Shrek 2 (2004 Movie)

This was a direct sequel to Shrek and was released in 2004. All the excruciating details are under the details code at the end.

I enjoyed this movie a lot. While it is a bit shallower in terms of storyline, it is vastly more amusing (in my opinion) as the parody of other movies really ramps up.

My favorite scene is when a group of the fairytale creatures are rescuing Shrek, Donkey and Puss-n-Boots and Pinocchio goes wire diving to the Mission Impossible music just like Tom Cruise did in the original MI movie. Of course, this being a Shrek movie, he gets all tangled up and tied at the end. So he has to lie so Gingie the gingerbread man can run along his nose to unlock Shrek. The whole scene just keeps me in stitches even after having watched it uncounted times. Ahhh, good times.

The whole thrust of the movie about accepting your family and yourself was laid on with a thick stick, but really, I didn’t mind it as I didn’t feel like it was thrust down my throat at every turn, unlike some movies today.

The introduction of Prince Charming as the vain and self-centered jerk was perfect. He was good enough that he’ll be in the next film as the main villain in fact.

Newlyweds Shrek and Princess Fiona return from their honeymoon to find they have been invited by Fiona’s parents to a royal ball to celebrate their marriage. Shrek initially refuses to attend, but Fiona convinces him, and along with Donkey, they travel to the kingdom of Far Far Away. They meet Fiona’s parents, King Harold and Queen Lillian, who are shocked to see the ogres, with Harold particularly repulsed. At dinner, Shrek and Harold get into a heated argument, and Fiona, disgusted at their behavior, locks herself away in her room. Shrek worries that he is losing Fiona, particularly after finding her childhood diary and reading that she was once infatuated with Prince Charming.

Harold is secretly reprimanded by the Fairy Godmother, as her son, Prince Charming, was to marry Fiona in exchange for Harold’s own happy ending. She orders him to get rid of Shrek, so Harold arranges for Puss in Boots to assassinate him under the guise of a hunting trip. Unable to defeat Shrek, Puss reveals that he was paid by Harold and offers to be an ally. Shrek, Donkey, and Puss sneak into the Fairy Godmother’s factory and steal a “Happily Ever After” potion that Shrek thinks will make him good enough for Fiona. Shrek and Donkey both drink the potion but nothing happens. Shrek laments before he and Donkey both suddenly fall asleep. Meanwhile, in Far Far Away, Fiona prepares to find Shrek so they can return home, but she too falls asleep.

The following morning, the potion transforms Shrek and Fiona into humans, and Donkey into a white stallion. In order to make the change permanent, Shrek must kiss Fiona by midnight. Shrek, Donkey, and Puss return to the castle. However, the Fairy Godmother, having discovered the theft, has sent Charming to pose as Shrek and win Fiona’s love. At the Fairy Godmother’s urging, Shrek leaves the castle, believing that the best way to make Fiona happy is to let her go.

Fiona does not reciprocate Charming’s advances, so to ensure she falls in love with Charming, the Fairy Godmother gives Harold a love potion to put into Fiona’s tea. This exchange is overheard by Shrek, Donkey, and Puss, who are arrested by the royal knights after Donkey inadvertently exposes them. While the royal ball begins, friendly fairy-tale creatures rescue the trio from jail, and they storm the castle with the help of a monstrous living gingerbread man created by the Muffin Man.

Shrek fails to prevent Charming from kissing Fiona, but instead of falling in love, Fiona knocks him out; Harold reveals that he swapped Fiona’s tea that has the love potion with another tea. The now-enraged Fairy Godmother tries to kill Shrek with her magic wand, but Harold jumps in front of it; the spell ricochets off his armor and disintegrates her. With the Fairy Godmother gone, Harold reverts into the Frog Prince. Harold apologizes, admitting to using the “Happily Ever After” potion years earlier to gain Lillian’s love, and approves Shrek and Fiona’s marriage. Lillian assures Harold that she still loves him. As the clock strikes midnight, Fiona rejects Shrek’s offer to remain human, and they revert into ogres, while Donkey also returns to normal. In the mid-credits scene, Dragon, who had previously married Donkey, reveals that they now have several dragon-donkey hybrid babies.

