Saturday, June 22, 2024

Conan of Venarium (Conan the Barbarian #19) 3Stars

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Conan of Venarium
Series: Conan the Barbarian #19
Author: Harry Turtledove
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 192
Words: 81K


Harry Turtledove is known for his alternate history, especially Roman alternate history. He’s big on the Roman Empire, blah blah blah. He is what I would qualify as an author and not just a writer. Doesn’t mean I read very much of his stuff. But it elevates my expectations of what I’m going to be getting.

And I got it.

Most fans of Conan know about the sack of Venarium. It was the beginning of the saga of Conan. Aquilonians invade Cimmeria and have their way for about two years. Then the various tribes unite and utterly destroy the invaders, from soldiers down to children. There was no mercy and it was a lesson to the Aquilonians to never even come near Cimmeria again.

Conan starts the story as a twelve year old and by the end, is only fourteen or fifteen. He’s pretty much the Conan that we read about in later stories by that point. His parents both die, the young girl he’s in love with has been destroyed, his entire village is gone and he has no ties to Cimmeria any more and he has a mansized grudge against Aquilonia.

This was a very good “origin” story for Conan and I’m happy to have read it. Recommended if you are a fan of Conan.

★★★☆☆


From Wikipedia

Synopsis – Click to Open

An Aquilonian army marches across the border of Bossonia into southern Cimmeria under the command of one Count Stercus. We soon learn that, although an able commander and warrior, Stercus has fallen from favour with King Numedides for his lecherous ways involving adolescents back in Aquilonia. His banishment to the frontier is, apparently, part of his penance.

Word of the invasion passes through Cimmeria as the army continues to press north, building forts each evening where they camp. Eventually Stercus is satisfied with his advance and calls a halt.

The last fort constructed is called Venarium.

We are introduced to a 12-year-old boy named Conan, living with his family in a village called Duthil, located north of Venarium, about a day’s travel by foot. Conan’s family consists of his father, Mordec the blacksmith and his mother, Verina. Conan’s mother has been sick for as long as Conan can remember with tuberculosis.

Duthil is a good sized village, sporting a smith, a miller, a weaver, a tanner and other cottage industry. A number of farmers and herdsmen use Duthil as a hub for commerce and a source of additional labour at harvest. At least 2 homes in Duthil have more than one room.

Word of the invasion soon reaches Duthil. Mordec and Balarg, the two leading Elders, determine how to best continue spreading the word to other villages. We also hear, at this time, that Conan bears more than a passing affection for Balarg’s daughter, Tarla, who is near his age.

Before long, the men of a handful of Clans are gathering to repel the invading Aquilonians. Mordec readies himself to join them. He and Conan come to blows over Conan’s insistence that he is old enough to join in the battle.

The Clans surround the fort and mount a fierce attack but are scattered by a charge of Aquilonian cavalry as they are about to breach the gate. The Cimmerians break and run, many of them being ridden down and killed. A number of men from Duthil survive with various wounds. Mordec, one of the last Cimmerians to leave the battle, is the last villager from Duthil to return home. He and his Clansmen resignedly accept that, for the time being, they must live as conquered subjects of Aquilonia.

A squad of Aquilonian soldiers soon arrives at Duthil commanded by a Captain Treviranus. Mordec translates the Captain’s decrees into Cimmerian. He will treat the Cimmerians fairly but informs them that every Aquilonian harmed by a Cimmerian will result in ten Cimmerians being harmed in return. Treviraus even goes so far as to warn them to ward their youth against the impure interests of Count Stercus, his commander in Venarium. The squad constructs a small walled compound a stone’s throw from the village as a garrison.

Settlers begin arriving shortly thereafter and establish homesteads in the country around Venarium and south to the Bossonian border.

We see Conan grow up under the shackles of his youth, his domestic situation, and the enmity he bears the occupying soldiers and settlers.

The occupation lasts approximately two years.

