big things, so stop them when they are still little.
Jenkins also talks about what the Bible says about protecting your marriage. It came across like he was writing to people who had never read the Bible. Which I guess, sadly, is the case in too many Christian’s lives. I found myself repeating “Well duh, of course the Bible says that.”
Finally, in part one, he talks about how people willfully blind themselves to their actions and the consequences of those actions. He points out how much damage is done by people just doing what they want instead of what they know they should.
Part Two is where he discusses some of the hedges he has planted over the years in his life (he was about 40 when he originally wrote this). He outlines why he did each one and references earlier warning stories to show where the lack of a hedge leads to.
I found almost everything he wrote about were things I was already doing. Whether from my upbringing and training in the KCM church or my own innate inability to be around people long term, I was doing and had been doing, since my early 20’s. Most of it seemed like common sense to be honest, but once again Jenkins seems to be writing to people who have never thought about the subject. I guess I was hoping for something new and startling. That’s the problem with a lot of these Christian books, they are talking to the lowest common denominator and I wanted more. Of course, living the way I have, and do, has saved me from so much trouble and problems. I need to be thankful for that blessing.
It was a good refresher course though, to be reminded to keep on cultivating those hedges and to not let them wither and die away. Jenkins also talked about some of the positive, proactive hedges he has put in place, like remembering the good times and spending enough time together. Some hedges are passive while others require an active participation on our part. I was glad to read those bits.
The Final Part was dealing with with families with kids and some of the things a father can and should do regarding their kids to prepare them for their own marriages.
This was a very personal and personable book. Jenkins unapologetically makes his statements to men. This is a book by a man, about men, for men. It took me back at first, as we’re so used to things being for everyone nowadays, but it was refreshing. Men need to be active in their relationships and they need advice tailored to them. It is why mentoring is so important.
Overall, this was a good book but it did not have as much “new to me” info as I was hoping. A solid 4star book and one I would highly recommend to any man, the younger the better. It also adds a notch to my Non-fiction belt. I’m pretty proud of that fact. ~does the Rocky victory lap~
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: In Defense of the Second Amendment Series: ———- Author: Larry Correia Rating: 5 of 5 Stars Genre: Non-Fiction Pages: 190 Words: 68K
I included a tiny bit of a review from someone on Devilreads (down below under the details tag) because the couple of sentences sets the tone for what I’m writing here. It’s also a distinctly AMERICAN book, as it deals exclusively with our Second Amendment. Here is the Second Amendment in its entirety:
“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
Correia ends the book with the declaration that self-defense is the right of every single human being, whether American or not, and that from this right springs the 2nd Amendment. That is where I would start. I already knew I was going to go agree with Correia, because I also believe in a literal interpretation of the 2A. I didn’t read this to change my mind or to even hear an echo chamber, but for the expert opinion of someone who has dealt with this issue from many sides (personal gun owner, gun trainer, gun seller, specialized gun seller) and know the legality of what is going on.
40% of this book is Correia backing up his statements with documentation. So while reading it might come across as “Larry says….”, there are footnotes galore documenting and backing up the statements he is making. That is important. It turns it from just a mere opinion puff piece into something that has actual weight and bearing on the issue.
This was released in ‘22 and as such, many of the instances he references are from the last 5-10 years. That makes it immediately relevant and gives us the nuts and bolts of how things are working, RIGHT NOW. Not how they are supposed to work, or people wish they worked, but how they actually are. That is important when dealing with people who are making claims about gun control and how it works. He also has a whole section on media bias and the “good guy with a gun” myth (which isn’t a myth).
While reading this I made many, many highlights on my kindle. My thought was that I could do that instead of taking paper notes and simply go and look at them and automagically somehow get them into this review. It doesn’t work that way unless your kindle is connected to the cloud and I deliberately keep mine offline so amazon can’t update it and ruin everything (which has happened and continues to happen with most amazon updates to their hardware). But I made highlights. Next time I read this I’ll be sure to take my notes on paper. And yes, I am already planning on re-reading this next year. I think it would be a good companion to my American Independence Day posts, because an armed populace is the very reason why the federal government hasn’t become more of a monstrous tyranny than it already is.