The Dungeons & Dragons Book Tag

Originally created by the Witty & Sarcastic Bookclub

Barbarian: In a simplified nutshell, barbarians are fighters whose anger can give them a berserker state of mind: think an overdose of adrenalin allowing someone to do the nigh impossible.

Name a character with a temper:

Jerome, from Way-farer. It’s what leads him to kill one of the fabled “Grandfathers” and find out they are nothing more than a deception of the Mushin keeping humanity shackled as cattle.

---

Bard: Bards use music and song to either help or hinder. Music is massively important to them, and can give them power.

Name a book/character for which music is important:

Porcelain by the musician Moby. Music was kind of his life

---

Cleric: “A priestly champion who wields divine magic in service of a higher power” (D&D Player’s Handbook)

Name a book/character for which religion plays a large role:

Gavin Guile from The Burning White. The author has a whole chapter with Gavin talking to the Creator on some pretty serious subjects. It’s not your usual Hollywood religion-lite crap.

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Druid: Druids are representative of nature. They get their power- healing, magical spells, etc.- from either the land itself or from a nature deity. 

Name a Book where nature plays an important role:

Sentenced to Prism. The 2 main characters find out that life on Prism is integrally linked together and they themselves become part of that link by the end of the book.

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Fighter: A fighter relies on physical skill. They are often good with a weapon and can function as a pretty good meat shield.

Name a book with great fight scenes:

Dune.. The scene between Paul Maud’dib and his cousin Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen. While not a chapter long fight, it conveys exactly what the author wants. That is important.

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Magic Users: Dungeons and Dragons features Warlocks, Wizards, and Sorcerers. Each is different, but I’m lumping them together for the purposes of this tag. The name is self-explanatory: a user of magic.

Name a book or character with cool magic:

The Swords from Fred Saberhagen’s Book of Swords. 12 Magical swords created by the gods that end up being powerful enough to kill the gods.

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Paladin: A holy warrior.

Name a character with strong convictions:

Anakin Skywalker in the novelization of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. While it led him down to the dark side, he was convinced every step of the way that he was doing the correct thing. He became known as the Dark Lord for it. An Unholy Paladin if you will.

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Ranger: Hunters, wilderness survivors, and protectors, rangers are often what stand between civilization and the monsters that live in the wild.

Name a character that is in tune with the wild.

Nonnus, a mage shaman hermit from the Lord of the Isles series. While he dies, he teaches Sharina everything he knows about surviving in hostile lands.

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Rogue: Rogues use stealth and cunning to defeat their foes or prevail in a situation. 

Name a book or character with cunning:

The Rogues series in the Forgotten Realms immediately sprang to mind.

• All of My “Tag” Posts

Asterix and the Soothsayer (Asterix #19) ★★★☆☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Asterix and the Soothsayer
Series: Asterix #19
Authors: Goscinny & Uderzo
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 53
Words: 3K

From Asterix.fandom.com

One stormy day, the Gauls — with the exception of Getafix, who is at his annual druid meeting — are huddled in the chief’s hut, fearing for their lives. But then, a man enters the hut in a burst of lightning – it is a soothsayer, who promptly proceeds to see the future for our superstitious Gauls. He predicts that “when the storm is over, the weather will improve.” But not all are impressed; Asterix alone dares question the qualities of this soothsayer, who is in fact a fraud.

Although Asterix can see this, not everyone is convinced, most notably Impedimenta, the chief’s wife. Partly out of superstition and partly out of personal ambition, she convinces the soothsayer (known also by the name “Prolix”) to remain in official hiding near the village, where she and the other villagers may question him at will. The only two whom she will not permit into the forest are Asterix and Obelix. Obelix in particular has a grudge against the soothsayer, who has threatened to kill Dogmatix in order to examine his guts for predictions of the future.