That summer, two score Cimmerian Clans rise against the invaders and the horde sweeps south, utterly destroying Venarium, driving the last surviving settlers and the remnants of the defeated Aquilonian army ahead of them into Bossonia. A number of Cimmerians cross into Bossonia to teach the Aquilonians a hard lesson about ever considering another invasion. More than one band pushes south through Bossonia, raiding into Gunderland. Conan’s raiding party even pushes far enough south to enter Aquilonia itself, but is wiped out, soon thereafter, to a single man; Conan is the sole survivor.

Continuing south through Aquilonia, intent on travelling to the capital, Tarantia, Conan takes a contract as a teamster, despite never having driven a horse and wagon. He delivers the wagon load of onions, as promised, and then steals the wagon to head south and east toward other Hyborian lands.

Conan is 14 years old at the end of the story.

Friday, June 21, 2024

My Week I

This has been a brutal work week. If you’re one of those “Centigrade” people, here’s a link to a handy converter for you:
Online Temp Converter

By the end of each work day, I felt like a steam roller had run me over, multiple times. In the 9hrs at work, I would drink about 3/4 gallon of water and about 1/2 gallon of gatorade.

I came home, cooled down and went to bed. I had no energy for much else. And I still have to get through today. Wish me luck!

Thursday, June 20, 2024

Remains (Galaxy's Edge #14) 2.5Stars

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Remains
Series: Galaxy’s Edge #14
Author: Jason Anspach & Nick Cole
Rating: 2.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Military SF
Pages: 281
Words: 123K


This was exactly the same as the previous book, in that we get one chapter with some of the space opera element and the rest of the book is a Legionnaires military science fiction novel. Not at all what I signed up for. So I’m downgrading my rating because I felt very generous last time. I’m not feeling that way at all any more.

Anspach and Cole made an unspoken compact with the readers in the first series. This was Star War’esque in both it’s tone and story line. That compact has been broken, most thoroughly now, by them in this second series. I wish they had never started this and once I’m done with this series, I’ll be done with them as authors.

Once again, Indie authors disappoint me and let me down. How typical.

★★✬☆☆


From the Publisher

The Legion has landed…

The Republic world of Kima has fallen with shocking speed to the renewed forces of the Mid-Core Rebellion, and General Chhun must lead the rebuilt and enhanced 131st Legion-along with Marines, Dark Ops, Navy, and Kimbrin Resistance-onto the planet to violently check their assault.

But timing is of the essence, and Chhun can’t do it alone. Bear, working undercover, unearths the treachery of a resurgent Nether Ops still working their dark influence from the shadows. Masters has his hands full just staying alive while he evades deadly pursuers. And Keel finds himself swept up in intrigues that may make the planetary takeover of Kima all but insignificant.

The battle is fierce and hard, but VICTORY is always within reach so long as the Legion-remade to its initial purpose-remains to fight.

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Life, the Universe and Everything (THGttG #3) 2Stars

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Life, the Universe and Everything
Series: THGttG #3
Author: Douglas Adams
Rating: 2 of 5 Stars
Genre: SF
Pages: 126
Words: 53K


This was stupid. It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t amusing, it didn’t tell a story. It was simply stupid and Adams completely wasted my time with this utter piece of drivel.

Don’t be like the Chartreuse Emperor and read this book, or you’ll go insane. That’s a DoUbLe BoBa FaCt PrOmIsE!

★★☆☆☆


From Wikipedia

Synopsis – Click to Open

After being stranded on pre-historic Earth after the events in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Arthur Dent is met by his old friend Ford Prefect, who drags him into a space-time eddy, represented by an anachronistic sofa. The two end up at Lord’s Cricket Ground two days before the Earth’s destruction by the Vogons. Shortly after they arrive, a squad of robots land in a spaceship in the middle of the field and attack the assembled crowd, stealing the Ashes before departing. Another spaceship arrives, the Starship Bistromath, helmed by Slartibartfast, who discovers he is too late to stop the theft and requests Arthur and Ford’s help.