This is also my first non-fiction of 2023. If I’m lucky I’ll manage to sneak one more in before years end. Anybody have any suggestions? I’m wide open.
★★★★★
From the Publisher & Devilreads
“In Defense of the Second Amendment is a book that people who are either for gun rights or are ambivalent about them. If you are entrenched and in favor of gun control, you likely won’t enjoy or get much out of this book. That’s because this book takes almost every gun control argument and deconstructs it thoroughly.”
~David Broussard
What Part of the Second Amendment Don’t You Understand?
That’s the question posed by award-winning, New York Times bestselling author, and professional firearms instructor, Larry Correia.
Bringing with him the practical experience that comes from having owned a high-end gun store—catering largely to law enforcement—and as a competitive shooter and self-defense trainer, Correia blasts apart the emotion-laden, logic-free rhetoric of the gun control fanatics who turn every “mass shooting” into a crazed call for violating your rights, abusing the Constitution—and doing absolutely nothing to really fight crime.
In his essential new book, In Defense of the Second Amendment, Correia reveals:
Why “gun-free” zones are more dangerous for law-abiding citizens
How the Second Amendment does indeed include your right to own an AR-15—and why that’s not an “outdated” concept
Why “red flag” laws don’t work, can be easily abused, and ignore a much more commonsensical approach to keeping guns out of the wrong hands
The insanity of “criminal justice reform” that frees dangerous criminals and “gun reform” that penalizes your right to self-defense
How we can return to a society that has a safe and healthy relationship with guns—as we had for most of our history
Correia’s promise: “Believe me, I’ve heard every argument relating to gun control possible. I can show you how to defend your rights.”
Urgent, informed, with vitally important information for whoever who owns a gun—or is thinking about owning a gun—or who cares about the preservation of our constitutional rights, In Defense of the Second Amendment is a landmark book of enduring importance.
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission Title: Gulag Archipelago, Vol. 3 Series: Gulag Archipelago Authors: Alexander Solzhenitsyn Rating: 4 of 5 Stars Genre: Non-fiction Pages: 537 Words: 229.5K
This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Bethink Yourselves Series: (The Russians) Author: Leo Tolstoy Translator: Ayimer Maude Rating: 1 of 5 Stars Genre: Essay Pages: 60 DNF / 30 Words: 15K DNF / 7.5K
Synopsis:
An essay against war. DNF’d at 50%.
My Thoughts:
I a not sure that I would have liked Tolstoy as a person after my attempt to read this short essay. Tolstoy and I would both agree that war is bad, but where we differ is that he didn’t believe it was necessary while I most certainly think it is (I wonder what he would have thought about Hitler?).
The reason I just quit this in disgust though was Tolstoy’s repeated attempts at categorizing war as explicitly anti-Christian, ie, there was no way to justify being a Christian AND to fight in a war. He doesn’t even address the idea of a Just War but just throws it out the window without even examining it (at least in the half of the essay I read). He repeatedly bangs the drum of “Thou Shalt Not Murder” (the 6th Commandment given by God Himself to humanity) but ignores the fact that God sent Israel on wars of conquest as punishment against the Canaanite nations. It wasn’t so much that Tolstoy was anti-war that disgusted me but that he was proof texting (basing a conclusion on one or two Bible verses without looking at what the Bible as a whole has to say about a subject) and doing it very badly.
The movie Hacksaw Ridge shows what a lot of 7th Day Adventists did (and do) about this situation. They are Conscientious Objectors but they still participate in a war overall. Desmond Doss was a medic in the army but wouldn’t carry a gun. Tolstoy doesn’t even consider options like this but is All or Nothing with him being on the Nothing side of the equation.
I’ve had glimpses of Tolstoy’s philosophy in his novels but this was the first time I’ve been exposed to it directly. Not a fan. I just hope this doesn’t affect my enjoyment of his novels.