When Obelix finally thwarts Impedimenta and enters the forest, he finds Prolix there and chases him up a tree. When he threatens to uproot it, Prolix puts him off by claiming to see a vision of a beautiful woman who loves warriors matching Obelix’ description. Obelix returns to the village and almost instantly falls for Mrs. Geriatrix.

Prolix meanwhile is arrested by a strictly rule-abiding Roman Optio (a senior officer). The Optio brings Prolix before the Centurion, who decides to make use of the imposter’s persuasive voice.

Back in the forest Impedimenta and Asterix have within moments of each other discovered the absence of the soothsayer, causing consternation among the villagers who were told by the soothsayer that the gods would put a curse on them if anything untowards happened to him. Being that Obelix has been beguiled by Prolix’s ironically accurate description of Mrs. Geriatrix (not mentioned by name), Asterix finds himself standing alone. Prolix returns at that moment, claiming dramatically that soon the air in the village will become polluted by a divine curse. Terrified, most of the villagers leave their home, to wait on a nearby island for the curse to run its course, as if it were a quarantined virus. Asterix, Obelix, and Dogmatix stay behind.

The Romans soon arrive to investigate the village, while the Gauls hide in the local undergrowth. Unknown to either, Getafix has completed his conference (which seems to be a facsimile of a twentieth-century scientific conference) and returned. Hearing of the situation, he concocts a witty plan by which to drive out the Romans and teach the villagers a lesson. Using a number of unidentified ingredients in his cauldron, the Druid literally raises such a stink that even the powerful Obelix is affected. The fumes spread to the village, expelling the Romans, Prolix, and Cacofonix the Bard who had sneaked back to find his lyre.

Prolix is baffled: the seeming fulfillment of his prediction has set him to wondering if he is becoming a real soothsayer. On the other hand, the appearance of the foul air has cemented the Centurion’s faith in his oracle. He sends word to Caesar that all of Gaul is now conquered (“All?” “All.”). But, like Crismus Bonus of Asterix the Gaul, he begins to desire the Imperial Throne for himself. To pass the time, therefore, he has the soothsayer tell him exaggerated stories of the luxuries emperors enjoy.

Meanwhile, Getafix joins the other villagers on the island to explain the Truth. Here we see a reference to the priestly role of the Druid, when Vitalstatistix begs Getafix to “appease the anger of the Gods, which has fallen upon our poor village.” To which Getafix replies “Nonsense!” and proceeds to demonstrate what is really going on.

Inspired by this, the villagers go home, while the Romans deal with their own problems. The Optio is himself confused, because even though the Centurion is convinced that Prolix is a genuine soothsayer, the Optio’s own observations tell him otherwise. Though upright and law-enforcing, he is not intellectual and finds himself thoroughly perplexed by the simplest of contradictions. Even his inferior officers regard him as an “idiot”.

In the village, trouble is still present. Impedimenta and her fellow women are not convinced that Prolix was a cheat, partly because he only foretold pleasant things for them, such as a business partnership between Vitalstatistix and Impedimenta’s brother Homeopathix, each of whom considers the other an arrogant dope.

Asterix has an idea; they might give the soothsayer a surprise, to prove that his predictions are not genuine. The surprise is quite simple: the Gaulish men and women will attack the Roman camp together. The plan is successful: the Gauls arrive at the camp and Prolix admits that he had no idea that they were coming. This convinces Impedimenta who beats the Centurion and the soothsayer with a rolling pin, causing her husband Vitalstatistix to look on her with an almost patronizing pride.

Returning to the village, the Gauls meet an envoy of Caesar’s who has come to check on the Centurion’s claim that the village is conquered. They beat him and his escort up.