As they travel to their next destination, Slartibartfast explains that he is trying to stop the robots from collecting all the components of the Wikkit Gate. Long ago, the peaceful population of the planet of Krikkit, unaware of the rest of the Universe due to a dust cloud that surrounded its solar system, were surprised to find the wreckage of a spacecraft on their planet. Reverse engineering the vessel, they explored past the dust cloud and saw the rest of the Universe, immediately taking a disliking to it and deciding that it must be destroyed. They built a fleet of ships and robots to attack the rest of the Universe in a brutal onslaught known as the Krikkit Wars, but were eventually defeated. Realizing that the Krikkit population would not be satisfied alongside the existence of the rest of the Universe, it was decided to lock the planet in a Slo-Time envelope, to be opened only after the Universe has ended so that the planet can exist alone. The Wikkit Gate, shaped exactly like a wicket used in the sport of cricket, is needed to unlock the envelope. However, one ship carrying a troop of robots from Krikkit avoided being sealed in, and these robots began to search for the pieces of the Gate after they were dispersed about space and time.

Slartibartfast, Arthur, and Ford transport to an airborne party that has lasted numerous generations where another Gate component, the Silver Bail, is to be found, but Arthur finds himself separated from the others and ends up at a Cathedral of Hate created by a being called Agrajag. Agrajag reveals that he has been reincarnated countless times in a wide variety of forms, only to be killed by Arthur in each life; he now plans to kill Arthur in revenge. However, upon learning that Arthur has yet to cause his death at a place called Stavromula Beta, Agrajag realizes that he has pulled Arthur out of his relative timeline too soon and that killing him now would cause a paradox, but attempts to kill Arthur anyway. In his insanity, Agrajag brings the Cathedral down around them. Arthur manages to escape unharmed, partially due to learning how to fly after falling and missing the ground while catching sight of a bag he had lost at a Greek airport years before. After collecting the bag, Arthur inadvertently comes across the flying party and rejoins his friends. Inside, they find Trillian, but they are too late to stop the robots from stealing the Silver Bail. Arthur, Ford, Trillian, and Slartibartfast return to the Bistromath and try to head off the robots activating the Wikkit Gate.

Meanwhile, the Krikkit robots steal the last two pieces, the Infinite Improbability Drive core from the spaceship Heart of Gold and a peg leg used by Marvin the Paranoid Android. They capture both Marvin and Zaphod Beeblebrox in the process.

The Bistromath arrives too late to stop the robots from opening the Gate, so its occupants transport to the planet to attempt to negotiate with the Krikkit people. To their surprise, they find that the people seem to lack any desire to continue the war, and are directed to the robot and spaceship facilities in orbit about the planet. With help from Zaphod and Marvin, the group is able to infiltrate the facilities. Trillian deduces that the Krikkiters have been manipulated, reasoning that the people of Krikkit could not simultaneously be smart enough to develop their ultimate weapon—a bomb that could destroy every star in the universe—and also stupid enough not to realize that this weapon would also destroy them.

The characters discover that the true force behind the war has been the supercomputer Hactar. Previously built to serve a war-faring species, Hactar was tasked to build a supernova-bomb that would link the cores of every sun in the Universe together at the press of a button and cause the end of the Universe. Hactar purposely created a dud version of the weapon instead, causing his creators to pulverize him into dust, which thus became the dust cloud around Krikkit. However, Hactar was still able to function, though at a much weaker level. Trillian and Arthur speak to Hactar in a virtual space that he creates for them to explain himself. Hactar reveals that he spent eons creating the spaceship that crashed on Krikkit to inspire their xenophobia and incite them to go to war, also influencing their thoughts. However, when the Slo-Time envelope was activated, his control on the population waned. As he struggles to remain functional, Hactar apologizes to Trillian and Arthur for his actions before they leave for their ship.