The envoy, Bulbus Crocus, goes to the camp and faces the Centurion: “AND LOOK WHAT YOUR CONQUERED GAULS DID TO US, BY JUPITER!” He reduces the centurion to a common soldier, and, when the ex-centurion reflexively tries to give the Optio an order, the Optio rebukes him for his tone to a superior officer and orders him to sweep out the camp alone.

Prolix, who has been taking a lot of yelling from the now-ex Centurion over being a fraud, leaves the camp swearing to give up soothsaying at the risk of having the sky fall on his head, whereupon Rain-God, Taranis, sends down a thunderstorm.

The Gaulish village, however, is soon at peace, enjoying themselves for the present and not worrying about the future – with the exception of Cacofonix, who still dreams about being a famous singer.

---

Considering how the foolish the villagers act on a regular basis, it was pretty obvious the route this story was going to go. And it went exactly how I figured. That’s not necessarily a bad thing but when a story is predictable down to even the pirates getting sunk by the gauls in rowboats, well, it takes a bit of the fun out of things.

Part of the problem is that these books were originally written for children. The story lines thus would be all new to them and the problems I have wouldn’t be an issue for them at all. I don’t fault Goscinny and Uderzo for their story telling, I’m just disappointed because I wanted a fully mature story line and I’m never going to truly get that with an Asterix book. Oh well.

But passing that over, this was fun to read. The back and forth between the Centurion and his next in command about whether Prollix was a genuine soothsayer or a fraud was enough to make your head spin, but it was on the nose in terms of humor.

★★★☆☆

• All of My “Asterix” Reviews

Conan the Triumphant (Conan the Barbarian) ★★★☆☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Conan the Triumphant
Series: Conan the Barbarian
Author: Robert Jordan
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 203
Words: 70K

From Conan.fandom.com/

Conan guides his army of mercenaries into Ianthe, capital of Ophir, where they become entangled in the chaos ensuing from the death of King Valdric. The factions of Antimides, Valentius, and Lady Synelle (Countess of Asmark) all contest for the throne. Synelle is secretly a sorceress and the high priestess of a nearly-forgotten demon god known as Al’Kiir. Al’Kiir was imprisoned within the depths of a mountain, called Tor Al’Kiir, centuries before by a mage named Avanrakash. However, Synelle plans on releasing him by providing Al’Kiir a “bride” through human sacrifice and enlist his power in obtaining the throne.

Conan comes into Synelle’s attention after he buys an idol of Al’Kiir, which she believes can be used in reviving her god. She plan on obtaining the idol, sending various agents to steal it and bewitching the Cimmerian into enlisting in her service. This attachment is complicated by Conan’s interest in Julia, a young noblewoman reduced to trulldom[check spelling], and his old rival, a female bandit named Karela the Red Hawk, one of many thieves Synelle has hired to steal the idol.

Ultimately, Synelle’s true colors are revealed. In the depths of Tor Al’Kirr, she and her priestess attempt to sacrifice Karela to raise the demon. Conan and his company battle her forces and the Cimmerian wins through—just too late. Al’Kiir is raised, but takes Synelle instead of his intended victim. When the demon turns its attention towards Karela, Conan seizes the Staff of Avanrakash and spears the creature. At its unearthly screams, Synelle’s defenders flee. Both Al’kiir and the captive sorceress harden into stone as the mountain begins to rumble. Conan and his men flee, putting as much distance as they can between themselves and the mountain before it erupts in a pillar of flame resembling the staff.

In the aftermath, the victorious army of Valentius marches onto Ianthe. The remnants of the Free Company, sidelined, break up, each going their separate way. Conan urges Karela to go to Argos with him, but she refuses, preferring her free life instead being mastered by the Cimmerian. He proceeds south alone. Meanwhile, Synelle is rescued from the destroyed mountain and brought back to life by Thoth-Amon.

---

There was a LOT of full, heaving breasts and long legs and rounded hips in this story. I’d say Jordan delved into that a little more than was necessary, even for a Conan story. Especially when it applies to every single named female character. They may as well all have been clones of each other as far as descriptions go. I guess hair color was the main differentiation?