With the war over, the group collects the core of the Heart of Gold and the Ashes, the only two components of the Wikkit Gate not destroyed by the robots, and returns Zaphod and Marvin to the Heart of Gold. Returning to Lord’s Cricket Ground only moments after the robots’ attack, Arthur attempts to return the Ashes, but is suddenly inspired to bowl one shot at a wicket that is being defended using a cricket ball in his bag. However, during his run-up, Arthur suddenly realizes that the ball was created and placed in his bag by Hactar and is actually the working version of the cosmic-supernova-bomb, and that the defender of the wicket is one of the Krikkit robots, ready to detonate the bomb once thrown. Arthur trips, misses the ground, and flies over the pitch, allowing him to throw the bomb safely aside and behead the robot with its own bat.

Afterward, the group are taking Arthur to a ‘quiet and idyllic planet’ when they come across a half-mad journalist. Some time earlier, he had been reporting on a court case in which a witness named Prak was inadvertently given an overdose of a truth drug. Prak began to tell all truth, horrifying the involved parties so badly that they abandoned the courtroom and sealed it up with him inside. The group find him still there, hoping to learn from him the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. They are disappointed to find that Prak has told all the truth in existence, but has forgotten it and kept no record. The only information he can provide is that the Ultimate Question and its answer can never both be known about in the same universe. He then attempts to tell Arthur where God’s last message to His creation is, though he dies seemingly before Arthur is able to memorize the location.

Arthur ultimately settles on Krikkit, where he becomes a more skillful flier and learns bird language. He is briefly interrupted by the arrival of an immortal alien who has made it his goal to insult every living creature in the universe, but the alien realizes that he has already done so with Arthur on prehistoric Earth.

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

The Amazing Mrs Pollifax (Mrs Pollifax #2) 3.5Stars

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: The Amazing Mrs Pollifax
Series: Mrs Pollifax #2
Author: Dorothy Gilman
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Thriller
Pages: 173
Words: 60K


Another wonderful adventure. Oh, I absolutely ADORE Emily Pollifax. She is the kind of person I wish I could meet more of in real life. She doesn’t ignore the horrible situation that she finds herself in in this story (chased by damned commies, governmental agencies of other countries and a rogue double agent) but through it all, she perseveres. If I had been in her situation, I would have crumbled into a smear of ash and blown away into the winds.

Another thing I appreciate about these stories, at least so far, is that nothing feels outlandish. I don’t feel like Gilman pulls authorial fiat just to increase the drama. Her story telling is real and organic and I could totally see things like this happening. Things go wrong in situations and when you’re dealing with spies, counter-spies and double agents, things going wrong is a very bad thing. It just felt “real”. Doesn’t mean it is, but as a casual reader, I was never taken out of the story. Mrs Pollifax doesn’t jump down a 10 story building, shoot 50 badguys and then flap her magical wings and fly to the moon. She puts her head down, she hides with gypsies and she simply tries to survive and do her best to get the woman she was supposed to contact out of the country. And she does it! Without whining or complaining. Amazing!!!!!! Authors today could take a page from Gilman’s style, that is for sure.

★★★✬☆


From Wikipedia.org

Synopsis – click to open

For this novel, Mrs. Pollifax is tasked by Mr. Carstairs, her CIA superior, to go to Turkey[2][3] and contact Magda Ferenci-Sabo, a known Russian spy and secret double agent[4] who is defecting to the Free World. Emily Pollifax is to give Magda money and a passport which will enable the former spy to leave Turkey. Although Carstairs gives Mrs. Pollifax only 30 minutes to get ready, the plucky widow is ready for another adventure. She flies to Turkey and sees Magda, but is unable to make personal contact before Magda flees. In pursuing her mission, Mrs. Pollifax embarks on a wild ride, matching wits with a diabolical double agent, traveling with Gypsies,[3][5] and again surviving imprisonment. However, characteristically, she befriends unlikely allies along her way.