That bleeding red head, Karela, is involved again. I must admit, I don’t like her. And I don’t like that Jordan keeps tying her into every story. Conan is supposed to move on after every story. Plus, it is embarrassing to read about her being such a stupid witch. I get second hand embarrassment 🙁

The part of the story dealing with the evil god trying to return didn’t land so well either. The sorceress successfully ensorcels Conan and it is only through the use of a magic staff, and not a steel sword, that Conan sends the devil god back to its imprisonment. This was as much about the politics of the city-state Conan was in as anything.

The swashbuckling action was decent, with bandits and soldiers and rogue bandit soldiers, fighting everybody. No lack of hackings, that’s for sure. Conan does his thief thing and fights the best swordsman of the city and kills him of course.

The “official” synopsis says that the sorceress is resurrected by Thoth-Amon, a big bad wizard in the original Conan stories. I did not see a trace of that in the version I read. I wonder if it is referenced in the next book and the no good jackasses who created the wiki were lazy and put it in this book’s wiki page?

Definitely not one of the better Conan stories but not one I’d consider a waste of time either.

★★★☆☆

• The “Essential Conan” Trilogy
• All of My “Conan” Reviews

Fullmetal Alchemist #6 ★★★★☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Fullmetal Alchemist #6
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist
Author: Hiromu Arakawa
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Manga
Pages: 190
Words: 9K

From FMA.fandom.com

“The origin of the Elric Brothers! Once, Edward and Alphonse Elric were willing to do anything to become alchemists. But when they tried to use their newfound skills to resurrect their dead mother, they broke a taboo and encountered something more terrifying than death itself. Now, hardened by years of military training, Edward and Alphonse have returned to the woman who first taught them alchemy…but can she help them, or even forgive them?”

Chapter 22: The Masked Man

Chapter 23: Knocking on Heaven’s Door

Chapter 24: Fullmetal Alchemist

Chapter 25: Master and Apprentice

Bonus Chapter: Roy Mustang’s Observation Diary

---

When I went to FMA.fandom and saw that tiny little synopsis, I was wondering why such a popular manga didn’t have some weeb who had completely filled it up. Well, it turns out that some weeb did, only they did it for each chapter instead of the whole volume. And there was NO WAY I was going to copy/paste 10+ pages of synopsis. What’s there is good enough as far as I’m concerned.
♪And it’s good enough for me♪

This was an entire book of flashback about how Ed and Al tried to resurrect their mother, lost their bodies and ended up in the military. We also get a glimpse into the history of Roy Mustang, the man who found them and how he ended up in Central with the group currently surrounding him.

During the failed resurrection ceremony, Ed meets some entity and a weird door that appears to contain nigh unlimited knowledge. Both entity and door would seem to be malignant, at least to me as a reader but it didn’t appear that Ed took it that way at all. Of course, he’s only 11 or 12, so he’s probably taking the entity at face value.

For a flashback, this was interesting. It directly tied into the main story line and didn’t feel like the manga-ka was fluffing up the page count at all. It had relevance to the story I was interested in (ie, the MAIN story. Take note One Piece, this is how and why you do flashbacks).

★★★★☆

• All My “Fullmetal Alchemist” Reviews

Tales to Take Your Breath Away ★★★☆☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Tales to Take Your Breath Away
Series: ———-
Editor: Alfred Hitchcock
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Crime Fiction
Pages: 370
Words: 140K

Table of Contents:

THE ARROWMONT PRISON RIDDLE—Bill Pronzini

END OF THE LINE—Edward D. Hoch

THE DETTWEILER SOLUTION—Lawrence Block

THE WHITECHAPEL WANTONS—Vincent McConnor

CORA’S RAID—Isak Romun

A CUP OF HERBAL TEA—Robert S. Aldrich

ALBION, PERFIDIOUS ALBION—Everett Greenbaum

LIFE OR BREATH—Nelson DeMille

THE SILVER LINING—Mick Mahoney

A PRIVATE LITTLE WAR—William Brittain

SUPERSCAM—Francis M. Nevins, Jr.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THIS WOMAN?—John Lutz

JOE CUTTER’S GAME—Brian Garfield

A CABIN IN THE WOODS—John Coyne

CROOK OF THE MONTH—Robert Bloch

DEATH OF A PERUKE-MAKER—Clayton Matthews

THE FOREVER DUEL—James McKimmey

THE CHALLENGE—Carroll Mayers

EXTRA WORK—Robert W. Wells

THE FIRST MOON TOURIST—Duffy Carpenter

THE LONG ARM OF EL JEFE—Edward Wellen

DEATH SENTENCE—Stephen Wasylyk

KID CARDULA—Jack Ritchie

INVISIBLE CLUE—Jeffry Scott

ACCIDENTAL WIDOW—Nedra Tyre

ELEMENT OF SURPRISE—Bruce M. Fisher

LOOKING FOR MILLIKEN STREET—Joyce Harrington

JUDGMENT POSTPONED—Robert Edward Eckels

THE WINDOW—William Bankier

---

Unfortunately, while there were some intriguing stories in this collection, I’d already read about 1/3 of the stories in other Hitchcock anthologies. Also, one of the stories dealt with the rape of a 15 year old girl while another dealt with a woman being tricked and as a result losing her unborn baby. That is why I’ve given this the Disturbing tag.

After I realized there were multiple stories I’d already read, I just started skipping them as soon as I recognized that I’d already read them. I really don’t like doing that but I’m not going to waste my time re-reading a short story that I’m not intentionally re-reading.

The new stories, when they weren’t disturbing, were all good and what I’d expect from a book like this. I just hope I don’t run into this situation again.

As for that cover. Is Hitchcock a fatso or what?!? I always knew he was chubby but my goodness, he’s beyond portly. This is why you should never put a real person on the cover of a book. Because people like me come along and mercilessly mock them.

★★★☆☆

• All of My “Alfred Hitchcock” Reviews

PSA: Wordpress: We Need Ads, Lots and Lots of Ads

Beginning in April, WordPress began an experiment with adding 3-5 times as many ads as normal to the free sites. Ostensibly it was supposed be towards making them more self-sufficient, but I remain skeptical. Here is the link to the Help Forums where members began bringing this to the attention of the staff, and staff’s response.

Help Forum: More Ads Than Normal

I’ve been keeping an eye on the thread and it appears that what is happening is going to be the new normal for all free blogs. So not only are “new” free blogs being neutered but all free blogs are going to end up looking like clickbait hotels. There are screen shots within the thread above to verify that assertion.

Much like other changes that WordPress has made, they are doing all that they can to see what the outcry is and then walk it back until it subsides. But make no mistake, if you are on a free plan at wordpress, they now consider you excess baggage and will be using and treating you accordingly.

Adblockers on most browsers should help mitigate this, but with more and more people using their phones to view the internet, it’s not as simple as it used to be. Just be aware that this is happening. I recommend taking a look at your own site in incognito mode (or whatever the anonymous version is called in your browser of choice) to see if it has happened to you yet.

Carrion Ants - MTG 4th Edition

Galahad at Blandings (Blandings Castle #10) ★★★★✬

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Galahad at Blandings
Series: Blandings Castle #10
Authors: PG Wodehouse
Rating: 4.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Humor
Pages: 162
Words: 61K

From Wikipedia:

Galahad Threepwood is in residence at Blandings Castle, and finds his brother Lord Emsworth, the ninth Earl, beset by the usual collection of woes. His sister, Lady Hermione Wedge, has not only hired a secretary (Sandy Callender) to mind his affairs, but has also invited Dame Daphne Winkworth to stay and, as Galahad discovers, to reignite an old flame and take up permanent residence as the next Countess.