Sunday, June 16, 2024

The Ghost Makers (The Shadow #16) 3.5Stars

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPresss & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: The Ghost Makers
Series: The Shadow #16
Authors: Maxwell Grant
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Crime Fiction
Pages: 120
Words: 37K


A bunch of scam artists pretend to be able to talk to the dead and bilk idiots out of their money. This is only possible if you don’t believe in soul sleep. Which I doubt any of you do. So prepare yourselves to get bilked, because the Amazing Bookstoogio will now do something that no one has ever done before.

I will end this review before it even gets started. Tada!

Now give me your money!

★★★✬☆


From Bookstooge.blog

Fake Mystics from India are fleecing the dumb and gullible nitwits here in the United States. The Shadow can’t stand for that, so he steps in and sends his own gullible nitwit against the fakirs, Detective Cardona. The whole gang is wrapped up and Cardona gets the accolades.

Saturday, June 15, 2024

[Art] Garden's True Spirit

With Solar System Alpha Prime now protected by the Solar Guardians of Sun, Moon and Earth, we now return to our on-going story of the Mad Emperor Bookstooge and his quest of dire vengeance upon the Pegleg Pirate Ninja, the Hero of the People. Last we saw Hero, he was Flying Deep into the Mountains of Night, the last stronghold on Earth3.

Hero was hoping to gain an alliance with the Spirit of the World Garden, who was so powerful that she had kept the Mad Emperor at bay by her simple refusal to have anything to do with him. An act of utter negation as it were. It was through her power that Alpha Prime had been protected. While Hero sought an alliance, to use the Mountains of Night as a base of operations, Emperor Bookstooge had sought a crack into the World Garden. He had found a thread, a crack through Hero’s flight.

It was all a charade. Hero was no more a threat to the Mad Emperor than you or I would have been. The crack into the World Garden had been sought and with Hero’s unknowing aid, it was now found.

Would this spell the corruption of the World Garden? Would its power be co-opted to slake the Mad Emperor’s thirst for conquest of the stars themselves? Or would this attack upon her power simply make her even stronger, more impervious? Destruction, Stagnation or Growth?

Once again, I must apologize dear reader, for your humble narrator has no idea. Is the future safe, are the Stars themselves about to be conquered? We are all on this adventure of discovery together. Until next month, I bid you adieu.

~the mad laughter of a Mad Emperor rolls across the cosmos~

Friday, June 14, 2024

Tastes Like Chicken!

Behold, the Power of BBQ SAUCE!!!!!

The other Friday Mrs B and I went over to a childhood friend’s house of mine. He and I had literally grown up together and were best friends until my family moved away when we were tweens. We were baptized together. We went to summer bible camp from 1st grade through 12th grade. We attended vacation bible school. The little redheaded girl I liked was infatuated with him. We attended our freshman year of Bibleschool together. Then we went our separate ways. He ended up in the State Department, becoming a globe trotter for years at a time while I became a land surveyor and stayed within 20 miles of where I had grown up 😀

We would meet and catch up over the years. We really caught up at his sister’s wedding but our relationship was still “Oh, we knew each other, that’s nice”. Then she succumbed to Cancer in 2017 and during that time leading up to it, we reconnected as solid friends again. Ever since, we have made it a point to keep in touch and when he is in the North East, to visit for a couple of hours and catch each other up on what’s going on in our lives.

So Friday was such a time. He invited us over to his Mom’s house. I have many wonderful memories of playing at their house and it was great for a 10 year old boy to be out of a suburban area and way into the country. There was a rock by the side of their driveway, that probably came up to just past my knees. But to a 10 year old, it was humongous and we called it “Big Rock”. We played with Muscle Men and GI Joes and had adventures like you wouldn’t believe.

When you are 8 years old, Muscle Men were the coolest thing EVAH!