Joining the house party are Tipton Plimsoll, a young multimillionaire who is engaged to Lady Hermione’s daughter Veronica, and Lady Hermione’s nephew Wilfred Allsop, a struggling young pianist who is in love with Emsworth’s pig-girl Monica Simmons. Wilfred and Tipton had met in New York several days earlier for an evening of dinner, drinks, and imprisonment. (They also met policeman Officer Garroway, from The Small Bachelor.) Wilfred has been engaged by Dame Daphne to teach music at her girls’ school, a prospect that Wilfred cannot refuse but is also anxious about, as Dame Daphne is intolerant of drinking among her staff.

Galahad’s chief task at Blandings is to deal with sundered hearts, namely those of Sandy and her now-ex-betrothed Sam Bagshott. Gally has known Sandy for years, and was good friends with Sam’s father “Boko” Bagshott, and is disturbed at their falling-out over a minor matter of a bet in the Drones Club marriage sweepstakes. Sam needs £700 to fix up his inherited family seat and sell it (to Oofy Prosser), and has drawn Tipton in the race for the next to be married. The other front-runners have dropped out, and Sam believes he has a sure winner, as Lady Hermione will not let Veronica lose her a multimillionaire son-in-law. Sandy, who knew Tipton from working for his uncle Chet Tipton in New York, believes that this engagement will go the way of all his others, and is upset at Sam for not selling his stake to a syndicate that has offered a firm £100.

If Sam would come down to Blandings, Gally believes, and plead his case with Sandy, all would be resolved. But when Sam does so, his first accidental encounter with Sandy proves disastrous: he chases her, she eludes him, and in giving up the chase he is confronted by the local constabulary. Constable Evans informs him, and he discovers that he cannot dispute, that in leaving the Emsworth Arms he made off with Sebastian Beach’s gold pocket watch. (Beach had left it with the barmaid Marlene to admire, and she had been showing it to Sam when he spied Sandy). Already grumpy from Sandy’s rebuff, Sam deals with the accusation by punching Constable Evans in the eye and fleeing on the constable’s bicycle.

When Gally hears of this, he insists on bringing Sam into the Castle, and decides that he should enter under the name of Augustus Whipple, noted author of On The Care of the Pig, Emsworth’s revered reference work for the care and feeding of his prize pig Empress of Blandings. On encountering Emsworth at the Empress’ sty, Sam diagnoses her malady as not swine fever, but instead intoxication (from the contents of Wilfred’s flask, intended to steel him for proposing to Monica Simmons but dropped when discovered by Dame Daphne’s son Huxley.) In gratitude Emsworth invites Sam to stay at Blandings, while a boosted Wilfred wins his Monica.

Meanwhile, Lady Hermione has learned from Emsworth that Tipton had lost all his money in the stock market crash and is now impoverished. She rushes up to London to instruct Veronica to break the engagement in a letter to be delivered by the next post. When Colonel Wedge receives Tipton, who is driving a Rolls-Royce and brandishing an £8000 necklace for Vee, he asks Gally to intercept the letter, which Gally is pleased to do. Gally goes a step further and gives the letter to Sam. On Hermione’s return, when Beach informs her that the man who stole his watch is at the Castle impersonating Augustus Whipple, Gally threatens to deliver the letter to Tipton unless Hermione allows Sam to stay. Hermione tries searching Sam’s room, but only succeeds in losing Wilfed his job with Dame Daphne, when her son Huxley discovers him singing in the corridor as a signal to his aunt.

Sandy confronts Galahad, but ends up persuaded by him to take Sam back. They find him locked in the potting shed, where he has been imprisoned by Constable Evans. Sandy frees him from the shed and they are reconciled. But not all the couples remain happy: Emsworth discovers the fatal letter in his desk, where Gally had hidden it, and has it delivered to Tipton. Gally has hard work convincing Tipton that Veronica meant not a word of it, and Tipton phones Veronica and the rift is mended as quickly as made. Tipton takes Wilfred and Monica Simmons up to London to gather Vee and head to the registrar’s for a double wedding.

Not everything is wrapped up, though. Emsworth is still in peril of matrimony from Dame Daphne, Sam still has to collect on his winning ticket, and the Law still looms over Sam’s shoulder. Sandy hears that another Drones Club member has won the sweepstakes, and Sam’s stake is worthless. Lady Hermione, having discovered that the letter was delivered and nullified, now announces her intention to expose Sam; Gally leads her to the library where he claims Sam is, and locks her in. He rushes to Emsworth, to touch him for the thousand pounds before Lady Hermione can summon aid.

He finds Emsworth rattled and deflated. In Monica Simmons’ absence, young Huxley attempts to release the Empress from her sty. Having morning head after her bender, she responds by biting the lad’s finger. Dame Winkworth deems her dangerous and demands that she be destroyed; Emsworth calls her a fool and telephones the veterinarian to find whether there was any risk of infection to the Empress. At that Dame Daphne leaves the household. Hermione, finding that Emsworth has driven away Dame Daphne, exposes Sam, declares Emsworth to be impossible to manage, and leaves as well.

The ninth Earl is reluctant now to lend money to an impostor, but Gally reminds him that he has now been freed of the threat of marriage to Dame Daphne, and of the supervision of their sister Hermione, and that if he lends the money to Sam all his troubles will be ended, as Sam will take his secretary out of his life. Emsworth gladly does so, and peace reigns over Blandings once again.

---

Circumstances conspired to make me enjoy this a lot. Of course, most of Wodehouse’s Blandings Castle stories are already funny, but I was reading this soon after Mrs B had had good medical news and so my spirits were much lighter than they had been in several months. I was as filled with good cheer and bonhomie towards my fellow man as I am capable of. Which amounts to me not scowling at everyone and not punching them in their plug ugly faces.

All of that is to explain why I gave this 4 ½ stars instead of 5 even though I laughed out loud 6 or 7 times. The next time I read this I might find it incredibly insipid and the characters downright stupid.

But this time was wonderful. The antics are as recycled as ever and every single one of them still works. Sisters are still overbearing twats. Youngsters are poor and in need of money to marry. The Empress of Blandings (that monstrous pig that has won fattest porker three years running) is used like a prop (she gets sloshed this time and bites an annoying young brat). While no Policeman’s hat was pinched, one police officer does get punched in the snozz and then has his bicycle stolen. I loved it all.

Not much else to say really.

★★★★✬

• All of My “Wodehouse” Reviews
• All of My “Blandings Castle” Reviews

An Ode to Energy Drinks

Nebuchadnezzar had his golden statue. I have my tower of power in the form of a Rockstar Coconut Pineapple Energy Drink. Thus, as it is written in the Book of Bookstooge, chapter 3:
To you it is commanded, O people, nations, and languages,
That at what time ye hear the sound of the cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, psaltery, dulcimer, and all kinds of musick, ye fall down and worship the aluminum image.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I have caused to be composed an Ode, worthy of a rockstar.

Caffeine as Nature IntendedEnergy drinks, oh how I adore theeWith every sip, I feel so energeticYour caffeine content is just what I needTo get through the day, it's so therapeuticRockstar Coconut Pineapple, my favorite flavorIt's like a tropical paradise in a canThe blend of coconut and pineapple, such a saviorIt's a match made in heaven, what a grand planSome say caffeine is bad, but I beg to differIt's a natural stimulant, just like sugarAnd when mixed with other ingredients, it's a liferIt gives me energy, it's real, not just a figureSo here's to energy drinks, my source of powerCaffeine as nature intended, let's raise a glassTo Rockstar Coconut Pineapple, my sweet flowerThank you for keeping me going, for that I commend and even bask.

The above ode was composed by my faithful servant, the AI Paragraph block. It is truly a good servant and I feed it cookies on the weekend.