Then there were the two bad memories. The first one is humorous. I was 5 or 6 and was spending the night away from home for the first time. This was a BIG deal and I was so proud of it. Then that night we had a massive thunderstorm and I was so scared that I couldn’t stop crying and I practically made his dad take me home. How a 6 year old did that, I don’t know, but I suspect a LOT of screaming and fear. The second bad memory was of one of his dogs. I had gone over for the weekend and Saturday we had driven to Maine so his dad could scout out potential Christmas tree sellers. We were gone for like 12hours. We get home and us 3 kids (him, his sister and I) all get out at the bottom of the driveway so we can stretch our legs. The parents drove to the house and let the dog out. Now, this dog absolutely loved him. He was the light of the world to that dog. So to be gone 12hrs was pure hell for that dog. He came tearing down that dirt drive, running as fast as he could. Unfortunately, that dog was particularly stupid too. It was going so fast and only had eyes for his master that he didn’t see me until he was 5 feet away from me. In his defense, he tried to stop, but on a dirt driveway, it wasn’t happening. He bowled me over completely and dragged me a couple of feet. I got a massive cut on my upper leg from a rock cutting into me and I still have the scars from it to this day. I’m kind of surprised I didn’t end up in the Emergency Room. But in those days, you didn’t go to those unless you were dying, or dead. It was too expensive for people like us. So those are some of my memories of the house itself.

We had a wonderful time visiting. We had great food (grilled bbq chicken, light and heavy bbq sauced, grilled chicken sausages, grilled vegetables, potato salad, cole slaw, watermelon and cool drinks) that really hit the spot and it just facilitated us talking. Mrs B and he had never met so it was good for them to see the other. While I don’t talk about him a lot, he still influences my life. And obviously, I DO talk a lot about Mrs B 😀

And now he’s gone globetrotting again. Thankfully, we’ve connected via Whatsapp, so our communications should be more frequent than once every 2-5 years.

To close out this maudlin post, just remember, BBQ Sauce makes everything taste like chicken, even racoon 🦝 Hahahahahahaaa.

Thursday, June 13, 2024

‘Til Death (87th Precinct) 3.5Stars

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: ‘Til Death
Series: 87th Precinct
Author: Ed McBain
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Crime Fiction
Pages: 139
Words: 46K


How does an author manage to pack such an exciting and thrilling story into just 139 pages? Magic. That is the only explanation that I can logically come up with for how McBain tells this taut thriller, keeping me on the edge of my seat the entire time and yet not making me feel like I ever missed out on something.

Part of this is that it is not a “normal” situation for the officers of the 87th Precinct. It’s all off duty, at the wedding of the sister of one of the main characters. Somebody wants to kill the groom and it’s up to the off duty officers to figure out who and prevent it. The kicker is, and while this is a spoiler, none of you are ever going to read this so I’m not too worried, there is actually more than one wanna-be killer. I totally did not see that coming.

It is amazing how McBain can turn little circumstances at a wedding into incidents that hold a lot more meaning. And the obsessed ex-boyfriend? Whoo boy, that guy kept getting worse and worse through the story and by the end, I had to wonder how he had avoided doing something before this that landed him in jail. He would be every girl’s nightmare and the kind of guy a big brother would have to squash to make him leave his sister alone. It was sad to see him living in such a delusional state, convinced the bride should be his and that she would be happy with him instead of with her fiance. And he’s not the guy who is trying to shoot the groom either!

See what I mean about McBain packing stuff in? It was fantastic.

★★★✬☆


From the Publisher

Synopsis – Click to Open

The wedding day of Detective Steve Carella’s sister Angela should be the most romantic, special day of her life. But it might turn out to be the worst if her brother can’t figure out which man on the guest list has come to murder the groom.

Carella and the men from the 87th Precinct find themselves on the clock as they desperately hunt amongst the name cards and catered dinners for the would-be assailant. Trouble is, the crowd has numerous people with viable motives: the best man who stands to inherit everything the groom owns, the ex-boyfriend with a homicidal crush, and even an ex-GI with a score to settle. But time is ticking, and if they don’t act fast, Angela will become a bride—and a widow—on the same day.

Another riveting installment of the 87th Precinct series, ‘Til Death is one of bestseller Ed McBain’s finest, an intense, life-and-death nerve-wracker hailed by the Literary Review as “zestful, inventive, and utterly compulsive.”